Ryan quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Ryan

Cooking up something disgusting for someone you love is so hot. But when it comes to not in love… [looks down at Stephanie] Man, is it fun?

Ryan

Whenever we had an argument, my dad will gratuitously agree with my mom until she calms down or leaves.

Ryan

I memorized the first half, Stephanie took the second half.

Stephanie

We share everything… except french fries. If he ever touches my fries… KA-BLAM!

Stephanie

Ryan has voiced some concerns about how "competitive" I've been getting, but we reached an understanding.

Ryan

[clears throat] I need to try harder so that Stephanie doesn't feel the need to be constant and lone motivator.

Stephanie

[blows a kiss, hugging him] We are so going to win this.

Stephanie

OPEN YOUR EYES! Our donkey is going way slower than the other ones, it wants us to lose! [interview] I'm not too competitive.

Ryan

[clears throat] Yes, you are.

Stephanie

Are you okay, sugar-plum? I just wanna win, and this is a competition. So, yeah, [gets up] when things get tense, we can't hold back! [walks closer to the camera, inch-by-inch] We gotta dig deep, work hard, give it everything!

Don

Ryan, Stephanie, I'm sorry. You are the last to arrive.

Stephanie

[devastated] NOOOOOOOO!!!

Ryan

We're eliminated? [sets Stephanie down] Great. 'Cause Steph, you're eliminated from this. [flexes]

Stephanie

You're breaking up with me? On national television?

Don

International, actually.

Stephanie

Seriously? You're giving me the silent treatment? Oh, ho, ho, two can play that game. I'm the Queen of Silent Treatment. I've got a whole bag of quiet to drop on you.

Ryan

Pfft, I look forward to it.

Stephanie

You just wait, mister.

Stephanie

Ha! Your lame cooking couldn't slow me down.

Ryan

Whoo, baby! Cockroach breath! [chuckles]

Don

I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings for each other. You're in first place, congratulations!

Stephanie

Whoo, we did it!

Ryan

Yes! Alright!

How's your hand?

Noah

It's fine. [holds up his swollen hand] This one not so much.

Oh, it's horrible! Come here.

Don

Last episode's Chill Zone sits atop the Great Wall of China. That makes it today's starting point. And last episode's winners are the first team to grab a tip.

Ryan

[takes a tip from the Don box and Stephanie swipes it out of his hand] You gonna tell me what it says?

Stephanie

You gonna let me read it? [interview] We can't quit now. The prize money's like our children. We're staying together for the kids.

Ryan

I heard they're changing our name from the Daters to the Haters.

Stephanie

Hey, go for it. My hate for him won us the last round, so today, I plan to hate him even more.

Ryan

I couldn't hate her more if I tried. They might as well just give us the money right now.

Stephanie

[reading] "Fly to Oulu, Finland."

Finland?

Don

Finland. This European country is home to countless coffee drinkers, cellphone users, and the most saunas per capita, which is where the teams are headed. Here, to this Don box of the piping hot sauna's Apena Pilei Spa. Why suffer in the cold…when you can suffer in the heat?

Stephanie

Taxi! Taxi!

Ryan

I can do this without your help.

Stephanie

Can you really?

Ryan

There isn't much we agree on anymore.

Stephanie

I agree with that.

Ryan

Pfft, yeah, right. You're just trying to make me look dumb.

Stephanie

Get in the boat.

Ryan

Let me finish my apple.

Stephanie

Get…in…THE BOAT!

Ryan

You wouldn't.

Junior

[humming a tune while laying back as another raft bumps in from behind, thinking it's his dad] I knew you were going to catch up-- [realizes it's the Daters/Haters instead] Oh. Uh, hey.

Ryan

What's up, kid? Where's your dad?

Junior

We got separated. And the family rule is, if you get separated, go to your destination. Uh, do you mind if I tag along?

Ryan

Oh-ho-ho. You don't wanna get in this boat. Stephanie might hit you with an oar and shove you off a cliff!

Stephanie

Are you still talking about that? "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!" Get over it.

Junior

How did you guys manage to get a selfie? [Stephanie tosses him their camera] Wow. That's impressive.

Stephanie

Ha! You hear that? Impressive!

Ryan

He doesn't know any better. He's just a child.

Junior

Actually, I've got a chest hair, so…

Stephanie

So he's already more of a man than you, Ryan.

Don

While most of the other teams have already started the rhino challenge, our last place Ice Dancers have finally landed in Africa.

Josee

Out of our way, sky waitress! We're in a race!

Stephanie

Well, I only boss you around because you have no leadership skills, guts, or common sense.

Junior

So, uh, thanks for the lift.

Ryan

Please, I saved us from elimination way more often than you have.

Junior

Uh, but I should go…

Stephanie

Are you insane?!

Ryan

I must be. I was dating you!

Junior

Maybe find my dad…

Stephanie

Why do you have to remind me? I'd already blocked that out!

Junior

Anyway, you're not listening, so… [runs off alone leaving the Haters to continue their argument] Good luck… With everything. I don't like to judge, but those two probably shouldn't have kids.

Josee

[reading the tip] "Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump."

Jacques

Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?

Don

It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip.

Devin

[gets the tip] Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.

Carrie

Oh, you weren’t that bad.

Carrie

And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. [Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans] Yeah, this is gonna be great.

Geoff

Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!

Brody

And we are dudes!

Geoff

We can't lose! It's an us ranch! [high-fives with Brody]

Stephanie

Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.

Ryan

Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.

Stephanie

[interview] I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.

Ryan

Yeah, you don't complain at all.

Geoff

[getting the tip] It's an All-In. "Tip Your Hat, Split Your Jeans, and Eat Like a Cowboy by All Means."

Don

Working together, teammates must eat an entire pot of pork and beans. At the bottom of the pot, they'll find their next travel tip.

Geoff

Whoa!

Brody

My fave food to nosh on is totally pork and beans, dude!

Geoff

I can scarf most things. Brody's got an iron stomach with the taste buds of a dude that doesn't have any taste buds. We're golden.

Stephanie

See? Dude advantage. But we're in 2nd, so all's not lost.

Ryan

Only our love for each other. [he and Stephanie high five]

Stephanie

Exactly. [looking down into the pot; horrified] Beans? Beans?! BEANS?! I'm not usually a picky eater, but beans are the grossest food on the planet and should never be consumed by human beings, ever. That's it.

Ryan

[clears throat] Chicken.

Stephanie

What was that?