American Dad! · Season 1
[after getting out of Francine's suitcase] Guess you forgot to unpack me on the ride over here, huh? Well, good thing I dropped a deuce in your nylons! I need a drink; where's the booze in this place?
There is no booze. Saudi Arabia is a dry country.
[Staring at her] Seriously, where's the booze?
I'm find us a satellite so we can watch Lost when I get home. Just because we're stuck in this wasteland doesn't mean it's not Wednesday!
Honey, maybe you and Rashad would like to go play.
Mom, he's like eight years old. I'm not a little kid anymore. My childhood died on July 18 2003. The day Kobe Bean Bryant was charged with sexual assault.
Steve-
Why was he even in Colorado in the first place? Black man don't go to Colorado.
[Hayley notices that Jeff is eating corn-dog in the movie theater]
Jeff, that's a corn-dog! We're vegetarian!
Still?
Does this furniture polish have alcohol in it? [drinks bottle] Hmm, tastes like I might die.
Oh, I invited the fellows over for a feast after work so I figured you could whip something up. Or as they say in this country, [clap clap]
Forget it! You may have me locked up in this house but I control what I do in it. Or as they say in my country, [finger snaps]
[landing on the ground after being punched by Thundercat] You wanna dance, bitch? Let's dance!
Quick!, cover your mouth. Thats how they enter your body to lay their eggs
Can I see your boobs?
I must warn you. Those who've stared into the bosom of eternal wisdom have been driven hopelessly insane.
Wow. Now I have to see them!
[Stan and Francine in the market]
Saudi Arabia is the greatest country in the world!
Greatest country in the world?
[singing]
We packed our bags we hopped a plane, we left our happy home.
Uh, Francine, singing is kinda illegal here...
The culture seemed a bit insane, but you said "Hey, when in Rome..."
Uh, seriously Francine ix-nay on the inging-say..
Maybe you've got no reason to complain...
But I've got no Y chromosome.
[speaking]
So here's what I don't like about Saudi Arabia. Hit it!
You can't go out unless you are escorted by a man.
And when you do you come home with a butt crack full of sand.
No alcohol, no rum and cokes, and no Dom Perignon.
At least a girl can have a smoke.
But not on Ramadan.
Oh it's a land of joy, if you are a boy.
But if you are a girl, it's the worst place in the world.
Ok Francine, we get it.
Oh but I'm just getting started.
American girls, we do pilates.
Starve ourselves until we're hotties.
Why? Because we like our bodies!
Check me out, you uptight Saudis!
[Francine strips down to lingere and boots]
Oh it's so awfully grand.
Come on Francine, stop singing.
If you are a man.
I'm only back-up singing.
If you don't take me home soon Stan I think I'm gonna hurl...
It's the worst place in the world.
I started this point system and she's way behind.
I only want to see the world, explore, and socialize.
But in this town I can't so much as look at other guys!
Cause if I did they'd call me harlot, whore, adulteress.
I'd bet my last riyal you fellas won't approve of this!
Who wants a kiss?
[Francine kisses all the men in the market]
It's great if you're from Mars, but not if you're from Venus.
If you want to drive a car, you'd better have a penis.
So if you've got a vagina...
Ohhh!
A vulva..
Eeee!
A clitoris...
What is a clitoris?
And a labia...
You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia!
[US airport, Stan kisses the ground]
Gee Dad, 24 hours ago you hated America.
Oh ha ha ha, shut the hell up Hayley.
But you know, I will admit America has its flaws.
Really Dad, like what?
[singing]
Well there's...
Free speech, and there's gun control, and lousy Democrats.
The media's too liberal and everyone's too fat.
The women have careers and form opinions of their own.
We let our wives control our lives...
Damn it's good to be home!
[family singing]
Our life's not always great, in these United States.
But remember boys and girls...
It's not the worst place in the world!
It's not the worst place in the world, yeah yeah.
Oh, and uh, what happens in Saudi Arabia, stays in Saudi Arabia. Ok, seriously.
[after Francine's scream shatters his bowl] Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia, but I'm the real fish out of water! [laughs, then suddenly stopping] Seriously, I'm dying.
[God in the form of Angelina Jolie is talking to Steve]
You know, Steve, you'll be all grown up before you know it. So in the meantime, why not enjoy being a kid a little longer? Because it doesn't last forever.
[Pause]
Hey, can I see your boobs?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
