Jacques quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Jacques

I compare noodling catfish to massaging my grandma's feet, which I don't like.

MacArthur

Well, if it isn't the smiling silvertons.

Josee

[kicks the cheese out the way, revealing the next tip, in sign form] I hate silver!

Jacques

[reading] "Take your cheese and sail away to where Mona Lisa's on display."

Sanders

The Louvre!

Don

The Louvre-- home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching.

Josee

Bye! You stink worse than this cheese float!

MacArthur

Too bad you forgot your oars!

Jacques

Darn it!

Josee

Jacques, you were supposed to get the oars!

Don

As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge alive, the top six have reached the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park where their next challenge awaits.

Jacques

[gets a tip from the Don box] It's an Either/Or. "Feast or Fossil?"

Don

An Either/Or challenge requires teams to complete one of two tasks. In this case, teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast, or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of this ice cave. Once their chosen task is complete, teams must bring their intact fossil, or empty platter, to the Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may be out of the race.

Rock

C'mon, guy! You gotta get the tip! [Spud sticks his hand in the mitt to get the tip and gets bitten and swollen by the ants, but doesn't scream in pain; Rockers' interview] Spud's got a delayed reaction to everything, including pain. So I don't expect him to feel those hundreds of excruciating bites, for like, two hours. Then he'll be all like, "Yow!" and then like, "Oooh!" and then like, "YOW!"

Spud

Uh, what are you talking about?

Josee

[takes a tip from the Don box] Botch or Watch. You're up, Jacques. Get the tip!

Jacques

[sticks his hand in the mitt, and screams in pain as the ants bite him] It stings like missing gold in Vancouver if I have a point! [interview] Arriving late to Brazil means we had to up our performance.

Josee

Like the way I did in the Olympic Trials.

Jacques

[agreeing] Yes, like the way we did that.

Jacques

Tell me again what happened?

Josee

I told you, a monkey jumped down from a tree, picked up a coconut and threw it at you.

Jacques

[getting a tip from the Don box; reading] "Make your way to Dracula's castle in Transylvania?"

Don

[wearing vampire fangs; slurred] Transylvania! Transylvania! [spits out the teeth] Transylvania. Home of majestic mountains, old Saxon architecture, and the birthplace of the heebie-jeebies. Teams must travel here, to this castle, to receive their next tip.

Jacques

It's a Botch or Watch. Ah! Gymnastics!

Don

Gymnastics. Nastics that take place in a gym. Whoever didn't face the bullet ants in Brazil, must perform two gymnastic feats.

Josee

[screeching to a stop, realizing something] Something doesn't feel right. [gasps] Oh, no! Bun-bun! Where's Bun-bun?!

Jacques

It's okay. We don't need a rabbit's foot. Like you said about my underpants, it's just a silly superstition.

Josee

Okay, take off your lucky ditch, then. [Jacques runs off] That's what I thought!

Jacques

One time, I was late picking up Josee from practice, her mom attacked me with a lamp.

Josee

I don't miss that lamp.

Jacques

Or her mom.

Josee

Forged from lava, this stone embodies my fiery determination to win! (laughs evilly)

Jacques

You mean "our" determination to win?

Josee

Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure.

Don

[as the Ice Dancers approach the Chill Zone] Welcome to the Chill Zone. You've come in 3rd, again. [Jacques and Josee gasp in shock] Kidding! The twins got here way before you.

Jay

Me and Mickey took one of the non-gold cabs. They're a lot faster.

Jacques

You mean we're… 4TH?! We didn't make the podium at all?!

Don

What podium? There is no podium.

Josee

There is always a podium!

Josee

How are you feeling?

Jacques

I can't feel my face!

Josee

Good. [feeds the street food to Jacques to eat it] Done! We're in first place! [gets the tip] It's a Botch or Watch, "Who ever didn't look for rings in Hawaii…"

Don

Must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way here, to the Great Wall of China. Using only their unimentally map. Last team to find the Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall and check in, could be checking out.

Jacques

Orivwa!

MacArthur

Hussle!

Josee

Jacques is mad at me.

Jacques

I'd like an apology.

Josee

Why should I apologize? Obviously, I didn't know it was bad luck when I took it from the island. Ugh!

Jacques

Apology accepted.

Josee

Thank you.

Jacques

[opens the door] You need to fly this thing faster!

You’re not allowed in here!

Josee

Uh, do you know who we are?

Aren’t you those figure skaters who lost the gold at the Olympics?

Jacques

JUST FLY FASTER!