Christopher Moltisanti quotes from The Sopranos

Paulie Walnuts

Always playin' that blood relation card! Tony's little favorite!

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck you!!!

Paulie Walnuts

I'll tell ya, after a meal like that, what I can use is a nice piece of ass. Who knows, maybe I'll call down, have them send one up to the room.

Christopher Moltisanti

Why don't you just fuck yourself, save a little money.

Paulie Walnuts

What's your problem?

Christopher Moltisanti

Stop tryin' to bait me, Paulie. You know what my fuckin' problem is.

Paulie Walnuts

No, why don't you tell me!

Christopher Moltisanti

You want me to tell you? Fine! Steaks! Three pound lobsters! The shrimp fuckin' cocktails you made everybody get, then on top of everything else, you send those skanks a bottle of Cristal?

Paulie Walnuts

I was bein' a gentlemen, Chrissy, you oughta try it sometime.

Christopher Moltisanti

Not to mention the lyonnaise fucking potatoes you didn't even touch.

Paulie Walnuts

What? I lost my appetite!

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck you!

Paulie Walnuts

Excuse me?

Christopher Moltisanti

You fuckin' heard me!

Paulie Walnuts

I'm tellin' you, Chrissy, I don't give a fuck anymore who you're related to!

Christopher Moltisanti

Go ahead, Paulie! Go for it! Your big fuckin' moment!

Paulie Walnuts

You little fuck!!

Paulie Walnuts

So we open the fuckin' trunk. This suffocatin' Russian cocksucka pops up. He's still alive! (They all laugh)

Christopher Moltisanti

We lead 'im through the snow. This asshole's shiverin', I mean he's wearin' fuckin' pajamas and slippers in like eight degree weather.

Adriana La Cerva

What, so you're just not gonna talk? I almost got killed, Christopher.

Christopher Moltisanti

I'm just curious. What the fuck were you doin' in the middle o' the night in the middle o' nowhere in a car with my uncle?

Adriana La Cerva

He was drivin' me home.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuckin' Dover?

Adriana La Cerva

We were talkin'. We...we...we were goin' ta get something ta eat. I get off o' work, I don't want ta go right home. You weren't even there.

Christopher Moltisanti

No, I was in a fuckin' Ride-A-Rent bustin' my ass with a bunch o' rednecks makin' a livin' ta buy you alcohol, and coke, and all the other shit you shovel into your mouth. Two o'clock in the fuckin' mornin'?! Don't fuckin' lie ta me, I can't stand it!

Adriana La Cerva

Nothin' was goin' on, Christopher.

Christopher Moltisanti

I should've made ya walk home.

Adriana La Cerva

I swear ta God.

Christopher Moltisanti

You know how this looks? Don't talk ta me, shut your mouth!

Adriana La Cerva

Hey, hun. I already ate. There's a casserole in- (Christopher chokes Adriana)

Christopher Moltisanti

(yelling) You fuckin' lyin' bitch!

Adriana La Cerva

Ow! Stop it! What're you doin'?

Christopher Moltisanti

You were suckin' his cock! Georgie told me everythin'. The surgeon on the operatin' table said you were moanin' Tony's name!

Adriana La Cerva

What are you talkin' about?

Christopher Moltisanti

You fucking lied ta me! What were you doin' in Dover then? See, see, you can't tell me...'cause I know what you were doin'! Your other dope dealer's there. Go ahead, deny it!

Adriana La Cerva

Okay, I was goin' out ta see Andre, but I wasn't suckin' anybody's cock! How could you say that?

Christopher Moltisanti

Oh, so you two were just gonna go toot up a bunch o' lines, go fuckin' birdwatchin'?

Adriana La Cerva

Oh, you son of a bitch. I was gonna stay up all night and clean this fucking shithole!

Christopher Moltisanti

Everybody knows about it. Everybody's talkin' about it!

Adriana La Cerva

No, please. (Christopher flips a table)

Christopher Moltisanti

You want me ta use you bitch! You're fuckin' killin' me!

Adriana La Cerva

No, I don't. I love you. (Christopher smacks Adriana hard and keeps slapping her on the ground) Stop it. You motherfucker.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuckin' whore.

Adriana La Cerva

Ow, my neck. (Christopher drags Adriana by the hair and throws her out of the house)

Christopher Moltisanti

Get the fuck outta here! I never wanna see you again! (Chris slams the door shut)

Paulie Walnuts

Why do pissin, shittin', and fuckin' all happen within' a two-inch radius?

Christopher Moltisanti

Everybody asks that, Paulie. There's no answer for it.

Vito Spatafore

They're all sources of pleasure though.

Paulie Walnuts

Get the fuck outta here!

J.T. Dolan

What is this, fuckin' "Pulp Fiction"? Am I supposed ta be afraid?

Little Paulie Germani

I don't know, I didn't see it.

J.T. Dolan

You're really bein' a prick, huh. I told you, I need more time.

Christopher Moltisanti

Then fuckin' get it.

J.T. Dolan

Chris, you know me. What could you possibly do ta me that I haven't already been through?

Christopher Moltisanti

I'm positive we'll think o' somethin'. (Chris punches J.T. in the face, hard, sending him to the ground)

J.T. Dolan

Ow! My God... (Little Paulie Germani keeps kicking J.T. on the ground and Chris breaks a glass framed portrait on J.T.'s head) Ow! Oh! Oh...auh...

Tony Blundetto

They used to call me Ichabod Crane.

Christopher Moltisanti

Who?

Tony Blundetto

Some very sorry people, that's who.

Tony Soprano

Was that fuckin' necessary? He shouldn't even've been here.

Johnny Sack

He's got a right to be here. He's got a right to a lot of things right now.

Tony Soprano

My cousin acted alone, I did not sanction this.

Johnny Sack

The 'lone gunman theory'...

Tony Soprano

You know how close he and Angelo were in the can. He flipped the fuck out!

Johnny Sack

When he whacked Joey Peeps, what flipped him out that time?

Tony Soprano

W-whaddaya want John, whaddaya want me to say?

Johnny Sack

I want your cousin on a fucking spit!

Tony Soprano

I don't know where he is.

Silvio Dante

Nobody does.

Johnny Sack

Fine. Maybe one of your other relatives then...

Christopher Moltisanti

What, I gotta stand here being threatened now?

Silvio Dante

Right, Chrissy-

Tony Soprano

Alright alright alright, nobody's making threats! Look, Tony's in hiding, John.

Johnny Sack

You either deliver that prick to my door, or I will rain a shitstorm down on you and your family like you have never fucking seen. We're done here.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck this piece of shit! I'm done!! You hear me? Put my life on the line, my fuckin' life.

Adriana La Cerva

Baby I hate seein' you like this!

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck family! Fuck loyalty. It costs 'em a dime, you're a fuckin' pariah! I gave that fuck pieces of my soul, Adriana. You know what he said to me? He said I should have a fuckin' drink!

Adriana La Cerva

When?

Christopher Moltisanti

Up there when we were up in Uncle Pat's farm!

Adriana La Cerva

Well you don't need to listen to him. Isn't that why you have a sponsor?

Christopher Moltisanti

Him and Tony B. Breakin' my balls! Teasin' me like when I was little. I mean, what kind of fucked up, underminin' shit is that to tell someone who's got the disease. You know I could take him out in a second that fat fuck! BANG! His kids wouldn't even give a shit!

Adriana La Cerva

Don't talk like that! You're a better man than he is - a better person.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck all this shit with Paulie and all, you know what hurts me worse, right to my heart. Him and our asswipe cousin, that two-faced cocksucker. He can get us all killed with New York, and him Tony has to think about what to do with him now, after all this shit. Me, he don't need to fuckin' think! Well, maybe I need to think! Ever thought of that, you fat fuckin' scumbag!!!

Benny Fazio

Fuckin' somethin', this situation, eh?

Silvio Dante

Right.

Christopher Moltisanti

I can't even get down ta Milt's, fence some jewelry.

Benny Fazio

Everybody with eyes in the back o' their head. Shit, I was Tony's driver.

Christopher Moltisanti

It's amazing. You want me ta be honest? The favoritism Tony still shows for our fuckin' cousin after what he's done? What does Tony B. have on this guy? And I'm supposed ta maybe take a bullet for this skeeve.

Silvio Dante

After all your uncle's done for you? I need ta get into specifics?

Silvio Dante

He was a good kid, Raymond.

Tony Soprano

The best.

Paulie Walnuts

At least he went fast. Not like Dick Barone, poor fuck.

Bobby Baccilieri

Dick Barone died?

Silvio Dante

Lou Gehrig's disease.

Christopher Moltisanti

You ever think what a coincidence it is that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease?

Carlo Gervasi

What do we do about Junior?

Christopher Moltisanti

He's in jail. That puts him out of our reach.

Vito Spatafore

Not necessarily.

Larry Boy Barese

He's a demented old fuck. I say we do nothin'. Let 'im rot, sever all ties. End this embarrassment right now.

Vito Spatafore

He "Marvin Gayed" his own nephew, the boss o' this family.

Paulie Walnuts

What happens ta Junior is Tony's call.

Bobby Baccilieri

That's right.

Vito Spatafore

Bobby, all due respect, where the fuck were you that night? Why was the skipper babysittin' Junior?

Bobby Baccilieri

I had other family obligations. Ask my wife. Tony volunteered.

Christopher Moltisanti

Oh. Ahmed. You guys here again? You oughta put up a tent on this fuckin' bar.

How's Tony? The girl said that he was hurt pretty bad...

Christopher Moltisanti

He's keepin' his dick up.

His uncle did this to him? I was saying to Muhammad, why the hell-

Christopher Moltisanti

Not somethin' we talk about.

Christopher Moltisanti

I will.

Christopher Moltisanti

Vito already pulls down more scratch than anybody, from the unions.

Paulie Walnuts

Let 'im go ta the hospital first. That fat fuckin' kiss-ass. I'm buyin' Tony a nice little stereo fer the room.

Christopher Moltisanti

He don't need that.