Jodie quotes from Daria

Jane

All clear?

Daria

Just about.

Jane

[sees Jodie walking towards them] Wait.

Jodie

[walking up] What are you guys doing here?

Daria

Observing.

Jane

Innocently.

Jodie

I can't believe what Ms. Li did to your poster. Wait a minute...what are you guys planning?

Daria

Get lost Landon.

Jane

It's for your own good.

Daria

You got a bright future kid.

Jane

You don't want to be here when what's going to go down goes down.

Quinn

I mean, just because you dump a guy for his older, cuter brother, does that give him the right to hold a grudge?

Stacy

That's so immature.

Tiffany

You know, if I knew we were going to be running around in the dirt, I wouldn't have worn my good sneakers.

Jodie

Will you quiet down? I think I see something. [leaves]

Stacy

Hey Quinn, is that your cousin? [Points her finger at Sandi]

[Quinn fires the paintballs at Sandi] Ow!

Tiffany

Way to go, Quinn!

Stacy

Our leader!

Tiffany

Hey! I just bought this!

Quinn

Sandi? What are you doing here?

I was looking for the bathroom and all of a sudden you started shooting at me. I thought we promised not to do that!

Quinn

I would never fire at you, Sandi. I didn't recognize you with your goggles.

Tiffany

Yeah, why are you wearing them, anyway? They're so ugly.

Because those are the rules.

Quinn

Well, some rules were meant to be broken, like wearing red lipstick with an orange top.

Stacy

Or black mascara with blond hair.

Quinn

Besides, you fired on us when you were already hit, and that's against the rules, too.

Tiffany

Yeah.

Gee, if everyone's on Quinn's side, maybe Quinn should be president of the Fashion Club.

Quinn

Don't be silly. I would never try to be president, as long as you were around.

Really?

Quinn

Sure. I mean, do you really think I could replace you?

Helen

So, Jodie, do you belong to any clubs?

Daria

You don't have to answer that.

Jodie

I'm president of the French Club, vice president of Student Council, editor of yearbook, and I'm also on the tennis team.

Jake

Daria, why aren't you on the tennis team?

Daria

Because it's classified as a sport.

Helen

Speaking of sports, Jodie, do you know Kevin Thompson? He and Daria did a science project together.

Jodie

Oh, sure. Kevin's great... [softly to Daria] ...at smashing beer cans with his head.

Helen

I don't know why Daria doesn't hang around with him and his gang more.

Daria

For the same reason I don't sleep with my head packed in ice.

Jake

So, Jodie, got a fella?

Jodie

Yeah, his name's Michael. But everyone calls him Mack.

Jake

Wow!

Daria

Should we go to the main building, or just apply for jobs in the stables?

Before I came here I was an intellectual outcast. They made fun of me for quoting Ayn Rand.

Jodie

Actually, I think she's pretty disturbing...

That's not the point. The point is that you know who she is, and that at Grove Hills, you can discuss her with people like us, instead of idiots and fools and a quarterback who tells the whole school you shower in a towel. I'd like to see a quarterback write a paper on Mao.

Jodie

I think the Cultural Revolution is...

You have an awful lot to say for someone who doesn't even go to this school yet.

Jodie

What's that supposed to mean?

It means why don't we see whether you get in to Grove Hills before we start listening to your opinions.

Jodie

Hey! Just because some jock made you feel like the loser you are, don't take it out on me.

I'm not a loser! I have a 165 I.Q.!

Jodie

Who cares? You're still boring and miserable! Try taking your head out of your butt for once and opening up your myopic little eyes. Or doesn't your 165 I.Q. make you smart enough to see the way you really are? [leaves]

I'll make sure you never set foot in this school again!

Daria

That's a relief. For a minute there I thought you were going to threaten us. [leaves]

Jodie

Come on, Daria. If you don't like any of those other projects, all we're left with is taking out a small-business loan, renting an apartment, or budgeting a funeral.

Quinn

Um, that's sweet of you, Russell, but we just went out two weeks ago, so I really can't go out with you again for another three weeks. Well, I consider a hospital visit a date. Sorry. Anyway, good luck with the new kidney and all. Bye. [exits living room]

Daria

Is that by any chance a sibling's funeral?

Jodie

Why don't we try the loan? I do want to start my own business after college.

Jake

Come on, Mel, give me another shot. We'll have them lining up to buy methane-powered hot tubs. Hey, how about this catchphrase: "So it smells? So what!" [pause] Come on, Mel, they're going to repossess my parking space! [exits living room]

Daria

Yes, let's start a business. Nothing like being your own boss.

Jodie

What should we call our company?

Daria

"Brink of Bankruptcy, Incorporated"?

Helen

No, no, absolutely not! It's unethical, it's immoral, it may well be illegal. I'll have no part of it. Okay, I'll do it. [exits living room]

Jodie

It's a little busy in here. You want to take a break and get some pizza?

Daria

Can I put it on my Millennium Project Enterprises expense report?

Then he said his armpits would know only the embrace of his crutches!

Jodie

What does that mean?

I don't know, but it sounds bad! Like Kevvy's armpits have feelings, but not for me, now what do I do with lips so empty, so yearning?

Jodie

Lips? So we're off the armpit thing?

Daria

You know, if you break up Brittany's attempted thought, it looks like a Mystic Spiral song.

Jane

[Reading from Daria's paper] "Armpits have feelings, but not for me. Now what do I do with lips empty?" Eh. Are you sure you don't want to replace lips with skull?

Daria

It's a work in progress.

Jane

He meant well, for a teacher who does nothing well.

Daria

I'm reminded of my father.

Jane

What? Why?

Daria

Because I can't get the phrase, "damn idiot teachers with their damn idiot brains," out of my head.

Jodie

[enters] Hey, Daria, congratulations. A published story, that's amazing.

Daria

Um, it's not exactly published. I sent it in, but I haven't heard back.

Kevin

Then why are you telling everybody that it's been published?

Jane

Oh, you know Daria and her compulsive need to impress.

Oh. But then instead of making up stuff about writing, shouldn't you pick something good?

Daria

How's this? During the day, I'm a mild-mannered student. But at night, I fight crime in a stretchy-stretchy costume.

Kevin

Cool! I didn't know that.

She doesn't really.

Kevin

But she just said.

Kevie, you're so gullible. [she drags Kevin away]

Kevin

She wears it on weekends, come on.

Jodie

You know, my mother gets Musings and their fiction is awful. I bet you'll have no trouble getting in.

Daria

Gee, thanks.

Jodie

That's not what I meant.

Daria

[sighs] I know, thanks.

Jodie

Good luck. [she exits and Ms. Barch enters]

Daria, in the name of Jane Austin, Emily Dickinson, Anne Bronte, Emily Bronte, and Charlotte Bronte, I want to say, "You go, girl!"

Jane

That's just how they would have put it.

Daria

Who told you?

Er, uh, um, nobody. It certainly didn't come up during anything other than normal in-school chitchat among colleagues. Fully dressed. With no oils involved.

Daria

Ever have one of those moments that no shower, no matter the duration nor the temperature, can ever erase?

Jane

I'm leaning toward trauma-induced amnesia myself. Punch my head, would ya?

Jodie

[about Jane] She sounded just like you.

Daria

Does that mean I sound like you?

[passing by them] Hi!

Daria

If either of us starts to sound like her, it's time to panic.

Jodie

Hey. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of as long as you're responsible.

Daria

So then you and Mack have.... been responsible?

Jodie

Um.... I really don't want to discuss that right now.

Daria

I understand.