“Hell Is Other Robots” · Season 1
In this episode: Bender (7), Turanga Leela (6), Philip J. Fry (5), Robot Devil (3), Zoidberg (2), Professor Hubert Farnsworth (1), Hermes Conrad (1)
[After escaping Robot Hell]
Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?
I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?
[Chuckles] Good ol' Bender.
Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?
[Nervous] No! Don't come in!
Bender, we didn't mind your drinking, or your kleptomania, or your pornography ring.
In fact, that's why we loved you.
But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.
And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. Just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs, and then he sold me my mom's VCR, and then, later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.
We know all your sins, Bender! And for each one we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment! Gentlemen...
[A robot-demon band plays up-tempo music]
Ah, crap. Singing... Mind if I smoke?
[Singing] Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em,
We'll find ways to simulate that smell.
What a sorry fella, rolled up and smoked like a panatela,
Here on Level One of Robot Hell.
Gambling's wrong and so is cheating, so is forging phony IOU's
Let's let Lady Luck decide what type of torture's justified,
I'm pit boss here on Level Two.
Ooo, deep-fried robot!
Just tell me why...
Please read this 55-page warrant.
There must be robots worse than I...
We've checked around; there really aren't!
Then please let me explain,
My crimes were merely boyish pranks...
You stole from boy scouts, nuns, and banks!
Ah, don't blame me; blame my upbringing! [Tries to take the Robot Devil's wallet]
Please stop sinning while I'm singing!
Selling bootleg tapes is wrong,
Musicians need that income to survive
Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise,
With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys!
[Ad-Rock plays on Bender's hardrive with his tongue]
That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on Level Five!
[Cut to Fry and Leela on the slide]
I don't feel well...
It's up to us to rescue him.
Maybe he likes it here in Hell...
It's us who tempted him to sin.
Maybe he's back at the motel...
Come on, Fry, don't be scared,
I'm sure at least one of us will be spared,
So just sit back and enjoy the ride.
My ass has blisters from the slide!
Fencing diamonds,
Fixing cockfights, publishing indecent magazines,
You'll pay for every crime, knee-deep in electric slime,
You'll suffer till the end of time,
Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme,
Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!!!
Bender, are you alright?
No! Oh, they tortured me with up-tempo singing and dancing!
Good news, everyone! Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily 8, the Mob Planet.
[After delivering the subpoenas]
I know Big Vinny said he was giving me the Kiss of Death, but I still think he's gay.
Did he use his tongue?
A little.
[at a Beastie Boys concert]
They're laying down mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.
I believe that qualifies as ill, at least from a technical standpoint.
Our electrical bill is climbing higher than a green snake up a sugar cane. Obviously someone here has been using a whole heap of juice. [points at Zoidberg] Probably you!
Me?
[Later]
And as a further cost-cutting measure, I have eliminated the salt water cooler.
This is a witch hunt!
In the name of all that is good and logical, we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jerematic, one-zero-zero-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one... [later] ... zero-one-zero-one-one-zero-zero-one... two. Amen.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
