Upchuck quotes from Daria

Daria

I feel sick. Can someone open a window?

Upchuck

Allow me, fair maiden. [tries to open the window, but fails]

Jane

I didn't know you got car sick.

Daria

I don't, usually. It's the fumes. It smells like- it smells like-

Jane

Teen Spirit?

Daria

Cheap perfume.

Jane

Brittany must be working up a sweat.

You will marry a man while still in your prime. Then, after putting him through school and spending 20 long-suffering years begging him to turn off those damn Broncos and get a real job, he'll walk out of your life, leaving a trail of muddy footprints behind on the freshly cleaned carpet. But you'll be better off without him. Much better off.

Jane

Much, much better off.

Daria

And she's the living proof.

Jane

Should we get our fortunes read?

Daria

I'll pass. Knowing the present is bad enough.

Jane

Then how about a Ferris wheel ride?

Daria

Do I look desperate to you?

Crusades! Crusades!

Upchuck

Ladies...wait till you hear "The Ballad of the Misunderstood Minstrel."

Daria

Do I look desperate to you now?

Jane

Yep.

Daria

Let's go.

Class, there's been a change in our lesson plan. Today we'll discuss the planets' relative distance from the sun.

Upchuck

But we did that two weeks ago, Ms. B.

And now we're going to do it again, Charles. Unless you wish to spend the period in independent study?

Upchuck

[shivers] No... not the closet.

Now, the reason for the change is that I've received a brand new... [distastefully] ...learning aid. [pulls out a mobile made of Ultra Cola cans, and begins reading off a cue card] "Why, look, students. A three-dimensional model of our solar system, graciously provided by Ultra Cola. Ultra Cola: the favorite beverage in any universe." [sighs] "We can use it to discuss which planets' atmospheres might support the process of carbonation." Or I can just spend the rest of the day in the teachers' bathroom, staring at the tiles. [leaves]

[over P.A.] Good Ultra Cola morning, students. I am pleased to announce an Ultra Cola schedule change. From now on, the period between classes will be increased from five minutes to 10, allowing you more time to get to your Ultra Cola lockers, organize your Ultra Cola backpacks, and still enjoy a delicious Ultra Cola. Ultra Cola: the refreshing way to learn. [clicks off]