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American Dad! quotes

929 quotes · page 46 of 62

American Dad!

All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6 S7 S8 S9 S10 S11 S12 S13 S14 S15 S16 S17

S9 E4Crotchwalkers

[after hearing Stan sing Climb Ev'ry Mountain while still in his falsetto voice]

Oh, my God! That was transcendent!

With you and your heavenly voice accompanying us, we'll skyrocket to the top of the ever-popular world music charts!

I say we reunite the band, but as a quartet! How 'bout it, Daddy?

I suppose I could give it a try.

[the others cheer]

Yeah, it'll be fun, right? I mean, this could be just what I need to get outta this living room. [suction pops off Stan's crotch; back in his normal voice] And back into life. [looks down] My boys just dropped!

No! No! No!

Thank God I'm back to normal! I don't have to settle for a life of singing with you idiots after all! [sings as he leaves] Swing low, sweet chariot…

Ah, the hell with it.

[he, Hayley, and Klaus drop their instruments]

[Matilda, still stuck in the sweatshop forced to sew clothes, is still thinking about Francine's promise to rescue her, but what she didn't know is that Francine actually forgot to save her. After 6 months of remembering that and realizing she isn't coming for her, Matilda had only one thing to say about Francine:]

MMatilda

Bitch. [continues sewing]

S9 E5Kung Pao Turkey

[Stan finds Francine and her mother in the kitchen cooking dinner]

Francine, what the hell's goin' on in here? It should smell like turkey and stuffing, not a medley of longevity-inducing vegetables.

Dad, this is my mom's famous stir-fry. I thought we could have it instead of sweet potatoes.

But that's not Thanksgiving! I don't wanna see this tiny corn!

MMMah Mah

I don't wanna see your tiny corn. Put on some pants!

I'm not changing the way I dress on this most American of days. This is traditional American Thanksgiving garb. You know how you guys always wear karate outfits? Well, this is Uncle Sam's version of that.

[whistles] Here, Dixie Cup!

[his SUV pulls up to him]

Easy, girl. Easy.

[he gets in his SUV and drives away]

S9 E6Independent Movie

Hey, Banelli! You got a lot of nerve showin' up here!

BBanelli

So what? So what? It's a free world. So what?

Excuse me, Stan. That's the bitch who gave all my ideas to Michael Crichton.

Mom, who died?

[his uncle shows up]

IIra

Schmuely.

Uncle Ira? What are you doing here?

IIra

How shall I put this? You're a child, and you're gonna remember this for the rest of your life. So I wanna make sure I say this right. YOUR DAD IS DEAD! HE'S DEAD!!!

S9 E7Faking Bad

[Hayley enters Steve's room; Steve is under a blanket fort on his bed]

Hey, buddy. [lifts the flap]

It's called "Fortress of Solitude". Not "Fortress of Come on In".

Oh. Right. Star Trek Wars. [imitates lasers]

Okay. Next I.D. is ready. Mike Rotch? I'm looking for Mike Rotch.

[Bart Simpson, right behind him, laughs]

S9 E8Minstrel Krampus

[Stan, Roger, and Santa set off to find Steve and Krampus]

Wow. Full moon tonight.

Actually, once you get above the clouds, it's always a full moon.

Is that true?

SCSanta Claus

What.

Is any of this?

[grunts]

Oh.

SCSanta Claus

Well, i’m not for sure.

[last line]

[to the home audience] You better be good, boys and girls, or I'll beat you until blood's comin' from your ears and your eyes and your mouth. Merry Christmas! And from your ass.

Hey bitch, where's my Mickey Mouse towel!

I'm sorry! I'll try harder.

Roger, Who guys are you to say that happened.

S9 E9Vision: Impossible

[enters with something wrapped in a towel] You guys will not believe what's in this towel.

A baby. A baby you gave birth to, and you didn't even know you were pregnant. It just popped out on the lawn. You thought you were just takin' a D on the lawn, but surprise! It wasn't a deuce. It was a baby, and it's in that towel. [taps the table] Show me that baby!

No. It's a raccoon.

I like to drive around and pretend I have zoo problems.

[Roger awakens from his coma]

Roger, thank God you're awake! You've been in a coma.

Oh, my God! How long was I out? [holds up a beard] This long? [holds up a longer beard] Or this long?

The first one.

[Roger puts on the shorter beard]

These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.