Vito Spatafore quotes from The Sopranos

Alright, obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this.

Vito Spatafore

I'm upset. But please, I know how to keep my mouth shut.

Oh unless of course there's a salami sandwich around.

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Vito Spatafore

He's gonna be a vegetable, Tony! A fuckin' retard!

No, he's gonna be fine.

Well, look at the bright side. He wasn't that smart to begin with!

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You know what that crazy bitch was into?

What?

Vito Spatafore

What?

She wanted to stick a dildo up my ass, make believe she was pimpin' me out. I told her get the fuck outta here.

Hehehe... (laughing)

Vito Spatafore

The fuck?! (laughing)

Whole family's nuts.

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Vito Spatafore

What can I get you Paulie?

After four months inside? How 'bout laid?

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Hadda be Paulie told Johnny...

You think so?

He hates my success...thinkin' about that birthday dinner...who was there when I told the Ginny Sack joke?

Vito Spatafore

Not Paulie. I remember Albert sayin' he didn't get a gift.

It was little Paulie, the witless fuckin' nephew. He told Paulie, Paulie tells Johnny. Fuckin' telephone game like high-school girls! Wanna play phone games? That party was the only time I ever mentioned Shamu's fat ass.

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Why do pissin, shittin', and fuckin' all happen within' a two-inch radius?

Christopher Moltisanti

Everybody asks that, Paulie. There's no answer for it.

Vito Spatafore

They're all sources of pleasure though.

Get the fuck outta here!

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Vito Spatafore

(After Finn has seen Vito performing oral sex on a male security guard in the morning) Badan. Sound like a racehorse pissin' in there.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Vito Spatafore

You know, I never asked you what your last name is.

It's DeTrolio.

Vito Spatafore

Finn DeTrolio, my arch nemesis. Enjoyin' yourself here?

It's alright.

Vito Spatafore

I keep tellin' you, you shouldn't work so hard. Long hours. This fuckin' heat. Plus you came in so early today.

I just do what the job is.

Vito Spatafore

Good. You're strong. That helps. You know you can call me Vito.

Yeah...I..I know.

Vito Spatafore

So say it. Lemme hear you say, "what's up, Vito?"

What's up, Vito?

Vito Spatafore

Not much, Finn. 'Cept I got a little surprise for ya. Two tickets to see your Padres take a beatin' from the Yanks tonight.

Whoah...shit...

Vito Spatafore

Third base line, plus it's bat night.

That's really nice, Vito, but I..I don't know if I can-

Vito Spatafore

Don't pull that aw-shucks shit with me! You're fuckin' goin'! I'll see you under the bat tonight, seven sharp. And I don't like to miss the National Anthem.

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(next to Benny Fazio's battered body in the hospital) This is fucked up.

Vito Spatafore

What do ya wanna do about it?

What do I wanna do about it? I want that man there ta do somethin' about it. (referring to Tony) I want 'im ta give us the okay ta drive over ta Brooklyn, clean some fuckin' timepieces over there.

Vito Spatafore

Tony Blundetto whacked the brother of a captain. Tony tried ta strike at them again, we should take him out.

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Carlo Gervasi

What do we do about Junior?

Christopher Moltisanti

He's in jail. That puts him out of our reach.

Vito Spatafore

Not necessarily.

Larry Boy Barese

He's a demented old fuck. I say we do nothin'. Let 'im rot, sever all ties. End this embarrassment right now.

Vito Spatafore

He "Marvin Gayed" his own nephew, the boss o' this family.

What happens ta Junior is Tony's call.

Bobby Baccilieri

That's right.

Vito Spatafore

Bobby, all due respect, where the fuck were you that night? Why was the skipper babysittin' Junior?

Bobby Baccilieri

I had other family obligations. Ask my wife. Tony volunteered.

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Vito Spatafore

(about Eugene Pontecorvo committing suicide) I knew 'im better than anybody, but still...maybe he was a homo, felt there was no one he could talk to about it. That happens too.

Hesh Rabkin

Good thing Tony never heard about him killing himself, at least. Got enough on his plate.

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How's the skip doin'?

Vito Spatafore

Same. You forget somethin'? Like my cut?

You believe this guy? You should've lost some weight in that nose, keep it outta everybody's business. I'm workin' on it.

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Vito Spatafore

(Vito and Paulie argue in the bathroom while Silvio is on the toilet) I was just sayin', I'm gonna get T's piece of my half to Sil for her. Of the thing.

Back up there, Bluto. Your half? I did all the heavy liftin'.

Vito Spatafore

You would never heard about it without my information.

Big help. It was fuckin' mayham. You said the place was empty. Doc says I need an ultrasound on my groin and balls.

Vito Spatafore

Sil, you wanna weigh in here?

Silvio Dante

It breaks half and half. You both kick Tony's to me to deal with.

I'll have it for you Sil, the whole eighty K.

Vito Spatafore

Ho, ho, ho. Eighty K? How's that twenty percent of a million?

Have a cookie, you're delirious. It was seven fifty, tops.

Vito Spatafore

Fuck it all, Paulie. Tommy cased that shithole.

Silvio Dante

What's with the fuckin' accountin' out there? That's a hundred grand a piece. You got it? We're lookin' after Carmela.

No question.

Vito Spatafore

Of course. Sooner than later Paulie.

I gotta piss first, you want half o' that too?

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Vito Spatafore

Fuck took you so long?

I had ta get it together, didn't I? We gotta get that cut ta her now.

Vito Spatafore

Easy. That's a fuckin' guilty move.

Tony's conscious. You capisce? Everybody and his mother was in there talking ta 'im when he was in that coma. Carmela. Who knows what the fuck they said? Maybe he's expectin' that money.

Vito Spatafore

Jesus Christ.

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Marie Spatafore: (she receives a call and the caller i.d. is "Thad McCone") Hello?

Vito Spatafore

(on phone) Hey, it's me.

MSMarie Spatafore

Where are you? Who's Thad McCone?

Vito Spatafore

Some guy.

MSMarie Spatafore

Oh, my God! Vito...

Vito Spatafore

Not that. I'm just borrowin' his phone. Listen, Marie, I'm sorry all this had ta happen. I never meant ta hurt you.

MSMarie Spatafore

Come back, Vito. Just come back.

Vito Spatafore

It's a little more complicated than that.

MSMarie Spatafore

Please, Phil said it'll be all right. We could get you help. We could get you psychiatric help.

Vito Spatafore

Phil? I trust him least of all.

MSMarie Spatafore

How can you say that? He's family. He loves you.

Vito Spatafore

Not anymore. Believe me.

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Vito Spatafore

(standing) Tony...hey.

(sitting) What the fuck?!

Vito Spatafore

My brother's over there!

What's that supposed ta mean?

Vito Spatafore

Nuthin. He's just there, that's all.

You sandbag me, I cut your fuckin' throat open.

Vito Spatafore

I'm sorry. I didn't know what else ta do. I want back in. Can I sit?

No you can't sit!

Vito Spatafore

It was complicated, I was workin' things out.

I'm sure it gets complicated, when you're taking it up your fag ass.

Vito Spatafore

I'm not a fag, I never was.

'Scuse me?

Vito Spatafore

It was the medication I was on. For my blood pressure. It fucked with my head, but I'm over that now. I could probably get a letter from my doctor.

A note from your doctor sayin' you don't like to suck cock?

Vito Spatafore

First off. I pay my way back in. I got two hundred K that goes directly to you, personally. No one else needs to know. Long term...I know construction's out. Those guys...but Meth, running girls, a lot more tolerant atmosphere. I got contacts in A.C. With your support, I could set myself up there. I'd be close, but not too close. Ton'. Please, don't turn your back on me. (Tony leaves)