Anthony Junior quotes from The Sopranos

Boot your computer, the cops are coming.

AJAnthony Junior

So?

You want them to see all that porno you downloaded?

AJAnthony Junior

Shit.

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AJAnthony Junior

Hey grandma how come yous not supposed to breathe in a cemetery?

Livia Soprano

Who says?

JUncle Junior

It's a joke for chrissakes...say why.

AJAnthony Junior

'Cuz you'll make the dead people jealous.

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I could've taken ecstasy but I didn't.

AJAnthony Junior

Don't puke on the floor.

What're you doin' up! Go ta bed.

AJAnthony Junior

She fools around with ecstasy and you yell at me?

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Livia Soprano

I know your father forbids your comin' down here.

AJAnthony Junior

He doesn't. Honest. He just doesn't want us ta talk about you in the house.

Livia Soprano

Well, you can go shit in his hat.

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You stole my car! Where's the trust in this house?

AJAnthony Junior

When I get confirmed I'm gonna become a man. So how come I can't drive?

Oh yeah? Who was that MAN that we had to pick up from camp last year for bed wetting?

AJAnthony Junior

It was the year before last.

You could have killed those girls.

AJAnthony Junior

That would have been interesting.

What? What did you say?

AJAnthony Junior

Death just shows you the ultimate absurdity of life.

What is this?? Are you trying to get me to lose my temper because I'm about to put you through that goddamn window!!

AJAnthony Junior

See? That's what I mean. Life is absurd.

Don't say that! God forgive you!

AJAnthony Junior

There is no God.

Ey!!

Ey!!

Where is this coming from?

Do they teach you this crap in school??

Is this that new English teacher Mr. Clark...emm... Where is he from? Answer me!

Overland.

You want him to read anything other than Hustler? Hello. He got assigned ˝The Stranger˝ You want him to be an educated person? What do you think education is? You just make more money? This IS education.

AJAnthony Junior

Do you ever think like: Why were we born?

Madame de Stael said: In life one must choose between boredom and suffering.

Go to your room! (Meadow leaves)

AJAnthony Junior

No, I'm serious. Why were we born?

We were born because of Adam and Eve, that's why. Now go upstairs and do your math.

AJAnthony Junior

Algebra?? That's the most boring.

Well, your other choice is sufferin'. You wanna start now?!?

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What are you doin' here?

Answer your father.

AJAnthony Junior

I got sent home.

Why?

[...]

Why?

AJAnthony Junior

I got in trouble.

Your son broke into his school Friday night and vandalized the swimming pool.

How do you vandalize a swimming pool?

They threw a bunch of stuff in it, they broke things.

Why'd you do that for?

AJAnthony Junior

Screwin' around...

[smacking AJ on the head] On your mother's birthday?!

AJAnthony Junior

It wasn't. It was after midnight.

What are you, fuckin' stupid? Huh? So what now, you're suspended?

AJAnthony Junior

I dunno...

Tony, do you know how serious this is? He may be expelled.

What'd they say?

AJAnthony Junior

Nothing. They just sent me home. They said to bring you guys into the principal's office.

On your mother's birthday...

AJAnthony Junior

They're gonna call you.

Just when everything was going good, huh? You're gonna miss the big game. You're screwing everything up, your football career down the drain!

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"Permanent expulsion". I prayed I would never see this.

Even I managed to get through school without getting expelled. You know, maybe it's a... blessing.

Well, I don't see how that could be.

The place was too loose, it was too easy.

AJAnthony Junior

How could you say that? I got expelled.

YOU GOT NOTHING TO SAY 'TIL I TELL YOU! UNLESS I ASK YOU A DIRECT QUESTION!

Tony...!

I work hard all day to pay for this six thousand-square foot house, big-screen TVs, food on the table, video games, all kinds of scooters and bicycles, Columbia University, AND FOR WHAT?! TO COME HOME TO THIS?!

AJAnthony Junior

Sucks to be you...

[Tony slaps AJ. Carmela is shocked and horrified]

My God, Tony!

[AJ runs off]

There's more where that came from, we're starting a new regime around here!

The school guidance counselor said this might be a cry for help!

Aw c'mon, will ya?!

She recommended a school in New Brunswick, Burnwood Day; it's for troubled kids, it has a psychologist right on staff.

No. No more fuckin' schools that coddle him, he's going to military school.

What?!

That's right, I got some brochures.

You got school brochures?

Yeah, from Janice; she was gonna send Harper there but she didn't have the money and it was too fuckin' late!

I'm not sending him away

We're looking at those brochures!

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There is no reason you shouldn't be able to pass Social Studies.

You passin' Social Studies?

AJAnthony Junior

You just revealed your own ignorance...it's only been five days, we didn't get grades yet.

I what? I reveal my own what? (Tony smacks AJ in the back of the head)

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He was a victim of his time.

AJAnthony Junior

Who cares? It's what he did.

He discovered America is what he did. He was a brave Italian explorer. And in this house, Christopher Columbus is a hero. End of story.

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You know how much little Bobby likes you.

AJAnthony Junior

What am I, daycare?

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TGTom Giglione

So coming down I heard on the radio, looks like the Jets are gonna grab that kid from Tulsa, that tight end.

BGBarbara Giglione

We still get those season tickets, big brother?

JUncle Junior

All I know is he never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

AW, SON OF A BITCH!

BGBarbara Giglione

What?

DID I JUST TELL YOU NOT TO SAY THAT AGAIN?!

BGBarbara Giglione

Say what?!

JUncle Junior

You don't like the way I talk, get outta my house!

BGBarbara Giglione

Ugh, here we go...

Janice Soprano

Tony...

No, "Tony" shit! [to AJ] Get your coat, we're leaving.

AJAnthony Junior

I don't have a coat.

Well then get moving, Goddamn it!

BGBarbara Giglione

Will someone please tell me what's going on?

It's my last Sunday dinner here, that's what's going on.

[Tony and AJ leave, slamming the door behind them]

Janice Soprano

Uncle Jun, was that really necessary?

JUncle Junior

He's a goddamn hothouse flower, that's his problem.

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AJAnthony Junior

Well maybe I don't wanna live in a place where people use violence against children.

Violence? You're lucky I didn't put my shoe up your ass.

AJAnthony Junior

You see? Now that's abuse. I know what my rights are. I can call social services and they'll send a case worker.

Go ahead. He'll get the other shoe!

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Did somebody tell you something?

I know all about it. You can save the cloak and dagger.

MDMary DeAngelis

AJ?!

AJAnthony Junior

Huh? What?!

Junior Soprano told me all about it.

That miserable fuckin' man.

MDMary DeAngelis

Ohhh...

You don't know the half!

Relax! I'm fine with knowin'. In my age, it's surprise enough to be able to get out of bed every mornin'.

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(yelling) I swear ta God, I'm gonna fucking kill you!

AJAnthony Junior

What the fuck?!

You made a fool of yourself and our family on national fucking television!?

AJAnthony Junior

Look, I didn't even say that shit. Aight, they totally misquoted me.

Holy shit...

Well, of course they did! That's what they do! Which is why I and everybody else told you, "Don't talk to the press!"

AJAnthony Junior

Yeah well you're the one who looked like a total asshole. Draggin' me around like I was five years old.

You are a cross to bear. That's all you are. To your father, to me, to everybody.

AJAnthony Junior

Fuck this! Alright! Fuck it all! (Anthony Junior leaves)

Jesus, Mel, the hell's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? (Carmela leaves)

Mom. It had to happen. She's fried.

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AJAnthony Junior

My stomach hurts.

(furious) You stupid fuckin' moron. You realize what could've happened ta you...if we didn't have connections? Some cop goes by the book and they charge you with attempted murder! Your hear me?! Attempted murder! Then what? Then what?

AJAnthony Junior

So he shot you! You just gonna let him fuckin' get away with it?!

I told you that's my business, not yours! And what did you do? Nothin'! Zero! A big fuckin' jerkoff!

AJAnthony Junior

Fuck you!

I oughta break your fuckin' neck! Stop cryin'. Stop cryin'! I guess your heart was in the right place, A.J. But it's wrong. Come on.

AJAnthony Junior

What?

It's not in yout nature.

AJAnthony Junior

No...you don't know me. Aight, you don't know anything about me!

You're a nice guy and that's a good thing for Chrissakes!

AJAnthony Junior

Bullshit!

I mean it. You're a good guy. I'm very grateful.

AJAnthony Junior

Well, you're a fuckin' hypocrite, aight, 'cause every time we watch "Godfather," when Michael Corleone shoots those guys at the restaurant, those assholes who tried ta kill his dad, you sit there with your fucking bowl o' ice cream and you say it's your favorite scene of all time!

Jesus Christ, A.J. I mean, you make me wanna cry. It's a movie. Ya gotta grow up. You're not a kid anymore. You hear me, you...you...you gotta grow up. (A.J. throws up) Get in the car. First of all, your mother does not find out about this.