These are really good. I didn't know you study life drawings.
JaneYeah, last summer.
[viewing one of Jane's sketches]: You're really bursting out of the picture frame here.
Jane
Oh, yeah...that particular model was quite bursty. I think she had her bursts done.
Speaking of which, Brittany invited me to her party.
Jane
No kidding, are you going?
Sure and after that I think I'll swallow glass. What? Do you wanna go?
Jane
Oh no I much rather stay home and listen to my brother practice the opening to Come As You Are. I bet I could get some great sketches there.
Well I'm sure there'll be plenty of people posing. If you wanna go just make believe that you're me. When you're popular, all unpopular people who look alike anyway.
Jane
[Takes Daria's glasses and pretends to be her] Hi, I'm Daria. Go to hell. [Takes off Daria's glasses] It won't work my face is too expressive.
[Jane walks up to Daria with a sock on her shoulder]
So, what happened to Bobby Big-head?
Jane
I wasn't really interested.
Too bad. [holds up sock] Is this yours?
Jane
Okay, fine. He thought my head was a lollipop. Ready to go?
I was ready to go before we got here.
How about, The Bleakness That Lies Ahead?
Jane
Too sentimental.
No Life, No Hope, No Future?
Jane
Too pie in the sky.
Mommy's Little Hypocrite?
Jane
Too much like a children's book.
Jane
That sounds promising. Listen, you gotta give them something they'll really appreciate. Picture Kevin and Brittany drinking in your words like an elixir of knowledge. Heady... potent... seductive.
Are you marketing your own fragrance now? [sighs] I'm going to have to write something new for the occasion.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bennett. I can't go to the mall. I have a skin condition.
BMrs. Bennett
What are you talking about, Daria?
If I'm in an enclosed space for too long, I get hives.
BMrs. Bennett
But you're in an enclosed space now.
Yes... and I'm really itchy?
Jane
These hives get bad, Mrs. Bennett, I've seen them. They drip with pus. [class reacts with revulsion and Daria glares at Jane] Just trying to help.
I feel sick. Can someone open a window?
[Jane attempts to open window and fails]
Allow me, fair maiden. [tries to open the window, but fails]
Jane
I didn't know you got car sick.
I don't, usually. It's the fumes. It smells like- it smells like-
Jane
Teen Spirit?
Jane
Brittany must be working up a sweat.
Isn't modeling for people who drop out of high school to pursue a career based solely on youth and looks, both of which are inevitably declared dead at age 25?
Do you have a point, Ms. Morgendorffer?
Jane
And don't fashion people squander their lives loudly worshiping all that is superficial and meaningless while the planet keeps riding a roller coaster to hell?
Modeling is a competitive field, yes, but the financial rewards are great. As principal, I'd be cheating our student body if I didn't allow them every opportunity to fulfill their potential.
Excuse me. Can we assume the financial rewards are great for the school as well?
That is really none of your business!
But I don't want to miss a lesson in applied economics. I'm trying to fulfill my potential.
The school is receiving a fee for its cooperation, but every cent is going to capital improvements! We're finally going to get those bulletproof skylights for the swimming pool.
Jane
Well, I for one am very excited about this. I can feel myself getting into the modeling spirit.
Jane
May I be excused? I'd like to go to the girls' room and vomit up breakfast.
You'd never catch me in a job like that.
[thinking] Because it falls under the category of employment.
Hey, man, we're artists. Who knows where we'll be in five years.
[thinking] Still living over your parent's garage?
Jane
[loud whisper] Say it, Daria. Whatever you're thinking, say it. If you don't, they'll go on like this for hours.
Eyes on the prize, man. Eyes on the prize.
Yeah, and this guy's not about selling out.
Jane
'Cause for that to happen, you'd need someone interested in buying. [looks at Daria] Well, someone had to pick up the slack!
Can you rig that glue-gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.
Jane
Well, you're not your usual sunny self.
I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...
Jane
And all in front of Trent.
...Now turn the knife counterclockwise. I can't go back out there; you go on to Alternapalooza. Tomorrow, I'll emerge and begin my new life as a waitress.
Jane
Daria, if there's one thing I know about my brother is that he's oblivious. There's no need to be self-conscious.
Jane
Now what are you gonna do about that stain on your butt? [Daria glares at her] Kidding! It looks alternative.
Jane
Lemme get this straight. You, Jake, Helen, and Princess Grace are going camping? Like in the woods camping?
I hope the raging envy you're feeling won't affect our friendship.
Jane
I do envy you.
Then I'm afraid the fever has reached your brain, and you'll have to be destroyed.
Jane
You know where I'll be this weekend? The Lane Family Reunion. Dozens of Lanes from all over the country converging in one Midwestern split-level to remind themselves why they scattered in the first place.
I wouldn't think your parents would be caught dead at something like that.
Jane
They wouldn't. We're the black sheep of the clan. We're only invited because hating us brings them closer together.
You know, a weekend is the woods is starting to look good.
Jane
A weekend on the world's tallest pile of seagull droppings is starting to look good.
[in the hallway, Daria and Jane stand in front of their poster]
Jane
All clear?
Jane
[sees Jodie walking towards them] Wait.
[walking up] What are you guys doing here?
Jane
Innocently.
I can't believe what Ms. Li did to your poster. Wait a minute...what are you guys planning?
Jane
It's for your own good.
You got a bright future kid.
Jane
You don't want to be here when what's going to go down goes down.
Jane
Listen to this. "Like a hamster on one of those wheel things, school runs us around and around until we yearn for the food pellet. But only more homework awaits." You know, it's like she read my mind.
Right after you suffered a severe blow to the head.
[comes in] Could you put that away? They're everywhere.
What are you doing here? Bomb scare at your table?
Keep it down, okay? I'm trying to keep a low profile since the paper came out.
Lucky for you, the Pulitzer committee has already finished eating.
Jane
They had the meatloaf.
You must be very excited about what people are calling you.
Jane
Brains Morgendorffer.
Come on, because of one little essay?
It's a slippery slope. Behold, the future.
[Gestures to a table of geeks, one of whom is blowing milk out of his nose and making everybody else laugh]
Jane
Last week, they were trying out for football, then they won one debate tournament.
What am I gonna do? I can't be a brain! My friends will hate me!
Yes, but just think of all the new friends you'll make in Chess Club.
Maybe I can steal all the newspapers before anyone else reads them.
Hey, wait a minute, "Brains." You don't even have lunch this period, do you?
Of course not! I cut Science so I can talk to you. You think I'd sit with you while my grade is at lunch?
About that being mistaken for a brain thing? I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Is that my movie? Can I see?
Sorry, but that would interfere with the creative process.
Jane
See, we're like artists, and this is how we express ourselves. You understand.
I can't wait to see it. I just hope I don't sound stupid or anything. Not that I would.
I just, I know that sometimes certain types of people, jealous people, might think, who does she think she is? Because I sometimes think that. But I can't let myself go on too long thinking that.
I mean, sometimes I'm walking down the hall with Sandi and Stacy, and Tiffany and suddenly I'm outside of myself watching, and it's like, who are these girls? Can't they talk about anything besides guys and clothes and cars but then what would we talk about? You have to be good at something. You're good at your reading and writing and stuff and you're good at your little paintings.
Jane
They are minuscule, aren't they?
I figure, being attractive and popular, that's what I'm good at. Maybe it's not that important, but you know, it's what I can do. [leaves]
Jane
Yeah.
You will marry a man while still in your prime. Then, after putting him through school and spending 20 long-suffering years begging him to turn off those damn Broncos and get a real job, he'll walk out of your life, leaving a trail of muddy footprints behind on the freshly cleaned carpet. But you'll be better off without him. Much better off.
[girl runs away, sobbing]
Jane
Much, much better off.
And she's the living proof.
Jane
Should we get our fortunes read?
I'll pass. Knowing the present is bad enough.
Jane
Then how about a Ferris wheel ride?
Do I look desperate to you?
[Sam and Chris Griffin and Upchuck come running at them]
SCSam and Chris
Crusades! Crusades!
Ladies...wait till you hear "The Ballad of the Misunderstood Minstrel."
Do I look desperate to you now?
Jane
Yep.
[Daria and Jane are on the ferris wheel with Stacy crying]
[sobs] But why? Is it something I said? Something I wore? Oh, I wish I were dead.
Look, don't flush your entire world down the drain just because some jerk didn't ask you out on a second date. It probably had nothing to do with you anyway.
Jane
Unless you did something really stupid, like bore him with your petty problems and convoluted logic.
Daria · 137 quotes
