My roses are like bones in a desert.
OOld Lady
I haven't had a bone in my desert in years.
S14Julia Rogerts
Jeff is meeting Barry today. I need the room.
Oh God, that's today? I have to give Jeff his bath!
[to Hayley] You were supposed to give him a bath last night! [to Francine] And you were supposed to go to the mall!
I didn't want to go by myself.
That's what we have Klaus for.
S14The Life and Times of Stan Smith
[On visiting Arizona State] Oh, man. If you knew what I had in store for you, all your worries would melt away. You'd be swaddled tight, wrapped safely in my freshly laundered plans.
Klaus, what the fuck are you talking about?
[Concerned about shocking Stan] Roger. this finger zapping thing isn't going to hurt, right?
Not a bit. [Stan collapses in convulsions as Roger shocks him]
You said it wouldn't hurt.
No, I said it wouldn't hurt me. You need to listen girl.
S14The Bitchin' Race
[Watching Meredith and Justin on television] I know I should root for someone in the family, but Justin has captured my heart. Oh, I'd love to throw it to his mom while he was sleeping like an angel in the next room.
[Interpreting a bar patron's drink order as a pick up] Whoa, you got the wrong idea. I'm not some prostitute who's going to take you to the back room. I'm a freewheeling party boy who'll slob your knob right here. Just untuck your Tommy Bahama and give me a little privacy curtain.
S14Family Plan
NNicholas
And these must be my granddaughters.
Um, yes, yes, they are.
Mom!
Just go with it.
[After learning that Cassandra committed suicide]
Momma, the man said someone died upstairs. What if I see a g-g-g-ghost?
I don't know Steve, you'll probably p-p-p-piss your pants.
S14The Long Bomb
[Imitating Steve] Hey mom, where's the applesauce? [Imitating Francine] In the fridge, Steve. [Imitating Steve] I only see watery-ass Kroger, where's the Mott's? [Imitating Francine] They taste the same. [Imitating Steve] HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIIIIIIND?!
JCJohnny Concussion
Johnny Concussion always gets up.
S14Kloger
Snot, we're screwed. This guy's gonna put us back in diapers.
What do you mean, "back in"? Some of us never left.
Text bubbles are made out of flesh-eating bacteria. You didn't know that?
[last lines]
[leaving prison] Somebody stop me! I'm Mask now! Guys, guys. Don't speak all at once. You're making me sound crazy.
S14Garbage Stan
I really hope there's a Darryl Strawberry rookie card in your grandpop's unit.
Sorry, Klaus. Even if we found a Rebecca Lobo rookie card, I'd leave it there. Dad would be so angry if he found out about this. I just wanna learn a little bit more about Grandpa.
You'd take the Lobo.
I'd have to.
The way the dashboard and the windshield smush the hash browns together with the sausage...
We should call 'em "dash browns."
You just think of that?
Just now.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.