Isn't modeling for people who drop out of high school to pursue a career based solely on youth and looks, both of which are inevitably declared dead at age 25?
LMs. Li
Do you have a point, Ms. Morgendorffer?
And don't fashion people squander their lives loudly worshiping all that is superficial and meaningless while the planet keeps riding a roller coaster to hell?
LMs. Li
Modeling is a competitive field, yes, but the financial rewards are great. As principal, I'd be cheating our student body if I didn't allow them every opportunity to fulfill their potential.
Excuse me. Can we assume the financial rewards are great for the school as well?
LMs. Li
That is really none of your business!
But I don't want to miss a lesson in applied economics. I'm trying to fulfill my potential.
LMs. Li
The school is receiving a fee for its cooperation, but every cent is going to capital improvements! We're finally going to get those bulletproof skylights for the swimming pool.
Well, I for one am very excited about this. I can feel myself getting into the modeling spirit.
May I be excused? I'd like to go to the girls' room and vomit up breakfast.
LMs. Li
Hello, Mrs. Morgendorffer, this is Angela Li, principal of Lawndale High.
Yes, Ms. Li, how may I help you?
LMs. Li
[over the telephone] Mrs. Morgendorfer, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news. Your daughter Daria appears to have been involved in an act of vandalism.
LMs. Li
Mrs. Morgendoffer, your daughter collaborated with Jane Lane in the creation of a poster for our art contest.
LMs. Li
We found part of the poster unacceptable. So it was altered prior to it's entry. Unfortunatley someone defaced the poster while it was on display and since your daughter and Miss Lane were objecting to changing it, I must assume that they were the vandals. I'm going to have to take drastic action.
Wait a moment. You're saying the girls were against changing the poster but entered it into the contest anyway?
LMs. Li
It was entered for them.
I was under the impression that participation in this contest was voluntary.
LMs. Li
Yes, but your daughter refused to volunteer, so in her case I made it mandatory.
All right, Ms. Li, let me make sure I have this straight. You took my daughter's poster from her, altered its content, exhibited it against her will, and are now threatening discipline because you claim she defaced her own property, which you admit to stealing?
LMs. Li
[flustered] That's not what I said at all!
Ms. Li, are you familiar with the phrase "violation of civil liberties"?
And the phrase "big fat lawsuit"?
LMs. Li
I'm glad to see you take such an interest in your daughters, Mrs. Morgendorffer.
Well, it isn't easy raising two teenagers all by yourself... with Jake.
LMs. Li
Of course, I like to think the school environment also plays a pivotal role.
Absolutely. Although it would be nice if the students got a little more encouragement. Maybe a bright kid like Daria would have a better attitude. [Ms. Li laughs] Did I say something funny?
LMs. Li
With all due respect, I can't think of a prison that could create an attitude like your daughter's, much less a school. No, I always assumed that came from interaction with her parents, or lack of it.
Oh, so you draw a distinction between prison and school? Because from what I've heard, you run the one pretty much like the other.
Ms. Li (offended): I don't have to listen to this!
Ms. Li (as she leaves the tent): And by the way, you look 50! (Helen's face falls in horror)
[Daria and Jane open Daria's locker]
I can't help but think that there's something in here that Upchuck's Angels overlooked.
Wow, that's a stretch. Probably just some incriminating piece of evidence that Ms. Li will jump all over as proof of your guilt. [Daria removes a pink pistol from her locker and Ms. Li, Jake, and Helen appear in police uniforms, standing behind her] Right on schedule.
LMs. Li
Ms. Morgendorffer, you're under arrest for the murder of Kevin Thompson. Book her: murder one.
Class, there's been a change in our lesson plan. Today we'll discuss the planets' relative distance from the sun.
But we did that two weeks ago, Ms. B.
And now we're going to do it again, Charles. Unless you wish to spend the period in independent study?
[shivers] No... not the closet.
Now, the reason for the change is that I've received a brand new... [distastefully] ...learning aid. [pulls out a mobile made of Ultra Cola cans, and begins reading off a cue card] "Why, look, students. A three-dimensional model of our solar system, graciously provided by Ultra Cola. Ultra Cola: the favorite beverage in any universe." [sighs] "We can use it to discuss which planets' atmospheres might support the process of carbonation." Or I can just spend the rest of the day in the teachers' bathroom, staring at the tiles. [leaves]
LMs. Li
[over P.A.] Good Ultra Cola morning, students. I am pleased to announce an Ultra Cola schedule change. From now on, the period between classes will be increased from five minutes to 10, allowing you more time to get to your Ultra Cola lockers, organize your Ultra Cola backpacks, and still enjoy a delicious Ultra Cola. Ultra Cola: the refreshing way to learn. [clicks off]
Daria · 137 quotes
