Geoff quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Geoff

My grandma used to tell me that if you swim in a shark's mouth, you got to keep on swimming.

Geoff

[stuffs a feast piece in Brody's mouth during the Either/Or challenge] We got this. [interview] Feels weird to feed Brody like he's a little niblet, but it's a team challenge. The guy is a human trash can. He'll eat anything.

Never…say…DIE!

Don

In this All-In challenge, one team member has to make a headpiece, the other a tail, worthy of walking the parade during Carnival. When this local approves of their handy work, they'll get their next tip.

MacArthur

Piece of cake. [interview] I know how to make costumes. I went trick-or-treating as a beat cop for 10 years straight.

Sanders

Seriously? Every year?

MacArthur

Well, one time I mixed it up and went as a parole officer, so, yeah.

Don

The lady cops take the lead, and back at the bullet ants, teams from plane #1 are still botching-or-watching.

Geoff

[after getting both his hands bitten by the ants] I pump iron. So, once righty started swelling, I just had to switch to the left. Symmetry is what bodybuilding's all about.

Brody

Dude, your mitts are ripped!

Kelly

[to her daughter while grabbing onto a vine] Hop on, and hold on! DO IT!

Taylor

Mom, stop. You know screaming makes your neck waddle.

Don

Geoff, Brody, congratulations. You're today's winners!

Geoff

Awesome!

Brody

Yes!

Geoff

I love you, man!

Brody

I'd marry you all over again.

Don

I love weddings.

Don

Photos check out. 1st place to the Police Cadets, 2nd to the Surfer Dudes! [both teams cheer; inspects the photos; to Geoff] Geoff, one question: How do you keep your hat on while plunging over the world's highest falls?

Geoff

[interview] White Stallion Glue. Will hold, mold, and won't cost you gold.

Josee

[reading the tip] "Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump."

Jacques

Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?

Don

It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip.

Devin

[gets the tip] Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.

Carrie

Oh, you weren’t that bad.

Carrie

And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. [Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans] Yeah, this is gonna be great.

Geoff

Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!

Brody

And we are dudes!

Geoff

We can't lose! It's an us ranch! [high-fives with Brody]

Stephanie

Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.

Ryan

Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.

Stephanie

[interview] I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.

Ryan

Yeah, you don't complain at all.

Geoff

[getting the tip] It's an All-In. "Tip Your Hat, Split Your Jeans, and Eat Like a Cowboy by All Means."

Don

Working together, teammates must eat an entire pot of pork and beans. At the bottom of the pot, they'll find their next travel tip.

Geoff

Whoa!

Brody

My fave food to nosh on is totally pork and beans, dude!

Geoff

I can scarf most things. Brody's got an iron stomach with the taste buds of a dude that doesn't have any taste buds. We're golden.

Stephanie

See? Dude advantage. But we're in 2nd, so all's not lost.

Ryan

Only our love for each other. [he and Stephanie high five]

Stephanie

Exactly. [looking down into the pot; horrified] Beans? Beans?! BEANS?! I'm not usually a picky eater, but beans are the grossest food on the planet and should never be consumed by human beings, ever. That's it.

Ryan

[clears throat] Chicken.

Stephanie

What was that?

Geoff

[reading the tip] It's a Random Botch. "Whoever isn't holding the tip, has to ride the mechanical bull."

Brody

There's a mechanical bull?!

Don

The Bull Buster 3000, the most dangerous mechanical bull in the world.

Owen

[feeding Noah pork and beans] Here's the Choo-choo train! [continues eating]

[looking at Noah still looking depressed while eating] Maybe it's just a coincidence he, you know, went into a state of shock and despair, the moment I broke up with him. [to her sister] Can you just agree with me at least?

Don

While the rest of out teams choke down pork and beans, our current leaders are trying not to choke!

Geoff

Brod man’s not doing so good. But no one else is even trying the Bull yet, but we’re still golden. [gets pushed by Brody]

Ryan

Come on, babe. You can do this. You're stronger and scarier than anyone I know. Take a deep breath. [Stephanie breathes heavily] That's it. Just… [Stepahnie drops the spoon and starts gagging; sighs] You know what? Maybe you can't do it. Maybe you're not as strong as I thought. You're not a winner at all. But a… LOSER!

Stephanie

[gasps in shock over hearing that, picks up the spoon, and scarfs some beans] I… am not… a loser!

Ryan

As a certified trainer, I know how to motivate people who lack confidence.

[pressing her hands on her stomach, trying to hold in her vomit] I'm confident. These beans aren't gonna stay down, ugh, much longer. [vomits]

Owen

[hears his stomach rumbling] Uh oh! Beaks are shifting! Haha… [forms a big fart as a window crashes]

MacArthur

[interview; impressed as Sanders wears a gas mask] Man, can that guy airbrush his boxers?

Geoff

Cool, we're flying to the Arctic Circle!

Brody

Awesome! Circles are my favorite shape, dude!

Don

The Arctic Circle, home to the world's harshest climate, whitest animals, and favorite storybook characters. Teams must fly here by Cessna, two teams per flight, to get their next tip. And they'll be chilled to the bone to find out there's another boomerang in play. Find this attached to your tip, and you can make another team repeat the first challenge. Just our way of adding some, "Oh, that's cold." to the cold.

Brody

Oh, it's a Botch-or-Watch! I rode the bull in Alberta, so this one is you!

Geoff

[reading] "Find a ring somewhere hidden in the snow and toss one onto a narwhal." Ah, narwhal, ha.

Brody

So what's a narwhal?

Stephanie

Did I boomerang my own team? Yes. But it was Ryan's fault.

Ryan

[monotonously] Yes, Stephanie.

Stephanie

You had it coming!

Ryan

Yes, Stephanie.

Stephanie

Mr. I'm-King-of-the-Ring-Toss.

Ryan

Yes, Stephanie. [Stephanie screams in irritation and storms out of the interview room] I finally figured out how to one-up Stephanie… just agree with everything.

Brody

We're flying to…Flores, Indonesia.

Geoff

[shudders] I hope it's warm there.

Don

Oh, it is. Flores, Indonesia is packed with beautiful empty beaches, majestic mountain ranges, and ominously silent jungles. Teams must fly to Flores, then take taxis to the Don box in this village. How do the locals keep tourists away from this island paradise? Nobody knows. But, it might have something to do with the Komodo dragon problem.

Geoff

It's an All-In. "How to Milk Your Dragon." Whoa. We have to do what?

Don

That's right. Just when you thought these beasts were harmless, it turns out their saliva is loaded with venom. Teams must collect one vial of Komodo drool, and hand it to this kid to get their next tip. [screams as a Komodo dragon pops up next to him] That said, try not to get bitten. In case you do, side effects may include: headache, dizziness, and being eaten by a Komodo dragon.

Brody

Let's do that again!

Geoff

Dude.

Brody

Duuude!

Geoff

Duuuuuude.

Brody

[Beat, sighs] Good point…