Christopher Moltisanti quotes from The Sopranos

[over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast; the guy you're looking for is an ex-commando. He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!

Get the fuck outta here...

Yeah, nice huh? He was with the Interior Ministry, guy's some kinda Russian Green Beret. This guy cannot come back to tell this story, you understand?!

I hear ya.

[connection breaking up] I'm serious, Paulie!

Tone? Tone, you there?

Ah, d- FUCK! CALL ME BACK!

[Paulie hangs up and turns to Christopher]

You’re not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator!

Christopher Moltisanti

...His house looked like shit!

View quote →

I can't believe it. I fuckin' loved that car.

Bobby Baccilieri

Probably kids or somethin'.

Christopher Moltisanti

What if it was the guy?

You got the money.

It was in the car.

It's all I asked you ta do Paulie.

Sorry T, it couldn't be helped. Guy fuckin' lunged at us. [Chris nods yes] Listen Tone, I know I fucked up, but-

It's okay, really. Just forget it.

Bobby Baccilieri

What do ya think? Wanna look fer this guy or what?

You tell me. Is it worth it?

I hit 'im in the head Tone. I saw it with my own eyes.

Is it possible this fuck made it outta here alive?

Bobby Baccilieri

It's hard to say. Flesh wound maybe. Head shot, I dunno. On the other hand, anything's possible.

[to Paulie] You're a captain. What do you wanna do?

Fuck it. Lets go home.

Alright. But lets be clear on this right now. This cocksucka crawls out from under a rock, he's your problem, not mine. You deal with Slava, you take the heat. You pay the price. Capice?

Fine.

View quote →

[Christopher is urinating by the van]

Ohhhh! Do that by yer own window, I don't wanna smell yer piss!

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck you.

What'd you say?

Christopher Moltisanti

You heard me.

Don’t make me pull rank on you kid.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck you, Paulie. Captain or no Captain, right now we're just two assholes lost in the woods.

Do yerself a favor, Chrissy and go back to fuckin' sleep.

Christopher Moltisanti

Why? So you can choke me?

What?

Christopher Moltisanti

Think I'm stupid? [Paulie opens the van door] I heard ya on the phone tryin' to blame this on me.

Fuck you talkin' about?

Christopher Moltisanti

You fucked up with the Russian prick, now you're worried about Tony. You wait till I'm asleep then you'll choke me so he'll just have your version.

Choke ya right now, you fuck!

[Paulie lunges at Christopher, who pulls his gun out]

Christopher Moltisanti

I'll leave you here, you one-shoe cocksucker!

Put it down Chrissy.

Christopher Moltisanti

You know how fast I can run, I'll leave you in the fuckin' dust!

All the shit we’ve been through, you think I’ll really kill you?

Christopher Moltisanti

Yeah, I do.

[After a tense moment, Christopher laughs and backs off]

Promise me you won't leave me here.

Christopher Moltisanti

I'm not gonna leave ya.

View quote →

Christopher Moltisanti

So I was thinkin' right...what we do is start our own group. I'll be the singer and you two can back me up.

DDanielle

Yeah right...ha ha ha...

Puh-lease!!

Christopher Moltisanti

What?!! It's so hard to rap? Mah bitch. Mah Ho. Mah Ho. Mah bitch. Mah bitch bitch. What? A joke? You don't wanna back me up?

View quote →

Christopher Moltisanti

And don't think I forgot about you goin' through my fuckin' fiance's underwear drawer.

Patsy Parisi

That wasn't me you fucking jerk!

View quote →

Twenty years I've been friends with John. Now he's gotta go.

Christopher Moltisanti

All over a stupid joke.

Ralph Cifaretto

I was fuckin' around. Fer chrissakes, you never made a joke about Ginny Sack?

Silvio Dante

Not like that.

Of course not!

Ralph Cifaretto

Yeah, well fuck him and his high-fillutin' bullshit. Who does he think he is? Sir Walter Raleigh?

View quote →

Let's be honest. What's our future here, Christopher? You...you could end up in jail or something horrible could happen.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuckin' negative shit. Stop with that.

Somebody could have it in for you. You wouldn't know.

Christopher Moltisanti

Who?!

I don't know.

Christopher Moltisanti

What the fuck kind of shit is this? Who told you that?

Nobody.

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuckin' negative shit coming out of your mouth! I had that fuckin' bird watching me when I got made. I'm already under a what-do-you-call-it, possibly. So stop with that.

I worry about you, that's all. I love you so much.

Christopher Moltisanti

So if you love me, stir my eggs okay?

View quote →

So, over the next couple of years, more and more, I'm gonna be givin' my orders through you and then finally...only through you.

Christopher Moltisanti

But what about Sil, you got that with him...and Paulie.

Those other guys, Sil...Paulie, there's one thing they're not...they're not my blood. You hear what I'm sayin' to you. It's a matter of trust.

Christopher Moltisanti

It's very wise

View quote →

Silvio Dante

Oh! It's Papillon. (To Paulie)

Oh, hello Sil! How are ya?

Christopher Moltisanti

I heard you were gettin' laid up there all the time.

Come here, you little prick. Hello, Chrissy. (Paulie hugs Chris)

View quote →

What if we didn't have kids?

Christopher Moltisanti

Fuck that. What's the point of bein' married?

I mean, what if we can't? If I can't...would you still love me?

Christopher Moltisanti

'Course I'd still love ya...why?

There's something you should know. A long time ago, years ago, I had a medical procedure. It was before we met. My uterus got pierced.

Christopher Moltisanti

Both of 'em?

There's only one. That's ovaries.

Christopher Moltisanti

So, what does that mean, you can't get pregnant?

Well, my doctor said it might be hard. A friend of mine gave me the name of a specialist in Manhattan.

Christopher Moltisanti

You knew you were damaged goods and you never fuckin' told me!?

How could you call me that?

Christopher Moltisanti

Jesus fuckin' Christ, how could ya lie to me like that!

I tried to tell you once. I wanted to. I was afraid that you wouldn't propose.

Christopher Moltisanti

You don't get it, Adriana, I don't have a son, the Moltisanti name ends, that's it!

We could adopt.

Christopher Moltisanti

Yeah, that's great! Some kid with chinky eyes called Moltisanti! He'd get his ass kicked every day!

You said you'd still love me.

Christopher Moltisanti

That doesn't mean I'll fuckin' marry you!

View quote →

Christopher Moltisanti

(shocked at Ralph's wig) Ahhh! Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you?

'Course I did. You're so high on scag, you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

View quote →

Christopher Moltisanti

(about Ralph) That poor fuckin' guy...

Fuck him and his alligator tears.

Paulie, his kid's in the hospital. A little fuckin' sympathy, huh?

That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the ICU with arrows in their heads...he's a piece o' shit. You know it, and I know it.

View quote →

Christopher Moltisanti

I'm sorry T-

Shut the fuck up and listen ta me. You're my nephew Christopher and I love you, and that's the only reason you're alive right now. If it were anybody else, anybody, they woulda had their fuckin' intervention right through the back o' their head.