SSanta
So you're really not here to foil my plans?
No, I swear! I was just trying to have a nice Christmas.
SSanta
Then what am I hassling you for? [to his henchman] Cut his throat. But make it Christmas-y
S14Ninety North, Zero West
S14Whole Slotta Love
You don't know anything about being a flight attendant.
But I do know comedy, and that's all that matters at Southwest.
With you there, people should check their sensitivities at the gate.
Oh my God, that's like a perfect Southwest joke! I want that joke!
I've been experimenting with steroids. It's awesome! Now I wear tank tops with the thinnest straps you've ever seen.
When you're married to a sexy man, there's always gonna be some bush-league snizz trying to storm the castle.
What am I doing?! Drinking Windex and fertilizer and talking to the voices in my head?! This ends now!
S14The Witches of Langley
[in Japanese] This day has been badass.
It sure has, Toshi, my friend. Hey! I understand Tosh!
[in Japanese] Finally! Now that we can communicate, there is something I must tell you... I absolutely adore the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
Oh. Cool.
We used the book, and it worked. But then all the power went straight to Steve's head.
When you're older, I'll show you where all the power goes straight to on me.
S14A Nice Night for a Drive
This is pretty high up. What if the egg shatters their windshield?
I thought you might say that. [He pulls out a cracked egg] Pre-cracked shells.
God, you know me.
S14Casino Normale
Vaginas don't count. They're like all over the place. Throw a rock, you'll hit three.
[as the guy practices hitchhiking] He's giving them a thumbs up!
[a scene shows a plate of bacon on top of the car] And he's got bacon for his eggs!
S14Bazooka Steve
Roger (as he's coming in the kitchen, pulling a cart): In a school fire, you gotta know what you want, 'cuz the clock is ticking, but I nailed it. I got an overhead projector, a hand turkey by "Emily C.", and 12 dozen smoke-damaged copies of Hatchet.
Oh yeah, I owe you a dime. Just grab it out of the change bowl.
Is there a thousand dollars cash in that bowl? 'Cause that's what a dime is in gambler's lingo.
Who knows that?!
Everyone knows that, babe. I thought you were crazy to make that bet. I almost said something.
It had been days since Hayley watched MasterChef Junior with me. I told her I'd wait for her, but I didn't. I couldn't. Peyton made a souffle. Eight years old, making a souffle. Imagine that.
S14Camp Campawanda
Camper Steve was about to commit a panty raid.
CDChief Danny
By himself? That's kind of a bummer.
Okay, guys. I did a little panty raid recon on the girl's cabin...
PPaul
Actually, we're not doing the panty raid.
Why not?
PPaul
Well, we've talked about it and we get the feeling that you're a pretty nerdy fourteen year old. But us, we're pretty cool ten-year-olds. I've kissed three girls this summer. So we're feeling we should avoid anything that you do.
Okay, first of all, Paul... fuck you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.