JJJacques and Josee
[run and scream in terror]
JacquesI love rhinos! I love rhinos!
Junior! Oh, Buddy am I happy to see you. I’m sorry we didn’t finish the challenge, pal, but I- I couldn’t take pictures. I just have to find you!
Who said we didn’t finish?
JJJacques and Josee
Rhinos are my friend!
So proud of you. Now, we just need to make sure your mom never sees this episode, ever.
Alright, dad. That’s enough.
Jacques
We know.
Hey, once you're up there, if you double-cross us, I'll make you pay.
Jacques
Pfft. You don't scare me.
[pulls him down and grabs him by the collar; threateningly] I'll break your limbs, tie you into a knot, and throw you off a cliff.
Jacques
Okay, that actually does scare me.
Let’s save this farm, Whoohoo!
[teams step on cabbages]
Here, albino, bino, bino! Don’t worry, bud, well get those rabbits.
Jacques
Lapin! [gets attacked] Aaah! A little help?
Not now, I’m busy clearing. [MacArthur stares at her] They boomeranged us.
Jacques
We boomeranged them.
[reading the tip] "Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump."
Jacques
Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?
It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip.
[gets the tip] Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.
Oh, you weren’t that bad.
Devinm Don't worry, the rage has left the Devin. I’m not angry at Shelly for dumping me anymore, infact, I want you back, baby, and I’ll do anything to prove it! I’ll climb to the top of the tree!
[Devin climbs all the way up into that tree]
And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. [Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans] Yeah, this is gonna be great.
Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!
We can't lose! It's an us ranch! [high-fives with Brody]
[Ryan gets the tip]
Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.
Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.
[interview] I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.
Yeah, you don't complain at all.
That would make me feel terrible! This is the part where you pretend it’s possible!
It’s down to three teams in a race for failure of the day. [Dwayne goes over the Bull Buster 3000, Junior slaps his head, Jacques gets ready to ride the bull]
Jacques
Ah! Ah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah-
[Loki stands on a tree branch and throws acorns at a Komodo dragon, waking it up; the dragon tries to catch Loki and holds onto the tree and starts drooling; the Goths put a bucket next to the dragon to collect its drool, and stand behind a bush]
[interview] Loki doesn't know fear. [the dragon smells her and Ennui's deodorant, and runs away] Yes. Smell your defeat.
[Ennui fills up the vial of Komodo drool from the bucket; the Ice Dancers pop out of the bushes watching them]
That is one B-A-D (bad) bunny.
Jacques
Well, that plan backfired. And much faster this time.
[Ice Dancers' interview]
Jacques
I have no problem being the assistant here. When we skate, I'm always the magician.
Jacques
I lift you, carry you, twirl you around, ha. All you need to do is smile and not fall down.
Wow. I hope I do this trick right. I'd hate to watch you get EATEN BY A LION! [gets up in Jacques' face, angrily]
I can't believe the goths came in first again! I knew I should've used this!
Jacques
They're not vampires! Agh! At least we didn't finish last, and I got to keep the outfit. [chuckles]
Oh. Carrie, I am so sorry. It's totally my fault, and I realized something.
Did you realize this is a non-elimination round?
[Sanders reaches the Chill Zone herself while her partner tries waking up her burro]
Um, you seem to be shy one loud, aggressive partner.
[The Ice Dancers show up]
Jacques
Ah! There's only one cop. They don't win!
Not yet. But unless one of you coughs up two burros, I'll have to give you a 10-minute penalty.
[victoriously] Yes! [calling out to her partner as the Ice Dancers are penalized for ten minutes] Hurry, MacArthur! You've got 10!
[Josee and Jacques are proud of how they managed to get the Goths eliminated]
From now on, we stay in the winners circle by any means necessary.
No, you cannot taser anyone.
Aw. [Ice Dancers’ interview]
Jacques
But at least I got another team eliminated.
That's true. We did. It's like we won a gold medal in treachery!
[reading the tip] "Travel to Cần Thơ, Vietnam."
Cần Thơ is not only a great name for a movie villain, it's also the largest city in Vietnam's thriving Mekong Delta. Teams will find their next tip here, along the Mekong River, where the fish are plentiful, ugh, and pungent. Get that thing away from me! [more characters getting travel tips]
Uhh! It says- here! You read, I’ll get us a cab! Taxi!
PPilot
[over PA] Welcome, uhh, aboard, everyone, huh. We're going to be, um... closing the... uh... cabin doors, any uhh... second now. For the taking off.
[irately impatient] JUST CLOSE THE DOORS ALREADY!!! [plane cabin doors slam close; sighs in relief]
[Josse screams infuriated]
All the teams are off! Some happier than others.
Now we're all on the same flight, and it's all because of that pilot!
Jacques
Why? Because he, uhh, spoke, uhh- [Josee punches him in the shoulder, getting him to stop talking] Ow!
[which is behind a yeti] AAH! AAAH!
YYeti
[follows Carrie] UGH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! [a yeti slides upwards on a rock]
YYeti
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! [grabs onto the Daters’ ice yacht sail] Ooh.
Are you sure you two aren’t related?
YYeti
[runs, then pushes the ice yacht]
Jacques
Josee! What are you going?
Shh! Let’s just say the Cadets can’t catch a break.
Jacques
Huh? I don’t get it!
I think it’s you who has a screw loose, come on, let’s get another boat. Goodbye.
Josee! Jacques! Wait! We need help!
Jacques
Did you hear something?
Help! Allies! I guess they couldn’t hear us.
Uh, they heard you. They’re just mean.
Jacques
It’s a Botch or Watch! “Ride 'em, Gaucho.”?
For this Botch or Watch the team member who didn’t play ring toss in the Arctic gets to ride a horse. And use a traditional badora to tie up their team’s designated emu. Once their emu is wrapped up, they must bring it by taxi to the Chill Sone located here, a top Mount Aconcagua in the Andes. But hurry, the last team to arrive maybe heading home, Back at the academy, the Best Friends aren’t letting a single nosebleed stop them.
Oh, way to hurt your partner!
Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race · 242 quotes
