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S9 E4

American Dad! · Season 9, Episode 4

“Crotchwalkers” quotes from American Dad!

3 quotes

“Crotchwalkers” · Season 9, Episode 4

In this episode: Stan Smith (2), Roger (2), Hayley Smith (2), Francine Smith (1), Klaus (1)

[Francine brings an incapacitated Stan to Hayley and Roger]

Okay. I'll bite. What's up with the gyroscope on his junk?

Stan was injured and went into a rare condition known as "testicular retreat syndrome". His "nuggs" were so traumatized, they ran up into his body to heal.

What?! Will he be okay?

We don't know yet. They might drop down again someday, but the doctors say there's a good chance they'll just die up there, like a gut-torn rabbit in a wooden thicket.

Wait. Hold on a second. I'm confused. WHY TO HELL DIDN'T YOU DICKS SHOW UP TO OUR BALALAIKA CONCERT?!?!

[falsetto voice] I've got bigger problems right now than supporting your commie music!

[Hayley and Roger laugh]

Stop! So what if I sound a little feminine?! Stop laughing, and treat me with the respect I deserve!

[Hayley and Roger laugh again]

My voice is not that…

[dogs are heard barking faintly]

Not that high.

[the barking grows louder]

It's a little higher than usual.

[the barking grows even louder; the sound of banging against the door is heard]

[after hearing Stan sing Climb Ev'ry Mountain while still in his falsetto voice]

Oh, my God! That was transcendent!

With you and your heavenly voice accompanying us, we'll skyrocket to the top of the ever-popular world music charts!

I say we reunite the band, but as a quartet! How 'bout it, Daddy?

I suppose I could give it a try.

[the others cheer]

Yeah, it'll be fun, right? I mean, this could be just what I need to get outta this living room. [suction pops off Stan's crotch; back in his normal voice] And back into life. [looks down] My boys just dropped!

No! No! No!

Thank God I'm back to normal! I don't have to settle for a life of singing with you idiots after all! [sings as he leaves] Swing low, sweet chariot…

Ah, the hell with it.

[he, Hayley, and Klaus drop their instruments]

[Matilda, still stuck in the sweatshop forced to sew clothes, is still thinking about Francine's promise to rescue her, but what she didn't know is that Francine actually forgot to save her. After 6 months of remembering that and realizing she isn't coming for her, Matilda had only one thing to say about Francine:]

MMatilda

Bitch. [continues sewing]

These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.