“Eight O'Clock at the Oasis” quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Oh, now that kid’s a major drooler.

Rory

Yeah, it’s like a fountain.

Luke

Okay, that’s it, they have to go.

Lorelai

Luke, come on, it’s just spit. Pretend you’re at a baseball game.

Luke

No no no, I’ve had enough. Let them go not spend money at Al’s, I’m through. [He starts to walk toward the people when a woman stands up and starts unbuttoning her shirt. Luke walks back to Lorelai and Rory] Is that woman doing what I think she’s doing? [the woman has started nursing her baby]

Lorelai

Um, well, I can’t be a hundred percent sure, but. . .oh yeah, that’s lunch.

Luke

Why, why do they do this? This is a public place, people are eating here.

Rory

They sure are.

Luke

This cannot be sanitary.

Lorelai

I agree. You don’t know where that thing’s been.

Luke

When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They’d go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it’s indecent. This is a diner not a peep show!

Lorelai

Hey, consider making it a combo. You could charge more for your cheeseburgers. Of course, no one would ever feel the same ordering a glass of milk again, but . . .

Luke

I have to do something. I just can’t stand here and let the lactating continue.

Lorelai

Luke!

Rory

Gross!

Luke

I’m gross? I’m not the one exposing myself for the entire world to see. That’s it.

Lorelai

I’m not going over there.

Luke

Why not? You’re a woman.

Lorelai

So what?

Luke

So you have the same parts.

Lorelai

What?

Luke

You shouldn’t be scared of it.

Lorelai

Scared of it? You know, you’re gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.

Luke

I am being taken advantage of here, and I do not like being taken advantage of. I hate this!

Jess

Oh geez!

Luke

Okay, well, that was kind of funny.

Lorelai

[Phone rings and Lorelai answers] Independence Inn

Emily

You should really identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.

Lorelai

Sorry, Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?

Emily

Yes, thank you.

Michel

[about an auction] And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.

Lorelai

Well, that certainly calls for a 'Dirty'!

Lorelai

[on the phone] Hi, yes, I was at your auction yesterday and I was wondering if you could help me. I met a man there and I would like to contact him but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number seventeen, and...Oh right, confidential, got it...Well, you know, actually, I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school...Good question. Well, I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname....Uh, Shamu. We called him Shamu. He was kind of a big guy in high school, but he's slimmed down quite a bit...No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence....See, Shamu and I went to a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together and we tore it and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win!...Fourteen million dollars!....Really, but see, we have to claim it by four pm today or we forfeit....Ah, yes....Oh, well, but there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you. See, my blood type is o-negative and he's o-negative and I have a medical condition that....All right, then. Well, thank you anyway. Bye. (hangs up)

Rory

Geez, did he talk about anything else but his car?

Lorelai

Not until we got to the restaurant, then the wine list.

Rory

Oh no he's a winey?

Lorelai

Yes, he sniffed and swirled and swished and did every other pretentious and borderline disgusting thing you can do with a glass of wine in a public place.