Devin quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Devin

[as the local artiste rejects their caricature] What do you mean "no?" She got an "A" in art last semester. [the artiste shows him the caricature of him laying down with a six-pack] Oh, I see! It's too realistic.

Devin

Turns out, I'm violently allergic to hot peppers, especially when rubbed into my eyes, so, yeah, my vision's kinda off. But don't tell Carrie. I'm trying impress her, you know, lay the land for when I tell her I like like her.

Devin

[reading the tip] Aw, sweet! Looks like we're going to Paris!

Carrie

[gasps in surprise; excitedly] Oh yeah?

Don

Paris, France. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffee's and other things that annoy me like you wouldn't believe. [Cut to him standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower] Once in Paris, teams must make their way here, to the Eiffel Tower and find their next tip.

Devin

[shivering while freezing] This reminds me of, um, last winter when Shelley locked me out of the car for buying her the wrong kind of tea.

Carrie

[interview] He got frost bite and nearly lost three toes over a tea? He deserves better than that. A rabid goat deserves better than that.

Carrie

Uh, I'm not sure if I can-- [about to barf]

Devin

I-It's okay. Relax. I'll eat it. You just skewer up some worms and-- [Carrie runs off and vomits] I can't even say worms? [Carrie vomits again; interview] When we were kids, her sister dared her to eat… [covers Carrie's ears; quietly] a worm. [normally] She did it, and then she barfed for six days straight.

Carrie

[holding a bucket to throw up in] Were you talking about…worms?

Devin

Yes? [Carrie throws up in the bucket] Yeah, I walked into that one.

Devin

Crimson? Wow! Your skin is so flesh-colored.

Carrie

I love your hair.

Crimson

You're throwing a lot of positive emotions my way, and I don't know what to do with that.

Devin

[reading the tip] "Stop in at Geelong maximum security."

Don

Geelong Prison closed in 1991. But during its 146 years of operation, it was the most brutal and violent lockup on Earth. Now it's an extreme travel hot spot! As teams arrive, they'll be throw into cells. Each cell is equipped with four methods of escape: tunnels, trap doors, hidden tools, or bars. Once they break out of their cell, they're free to make their way to today's final Don box, here on the Barwon river. Boomerangs can only be used here. After they pass this point, the boomerang expires. And, as a special bonus treat…

Junior

[reading] "First team to today's Chill Zone gets to make a phone call home." Cool, we can call Mom.

Dwayne

Or better yet, order a pizza. [Junior points to the camera; clears throat] Eh, b-but of course, you know, I'm joking.

Devin

Shelley? Oh. Thanks, Ashton. Ashton's her tennis instructor, he's just getting her now. Shelley! Hi! It's me, Devin. I miss you so much… Whoa, whoa, what? No! We never broke up. Y-You're dating who?! Ashton?! No! Please, Shelley, don't! Wait! [Shelley hangs up and Don takes the phone away from him] No, no, I need to call her back!

Don

Sorry, one phone call only. So, how's the girlfriend?

Devin

[devastated] She's dumped me… for her tennis instructor! [starts sobbing hysterically]

Don

Whoa, the tennis instructor? That never happens.

Carrie

Maybe I should tell him now? Or, I'll wait for him to stop sobbing.

Josee

[reading the tip] "Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump."

Jacques

Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?

Don

It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip.

Devin

[gets the tip] Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.

Carrie

Oh, you weren’t that bad.

Carrie

And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. [Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans] Yeah, this is gonna be great.

Geoff

Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!

Brody

And we are dudes!

Geoff

We can't lose! It's an us ranch! [high-fives with Brody]

Stephanie

Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.

Ryan

Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.

Stephanie

[interview] I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.

Ryan

Yeah, you don't complain at all.

Carrie

You know, the Goths really kicked butt in Alberta. Think we should try to form an alliance with them?

Devin

Alliances are just invitations to get stabbed in the back. You can never really know anyone. As soon as you think you do, wham! They rip your heart from your chest and they eat it.

Carrie

Okay, so… is that a no?

Crimson

You were so friendly with the Besties. You practically smiled.

Ennui

They're survivors, like us. I felt a kinship.

Crimson

Do we try to form an alliance?

No.

Ryan

All right, what do we do?

Stephanie

So, the assistant goes into one side of the cage, the lion is in the other. The cage gets covered, and the magician pulls the lever to the correct position to drop the divider and the lion off the stage. That way the assistant doesn't get mauled. Let's go. I'll be the magician.

Ryan

Nah, nah. The girl is always the assistant, the man is the magician.

Stephanie

You better hope that dress can fit over your thick head.

Ryan

Aw, come on, Steph, be reasonable.

Stephanie

Says the guy who dumped me on television.

Ryan

[dismayed] Crud.

Don

As the Cadets and Sisters race to the Don Box to choose an Either-Or, Best Friends, Carrie and Devin lose valuable ground.

Carrie

Man, this cad is so slow…

Devin

Hey driver, the next cactus, turn west…

[thumbs up] Hmm…

Josee

I can't believe the goths came in first again! I knew I should've used this!

Jacques

They're not vampires! Agh! At least we didn't finish last, and I got to keep the outfit. [chuckles]

Carrie

Did we make it?

Don

Yes.

Carrie

Alright!

Don

In last place.

Devin

Oh. Carrie, I am so sorry. It's totally my fault, and I realized something.

Don

Did you realize this is a non-elimination round?

Devin

[takes a medium pepper from the cart after recovering from the heat enough] Okay. We can do this, for Carrie.

Carrie

Okay, uh, not so bad, Olympic divers do it. They're sure they trained first as they don't die doing it, but still...

Devin

[screaming in pain] Fire! Am I on fire?!

Carrie

Devin! Kitty, is he okay?!

You may wanna start climbing! [eats the medium pepper]

[calling out] Doing great, Kitty!

[screaming as the medium pepper burns her] HOT, HOT! Oh, ho! IT BURNS! [waves the green flag] JUMP!!!

Nice work, Kit! [jumps off the cliff and into the bay below]

Devin

This is nothing. I can… [eats the medium pepper and ends up spitting it out and screams]

Carrie

Devin, just eat the mild one. [sighs] Looks like I'm going to the top.

Devin

Wait. Was Carrie holding hands with Ryan?! Was she? [accidentally rubs pepper juice in his eyes, causing him to be fully blind] AAAH! Pepper juice! MY EYES!!!

Carrie

"Holding hands?" I was just helping Ryan jump.

Devin

Oh, of course you were. You were just being "helpful". Sometimes too helpful. But we should focus on the million.

Sanders

From now on, we stay in the winners circle by any means necessary.

MacArthur

Does this mean I get-

Sanders

No, you cannot taser anyone.

MacArthur

Aw. [Ice Dancers’ interview]

Josee

Second place. Again!

Jacques

But at least I got another team eliminated.

Josee

That's true. We did. It's like we won a gold medal in treachery!

Sanders

[reading the tip] "Travel to Cần Thơ, Vietnam."

Don

Cần Thơ is not only a great name for a movie villain, it's also the largest city in Vietnam's thriving Mekong Delta. Teams will find their next tip here, along the Mekong River, where the fish are plentiful, ugh, and pungent. Get that thing away from me! [more characters getting travel tips]

Devin

Uhh! It says- here! You read, I’ll get us a cab! Taxi!

Carrie

Uh, wrong way!