Josee quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Jacques

[opens the door] You need to fly this thing faster!

You’re not allowed in here!

Josee

Uh, do you know who we are?

Aren’t you those figure skaters who lost the gold at the Olympics?

Jacques

JUST FLY FASTER!

Junior

[humming a tune while laying back as another raft bumps in from behind, thinking it's his dad] I knew you were going to catch up-- [realizes it's the Daters/Haters instead] Oh. Uh, hey.

Ryan

What's up, kid? Where's your dad?

Junior

We got separated. And the family rule is, if you get separated, go to your destination. Uh, do you mind if I tag along?

Ryan

Oh-ho-ho. You don't wanna get in this boat. Stephanie might hit you with an oar and shove you off a cliff!

Stephanie

Are you still talking about that? "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!" Get over it.

Junior

How did you guys manage to get a selfie? [Stephanie tosses him their camera] Wow. That's impressive.

Stephanie

Ha! You hear that? Impressive!

Ryan

He doesn't know any better. He's just a child.

Junior

Actually, I've got a chest hair, so…

Stephanie

So he's already more of a man than you, Ryan.

Don

While most of the other teams have already started the rhino challenge, our last place Ice Dancers have finally landed in Africa.

Josee

Out of our way, sky waitress! We're in a race!

Stephanie

Well, I only boss you around because you have no leadership skills, guts, or common sense.

Junior

So, uh, thanks for the lift.

Ryan

Please, I saved us from elimination way more often than you have.

Junior

Uh, but I should go…

Stephanie

Are you insane?!

Ryan

I must be. I was dating you!

Junior

Maybe find my dad…

Stephanie

Why do you have to remind me? I'd already blocked that out!

Junior

Anyway, you're not listening, so… [runs off alone leaving the Haters to continue their argument] Good luck… With everything. I don't like to judge, but those two probably shouldn't have kids.

[run and scream in terror]

Jacques

I love rhinos! I love rhinos!

Dwayne

Junior! Oh, Buddy am I happy to see you. I’m sorry we didn’t finish the challenge, pal, but I- I couldn’t take pictures. I just have to find you!

Junior

Who said we didn’t finish?

Don

10th place.

Rhinos are my friend!

Dwayne

So proud of you. Now, we just need to make sure your mom never sees this episode, ever.

Junior

Alright, dad. That’s enough.

Josee

[pants] And stay down.

Don

Jacques and Josee!

Jacques

We know.

Josee

11th, last, eliminated!

Josee

The purple was too friendly. The black screams, "Get out of our way!"

Jacques

And wash us with similar colors.

Don

Attention, teams. This is a boomerang. Find one attached to your travel tip and you can use it at the next Don box to send another team back to repeat the last challenge.

Josee

I want one!

Rock

Let’s save this farm, Whoohoo!

Sanders

Ah, yeah.

Noah

Aw!

Brody

Here, albino, bino, bino! Don’t worry, bud, well get those rabbits.

Jacques

Lapin! [gets attacked] Aaah! A little help?

Josee

Not now, I’m busy clearing. [MacArthur stares at her] They boomeranged us.

Jacques

We boomeranged them.

Josee

I want revenge!

Josee

[reading the tip] "Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump."

Jacques

Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?

Don

It's actually a little of both. It's located here, along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley, but the name was already taken. Teams must fly to Lethbridge, Alberta, then drive to this spot to receive their next travel tip.

Devin

[gets the tip] Yes! Let's do this! I had a few um… minor outbursts in New Zealand.

Carrie

Oh, you weren’t that bad.

Carrie

And hello to stage three of breaking up, desperation. [Devin falls from a tree, Devin groans] Yeah, this is gonna be great.

Geoff

Dude! We're going to a dude ranch!

Brody

And we are dudes!

Geoff

We can't lose! It's an us ranch! [high-fives with Brody]

Stephanie

Dudes at a dude ranch, that's fair.

Ryan

Maybe the next Challange, will be for something you're good at, like complaining.

Stephanie

[interview] I am not a complainer! How dare you call me that?! You never listen, and your short is so ugly it hirts my eyes.

Ryan

Yeah, you don't complain at all.

Ennui

That's it, drool.

Crimson

[interview] Loki doesn't know fear. [the dragon smells her and Ennui's deodorant, and runs away] Yes. Smell your defeat.

Josee

That is one B-A-D (bad) bunny.

Jacques

Well, that plan backfired. And much faster this time.

Don

The Goths take 1st place!

Josee

What?! Silver again?! This race is fixed! [screaming angrily while swaying their loom rug back and forth, hitting Jacques by accident; interview] I can't believe those pasty-faced freaks took gold! Oh, I bet they're just LOVING it!

Crimson

[interview] We won.

Jacques

Oh, Josee! Are you losing it?! They're goths, not vampires.

Josee

Are they, Jacques? Are they?!

Jacques

I have no problem being the assistant here. When we skate, I'm always the magician.

Josee

Eh, say what?

Jacques

I lift you, carry you, twirl you around, ha. All you need to do is smile and not fall down.

Josee

Wow. I hope I do this trick right. I'd hate to watch you get EATEN BY A LION! [gets up in Jacques' face, angrily]

Josee

I can't believe the goths came in first again! I knew I should've used this!

Jacques

They're not vampires! Agh! At least we didn't finish last, and I got to keep the outfit. [chuckles]

Carrie

Did we make it?

Don

Yes.

Carrie

Alright!

Don

In last place.

Devin

Oh. Carrie, I am so sorry. It's totally my fault, and I realized something.

Don

Did you realize this is a non-elimination round?

Don

Um, you seem to be shy one loud, aggressive partner.

Jacques

Ah! There's only one cop. They don't win!

Don

Not yet. But unless one of you coughs up two burros, I'll have to give you a 10-minute penalty.

NO!

Sanders

[victoriously] Yes! [calling out to her partner as the Ice Dancers are penalized for ten minutes] Hurry, MacArthur! You've got 10!

MacArthur

Okay, donkey. WAKE UP!

Sanders

From now on, we stay in the winners circle by any means necessary.

MacArthur

Does this mean I get-

Sanders

No, you cannot taser anyone.

MacArthur

Aw. [Ice Dancers’ interview]

Josee

Second place. Again!

Jacques

But at least I got another team eliminated.

Josee

That's true. We did. It's like we won a gold medal in treachery!

Sanders

[reading the tip] "Travel to Cần Thơ, Vietnam."

Don

Cần Thơ is not only a great name for a movie villain, it's also the largest city in Vietnam's thriving Mekong Delta. Teams will find their next tip here, along the Mekong River, where the fish are plentiful, ugh, and pungent. Get that thing away from me! [more characters getting travel tips]

Devin

Uhh! It says- here! You read, I’ll get us a cab! Taxi!

Carrie

Uh, wrong way!

[over PA] Welcome, uhh, aboard, everyone, huh. We're going to be, um... closing the... uh... cabin doors, any uhh... second now. For the taking off.

Josee

[irately impatient] JUST CLOSE THE DOORS ALREADY!!! [plane cabin doors slam close; sighs in relief]

Woo-hoo!

Carrie

That was too close!

Don

All the teams are off! Some happier than others.

Josee

Now we're all on the same flight, and it's all because of that pilot!

Jacques

Why? Because he, uhh, spoke, uhh- [Josee punches him in the shoulder, getting him to stop talking] Ow!