Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time — maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday.

Rory

Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait…

I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me.

Rory

Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk.

S3 E2 Haunted Leg

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[Rory's bedroom - Rory wakes up and sees Lorelai sitting in a chair staring at her]

Rory

How long have you been sitting there?

Not long. An hour. . .and a half.

Rory

Why?

Because.

Rory

'Cause why?

Because today is the last first day of high school you’re ever gonna have.

Rory

You’re insane.

I’m not insane, I’m just sentimental, and you’re grown.

Rory

I’m not grown.

Yes, you are, you’re all grown up and soon you’ll be going off into the world.

Rory

Not yet.

But soon. And after you spread those wings and fly away, I won’t have the opportunity to give you this.

[Lorelai hands her a piece of paper]

Rory

What is it?

It’s your bill.

Rory

My what?

Yeah. I’ve been crunching the numbers, you know, adding up what you’ve cost me over the years – raising you, clothing you, feeding you, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Rory

Mmhmm.

Yes, I’ve itemized everything here by years and income ratio. I thought you could factor it into your student loan.

Rory

Oh boy.

One thing that’s painfully obvious here – you’ve used an extraordinary number of diapers.

Rory

I’m gonna go take a shower.

Really, it’s cost a fortune. What were you using all those diapers for?

Rory

I was building my ‘make Mommy go away’ castle.

S3 E2 Haunted Leg

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Rory

I could care less about you and Shane.

Good.

Rory

It just surprised me that's all.

Why?

Rory

Because.

Because why?

Rory

Because of what happened at Sookie's Wedding.

Ah.

Rory

So me coming back here and seeing you with Shane kind a threw me a bit.

I'm sorry, did I hear from you at all this summer? Did I happen to miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me or did the postman lose the letters you sent to me? You kiss me, tell me not to say anything, very flattering by the way. You go off to Washington and then nothing and you're all put out 'cause I didn't sit here and wait for you like Dean would have done. Oh yeah, what about Dean? Are you still with him? Because last time I checked you were and I haven't heard anything to the contrary. Plus the two of you walking around the other day like a damn Annie Hardy movie, it seemed to me like you were pretty together. I half expected you to break into a bar and put on a show.

Rory

When did you see me with Dean?

At that summer insanity thing the town put on.

Rory

I'm surprised that you could see anything with Shane's head plastered to your face.

You didn't answer me.

Rory

About what?

Did you call me at all?

Rory

No.

Did you send me a letter?

Rory

No.

A postcard?

Rory

No.

Smoke signal?

Rory

Stop!

A nice fruit basket?

Rory

Enough.

Are you still with Dean? Come on Rory, yes or no? Are you still with Dean?

Rory

Yes I'm still with Dean! Yes.

Glad to hear it.

Rory

Glad to tell you.

See ya around.

Rory

Whatever.

Right back at you.

S3 E2 Haunted Leg

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Rory

He's going to be expecting Chilton High School senior, Trixie McBimbo.

And her mother, Bambi McBimbo.

S3 E3 Application Anxiety

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State your full name. Better not get that one wrong, and nickname if any.

Rory

That would be Rory.

Or droopy drawers.

Rory

That was never my nickname.

Wrong! I called you that as a baby.

Rory

What?

That's right. Once you had these little Oshkosh cords and they were way to big. Once at the mall they fell right down to your knees and I said "Whoa there droopy drawers". I'm just afraid if we don't answer every thing accurately the Harvard police will come and hit you with an Atlas and say something mean in Latin.

S3 E3 Application Anxiety

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What’s that, a toy?

Miss Patty

Oh, it’s awfully cute.

That is a professionally manufactured diorama of the proposed business.

Rory

Wow, there’s little people and everything.

Sookie

They look so real.

JJackson

Hey, it’s me holding a tiny zucchini!

Look at the horse drawn carriage.

My thought was to park it out front with the name of the business painted on the side. It’s very eighteen-hundreds.

Babette

The horse is taller than the front door.

Way taller.

What are you up to, Taylor? Are you breeding giant horses?

It’s slightly out of proportion.

Babette

Slightly? That little guy there could walk right under the horse without even ducking.

S3 E3 Application Anxiety

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So, I think I'm in touch with the other side.

Rory

The other side of…

The other side.

Rory

With Republicans?

S3 E4 One's Got Class and the Other One Dyes

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Lane can't quit the band. She has to get famous and introduce me to Bono.

Rory

I told her that.

All right, let's go eat… see if we can figure out a way to salvage my future as a groupie.

S3 E4 One's Got Class and the Other One Dyes

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Oh, now that kid’s a major drooler.

Rory

Yeah, it’s like a fountain.

Okay, that’s it, they have to go.

Luke, come on, it’s just spit. Pretend you’re at a baseball game.

No no no, I’ve had enough. Let them go not spend money at Al’s, I’m through. [He starts to walk toward the people when a woman stands up and starts unbuttoning her shirt. Luke walks back to Lorelai and Rory] Is that woman doing what I think she’s doing? [the woman has started nursing her baby]

Um, well, I can’t be a hundred percent sure, but. . .oh yeah, that’s lunch.

Why, why do they do this? This is a public place, people are eating here.

Rory

They sure are.

This cannot be sanitary.

I agree. You don’t know where that thing’s been.

When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They’d go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it’s indecent. This is a diner not a peep show!

Hey, consider making it a combo. You could charge more for your cheeseburgers. Of course, no one would ever feel the same ordering a glass of milk again, but . . .

I have to do something. I just can’t stand here and let the lactating continue.

Luke!

Rory

Gross!

I’m gross? I’m not the one exposing myself for the entire world to see. That’s it.

[Luke starts to walk over to the woman, then walks back to the counter] You go make her stop.

I’m not going over there.

Why not? You’re a woman.

So what?

So you have the same parts.

What?

You shouldn’t be scared of it.

Scared of it? You know, you’re gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.

I am being taken advantage of here, and I do not like being taken advantage of. I hate this!

[Jess walks down into the diner and sees the woman nursing]

Oh geez!

[Jess quickly turns around and walks back upstairs. Lorelai and Rory start laughing.]

Okay, well, that was kind of funny.

S3 E5 Eight O'Clock at the Oasis

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Rory

Geez, did he talk about anything else but his car?

Not until we got to the restaurant, then the wine list.

Rory

Oh no he's a winey?

Yes, he sniffed and swirled and swished and did every other pretentious and borderline disgusting thing you can do with a glass of wine in a public place.

S3 E5 Eight O'Clock at the Oasis

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Miss Patty

Taylor, all animals have to… you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?

Easy. Put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures, then when they land — pow! They're shish-kebabs.

Rory

That's cruel.

Babette

You can't do that.

AAndrew

I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.

There it is — our new town slogan.

Rory

I like it.

I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.

Rory

Don't forget stuffed shish-kebabbed birds.

That moan when you squeeze 'em.

S3 E6 Take the Deviled Eggs

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Hey.

Rory

Hey.

Hey, Lane.

Hey back at ya, tough guy.

What?

Rory

Lane...

Something wrong?

Rory

No...

Yes! You have a car.

I know.

Don’t give me lip!

Lip?

Rory

Lane...

How’d you get the car, Jess?

I bought it?

Really, I thought you might’ve built it from parts left over from cars you’ve totaled.

What is your problem?

Don’t play dumb! You know what you did.

I gotta go.

Yes, drive on away, we’ll just keep walking. That’s all Rory’s been able to do these past few months – lots of walking. She’s got bunions because of you, mister!

Bunions?

Rory

I don’t have bunions.

She’s too nice to complain about her foot ailments!

Knock it off, Lane!

Rory

Just get in the car and go, Jess.

I didn’t start this.

Well, you started it when you wrecked Rory’s car!

Tell your friend to walk it off.

Rory

You walk it off!

I’m trying to DRIVE off!

Rory

Then go!

Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?

Rory

It’s not the car, it’s who’s got the car.

Okay, fine, you want it? Take it, I’m sick of this.

Rory

I don’t want this piece of junk!

Right. I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something really snazzy.

Rory

Shut up and go!

Gladly.

Rory

Let’s go.

Gladly!

Rory

[to Jess] Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat!

S3 E6 Take the Deviled Eggs

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[Rory and Dean walk up to the table where Lane is serving food. Jess is in front of them.]

Rory

The sandwiches are for the dancers.

I’m dancing on the inside.

Rory

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Rory

You have nothing better to do than to sit around inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?

I don’t know. [to Dean] Do you have nothing better to do than sit inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?

I wouldn’t direct any sort of comment toward me if I were you.

I’m just trying to support my town.

Rory

Good, then go back to New York.

Ooh, zing! I’ve been snapped!

Rory

You think you’re bugging me sitting in front of me staring like that?

You think you’re bugging me dancing in front of me staring like that?

Rory

I’m not staring at you.

Then how do you know I’m staring at you?

Rory

I am dancing. I cannot control where my glance goes. And the few moments that I can control it, my glance goes to Dean, not to you.

So you can’t control when you look at me, but you have to force yourself to look at him? Sorry, man. That’s cold.

My former comment still stands.

S3 E7 They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?

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I’m not her boyfriend anymore.

Rory

What?

You know, I tried to ignore this. I really did, but I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

Rory

What are you talking about?

You don’t wanna be with me, Rory.

Rory

Yes, I do.

Oh, please! You’ve been into him since he got to town, and I have spent weeks – months, actually – trying to convince myself that it wasn’t true, that everything was fine between us. But now I know that I was an idiot. You’re into him and he’s into you, and Shane, who by the way, should be listening to this ‘cause it’s so damn obvious.

Rory

What’s obvious? What did I do?

Everyone can see it, Rory! Everyone. And I’m tired, but I’m over it, so go ahead, go. Be together. There’s nothing standing in your way now, ‘cause I’m out.

S3 E7 They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?

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Rory

I can't even open my eyes.