[in the bathroom]
Hmm. I thought when I hit thirty I would stop feeling out of place at these things.
DariaYou feel out of place?
You didn't notice my sisters are so busy competing with each other that I don't even register on their radar?
Daria
Yeah, but I just figured you were above all that. I mean, you're kind of...
Daria
Um...
I know, you can't say that to me. Law of the teenagers.
Daria
Thank you for respecting it.
When I was a kid, with Helen and Rita going at it all the time, all they left for me to do was to supply the color commentary. Then, one day, I found myself all grown up with my own point of view, and feeling no particular obligation to listen to anyone else's B.S. Ever.
Daria
So it actually worked out pretty well.
Unless I have to see my sisters at a wedding, yeah. Sarcasm. It's a great way to deal. [puts on round glasses similar to Daria's] But, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
Daria
[smirks] Nah.
[a home video is playing on TV: Daria as a young child and Quinn as a toddler are seated at a table wearing party hats, each seated on on either side of a birthday cake with three candles; when Daria goes to blow out the candles, Quinn blows them out first]
Little Daria
Hey! You're ruining my birthday cake!
[in the living room, Daria and Quinn are seated on one sofa, Jake on another, watching the video]
Daria
If only that were all she ruined.
[on the video, a long-haired Helen enters the frame]
Little Daria
Make her stop!
HOHelen on the Video
Oh, Daria, she's just a baby. She wants to play, too!
[in the living room]
Little Daria
Why can't I be an only child?
Daria
Yeah. Why can't I?
[on the video, Quinn starts to dance and Daria shuts down]
Is that my movie? Can I see?
Daria
Sorry, but that would interfere with the creative process.
See, we're like artists, and this is how we express ourselves. You understand.
I can't wait to see it. I just hope I don't sound stupid or anything. Not that I would.
Daria
Perish the thought.
I just, I know that sometimes certain types of people, jealous people, might think, who does she think she is? Because I sometimes think that. But I can't let myself go on too long thinking that.
Daria
Or anything else.
I mean, sometimes I'm walking down the hall with Sandi and Stacy, and Tiffany and suddenly I'm outside of myself watching, and it's like, who are these girls? Can't they talk about anything besides guys and clothes and cars but then what would we talk about? You have to be good at something. You're good at your reading and writing and stuff and you're good at your little paintings.
They are minuscule, aren't they?
I figure, being attractive and popular, that's what I'm good at. Maybe it's not that important, but you know, it's what I can do. [leaves]
Daria
Aw, hell.
[club pages have been cut from the yearbook] But you can't be serious about this!
Daria
Listen, Ted has a point.
Aha! It's that boy! So it's about love, is it?
Daria
It is not about love!
Alright, keep it your secret to cherish always, but just because you're going out -
Daria
Ted and I are *not* going out!
Whatever! Just tell loverboy we want our yearbook back!
Daria
Did you hear that? You just used the verb "want" with the noun "book."
Save the math games for your boyfriend.
[Daria and Ted walk up to a virtual 3D simulator]
AAttendant
Which do you want? Castle scenario, underwater paradise, futuristic dystopia?
TTed
I guess the castle one.
AAttendant
Okey-doke, boss.
[Daria and Ted each step onto the pads and slip a pair of VR goggles on; the view shifts to the inside of the game, a TRON-like environment where both Ted and Daria are dressed in suits of armor]
Daria
It's too much, right? I feel a little sick myself.
[Ted looks around in awe]
TTed
It's not really representative of medieval society, but I have to say this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life!
[outside, Robert and friends approach the attendant]
RRobert
Uh, those are some friends of ours. Can we join in?
[inside the VR game]
Daria
Good. I need to sit down.
[Robert and his two friends appear in the game]
RRobert
Not so fast, weirdoes.
Daria
Robert?
RRobert
That's Sir Robert, Darcy.
Daria
Daria. [Robert and friends charge and Ted steps in, easily beating all three back with his sword] Ted? Wow.
TTed
I taught myself from the eleventh-century manuscript on swordplay. It's easy.
RRobert
No way. I'm not going out like this. Come on! [runs away after his friends]
TTed
Let's go, Daria. We can catch them!
Daria
This is making me nauseous. You go ahead. [Ted chases Robert as Daria removes the helmet] Ah[sits down on a bench and later she walks up to where Ted and the others are still playing] Ted, they're gonna close up pretty soon.
TTed
They'll have to pull the plug, then. We still have a lot of fight left. Right, men?
[Daria exits, leaving Ted and the other guys to continue playing]
So, Jodie, do you belong to any clubs?
Daria
You don't have to answer that.
I'm president of the French Club, vice president of Student Council, editor of yearbook, and I'm also on the tennis team.
Daria, why aren't you on the tennis team?
Daria
Because it's classified as a sport.
Speaking of sports, Jodie, do you know Kevin Thompson? He and Daria did a science project together.
Oh, sure. Kevin's great... [softly to Daria] ...at smashing beer cans with his head.
I don't know why Daria doesn't hang around with him and his gang more.
Daria
For the same reason I don't sleep with my head packed in ice.
Yeah, his name's Michael. But everyone calls him Mack.
Daria
Should we go to the main building, or just apply for jobs in the stables?
LLara
Before I came here I was an intellectual outcast. They made fun of me for quoting Ayn Rand.
Actually, I think she's pretty disturbing...
GGraham
That's not the point. The point is that you know who she is, and that at Grove Hills, you can discuss her with people like us, instead of idiots and fools and a quarterback who tells the whole school you shower in a towel. I'd like to see a quarterback write a paper on Mao.
I think the Cultural Revolution is...
GGraham
You have an awful lot to say for someone who doesn't even go to this school yet.
What's that supposed to mean?
GGraham
It means why don't we see whether you get in to Grove Hills before we start listening to your opinions.
Hey! Just because some jock made you feel like the loser you are, don't take it out on me.
GGraham
I'm not a loser! I have a 165 I.Q.!
Who cares? You're still boring and miserable! Try taking your head out of your butt for once and opening up your myopic little eyes. Or doesn't your 165 I.Q. make you smart enough to see the way you really are? [leaves]
GGraham
I'll make sure you never set foot in this school again!
Daria
That's a relief. For a minute there I thought you were going to threaten us. [leaves]
Have you seen this pamphlet? [hands Daria a pamphlet]
Daria
"Is Your Teenager Using Drugs? Ten Warning Signs." Yes...yes...no...maybe...sometimes...hmm, about three times a week...and not if she can possibly avoid it. In my opinion, Quinn's clean.
Daria
Although you might want to check her pupils.
[laughs nervously] I, uh, was thinking more about you, Daria.
Daria
Oh, then you're not supposed to let me read this. You're supposed to sneak around, spying on me and looking through my sock drawer. [doorbell rings, Daria leaves]
Oh. Kiddo, which one is your sock drawer?
Jake, have you seen her face? What did the doctor say?
No one's been in to see her yet, but Dr. Davidson doesn't think it's drugs.
No one's been in to see her, and you're going out for sodas?! Jake, can't you take charge of a situation for one damn minute?
Daria
Hi, Quinn.
If you had any sense you'd realize that these big hospitals let patients slip through the cracks all the time. You have to keep after them every second.
Daria
You know, this is exactly the kind of constant bickering that could make an otherwise happy young person turn to drugs.
I want a doctor in here now! Oh, why do I bother? [leaves] Nurse... nurse... nurse!
You said I could have a root beer.
You will marry a man while still in your prime. Then, after putting him through school and spending 20 long-suffering years begging him to turn off those damn Broncos and get a real job, he'll walk out of your life, leaving a trail of muddy footprints behind on the freshly cleaned carpet. But you'll be better off without him. Much better off.
[girl runs away, sobbing]
Daria
And she's the living proof.
Should we get our fortunes read?
Daria
I'll pass. Knowing the present is bad enough.
Then how about a Ferris wheel ride?
Daria
Do I look desperate to you?
[Sam and Chris Griffin and Upchuck come running at them]
SCSam and Chris
Crusades! Crusades!
Ladies...wait till you hear "The Ballad of the Misunderstood Minstrel."
Daria
Do I look desperate to you now?
Daria
Let's go.
[Daria and Jane are on the ferris wheel with Stacy crying]
[sobs] But why? Is it something I said? Something I wore? Oh, I wish I were dead.
Daria
Look, don't flush your entire world down the drain just because some jerk didn't ask you out on a second date. It probably had nothing to do with you anyway.
Unless you did something really stupid, like bore him with your petty problems and convoluted logic.
Tell me that at least I have my integrity.
Daria
Integrity is a funny word.
Well, then, at least tell me I'm marginally less corrupt than the jocks.
Daria
You refused to participate in a crooked system where good grades are exchanged for athletic performance. But you didn't try to reform the system, either.
For fear of complete teenage exile.
Daria
Right. So the system continues, you haven't redeemed yourself, and we're ostracized anyway.
Come on, now, stop trying to paint a rosy picture.
Daria
You know what?
Daria
They really are preparing us for the real world.
Daria
I'm not pierced anymore. It closed up.
You didn't take the ring out?
Daria
Just for the night. I couldn't stand the itching.
I've heard of fast healers but this is ridiculous.
Daria
Gee, maybe E.T. came in my room and touched my navel while I slept.
Boy, Daria, you have the weirdest sex dreams.
Daria
Don't tell Trent.
Daria · 137 quotes
