Bobby Baccilieri quotes from The Sopranos

Bobby Baccilieri

One time we went huntin'. Saw a sign said 'Bear Left.' (pause) So we went home.

Tony Soprano

I think it's time for you to start to seriously consider salads.

Bobby Baccilieri

What do you mean?

Tony Soprano

What do I mean? I mean get off my car before you flip it over, you fat fuck.

Tony Soprano

Now Bobby you're gonna hear some high end shit. And A, I hope you can understand it, and B, I hope you keep it between this room and Junior. Because if you don't, I promise you, they're gonna find pieces of you in eight different dumpsters.

Bobby Baccilieri

I inherited Junior. I don't think you got reason to talk to me this way. I always liked you.

Tony Soprano

Bullshit. But we'll assume you do now.

Bobby Baccilieri

To the victor, belongs the spoils.

Tony Soprano

Why don't you get the fuck outta here before I shove your quotations book up your fat fuckin' ass.

Bobby Baccilieri

What?

Christopher Moltisanti

Ho fuckin' ho!

Tony Soprano

You're right.

Bobby Baccilieri

What are you talkin' about?

Paulie Walnuts

You wanna play Santa Claus at the party this year?

Bobby Baccilieri

Nah, I can't do that.

Silvio Dante

Why not?

Bobby Baccilieri

...I don't know. I don't know how.

Paulie Walnuts

Eh, what's to know? You ask 'em what they want for Christmas, you give 'em a nice toy, and that's the end of it.

Bobby Baccilieri

Nah. Not me, I can't.

Paulie Walnuts

Yes you can.

Bobby Baccilieri

I can't.

Paulie Walnuts

Why not?

Bobby Baccilieri

I'm shy.

Paulie Walnuts

The Boss of this family told you you're gonna be Santa Claus. You're Santa Claus! So shut the fuck up about it.

Bobby Baccilieri

You were just here.

I was not.

Bobby Baccilieri

Yeah you were. You were on my lap five minutes ago.

No, I wasn't.

Bobby Baccilieri

Yes, you were! Now you're goin' on Santa's list and you're gettin' nothin'!

Fuck you, Santa!

Ohhh!

Paulie Walnuts

I can't believe it. I fuckin' loved that car.

Bobby Baccilieri

Probably kids or somethin'.

Christopher Moltisanti

What if it was the guy?

Tony Soprano

You got the money.

Paulie Walnuts

It was in the car.

Tony Soprano

It's all I asked you ta do Paulie.

Paulie Walnuts

Sorry T, it couldn't be helped. Guy fuckin' lunged at us. [Chris nods yes] Listen Tone, I know I fucked up, but-

Tony Soprano

It's okay, really. Just forget it.

Bobby Baccilieri

What do ya think? Wanna look fer this guy or what?

Tony Soprano

You tell me. Is it worth it?

Paulie Walnuts

I hit 'im in the head Tone. I saw it with my own eyes.

Tony Soprano

Is it possible this fuck made it outta here alive?

Bobby Baccilieri

It's hard to say. Flesh wound maybe. Head shot, I dunno. On the other hand, anything's possible.

Tony Soprano

[to Paulie] You're a captain. What do you wanna do?

Paulie Walnuts

Fuck it. Lets go home.

Tony Soprano

Alright. But lets be clear on this right now. This cocksucka crawls out from under a rock, he's your problem, not mine. You deal with Slava, you take the heat. You pay the price. Capice?

Paulie Walnuts

Fine.

Bobby Baccilieri

World really went downhill after the World Trade Center. You know, Quasimodo predicted all of this.

Tony Soprano

Who did what?

Bobby Baccilieri

All these problems, the middle east. The end o' the world.

Tony Soprano

Nostradamus. Quasimodo's the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Bobby Baccilieri

Oh, right. Notredamus.

Tony Soprano

Nostradamus and Notre Dame, that's two different things completely.

Bobby Baccilieri

It's interesting though they'd be so similar, isn't it? And I always thought, "OK, Hunchback of Notre Dame. You also got your quarterback and your halfback of Notre Dame".

Tony Soprano

One's a fucking cathedral!

Bobby Baccilieri

Obviously, I know. I'm just sayin'. It's interesting, the coincidence. What, you're gonna tell me you never pondered that? The back thing with Notre Dame?

Tony Soprano

No!

Bobby Baccilieri

You're Teddy Genaretti, aren't ya? The shop steward for local one eighty four?

Guilty. You a joint fitter?

What can I get you?

Bobby Baccilieri

Wild Turkey neat. I saw your Caravan in the lot. It's a nice car for a family.

Do I know you?

Bobby Baccilieri

Jim Blake.

What local you in?

Bobby Baccilieri

Bad back. It's just that I follow these things, you know, this election coming up. Dick Hoffman for president? I heard he's got one eighty four's vote. I think it's a mistake.

Pension's been ripped off for the last twenty five years.

Bobby Baccilieri

Hey, I'm sure you guys got grievances, but Dick Hoffman? What do you owe this guy? It's all talk. He's out of touch with reality, Dick. You think if push came to shove he'd give a fuck about you?

I know what you're trying to do.

Bobby Baccilieri

You look like a smart guy. I can see why your local puts their faith in you to do the right thing. I'm just saying, if it was me? I got kids that depend on me, like yourself. And to waste my votes on somebody like Dick Hoffman? I might as well put a bullet in my head, here, here and here. (pointing at his head)

Bobby Baccilieri

Got home tonight, kids were kind o' quiet. Then bedtime, all hell broke loose, cryin', wouldn't be left alone! Sophia especially. They've been playin' with that goddamn Ouija board again.

Janice Soprano

Oh no.

Bobby Baccilieri

They've been tryin' to contact Karen. What?

Janice Soprano

I don't know what to say Bobby. I came over this afternoon with some pound cake.

Bobby Baccilieri

I saw it.

Janice Soprano

I heard them in his room with that Ouija board...I thought...this is not good. But then after the other night, I didn't wanna overstep my bounds.

Bobby Baccilieri

It's my fault.

Janice Soprano

Hey, you're under a lot of stress. You're a single dad.

Bobby Baccilieri

No, you were right...it's bad for them, it's unwholesome.

Janice Soprano

You want me to go up?

Bobby Baccilieri

I think they're asleep. Finally. I had to read to Sophia for like, an hour. She couldn't even handle a "Nancy Drew." It was too mysterious.

Janice Soprano

You went to the cemetery today, didn't you?

Bobby Baccilieri

How do you know?

Janice Soprano

'Cuz you got cemetery mud on your shoes.

Bobby Baccilieri

Mud? What are you, Marge Higenbrinder now? What do you know about the mud? You been spyin' on me? What, I can't go to the cemetery? I gotta get permission from you?

Tony Soprano

Free spirit Janice! Rebel without a cause! While I sit here mired in her bullshit, tryin' to be a good son, while you're off droppin' acid and blowin' roadies!

Bobby Baccilieri

ROADIES?!!?

Tony Soprano

Oh, you don't wanna know!

Silvio Dante

(A series of phone conversations) Adriana got caught givin' the big guy a blowjob.

Bobby Baccilieri

And when the paramedics found them, she had his cock still in her mouth.

Hesh Rabkin

Now, statistics show that most single-car fatalities are the result of guys poppin' their load behind the wheel.

Uncle Junior

Apparently, he came all over the sun visor.

Tony Soprano

(about the absence of his childhood dog) Father told me he took him to live on a farm.

Bobby Baccilieri

That's what they always say. That same farm must have seventeen billion dogs on it. Dogshit up ta the rafters.

Brought you some danishes and coffee.

Uncle Junior

Fuckin' medication. I can't think, can't stay awake.

It don't have that side-effect. But it'll help your outlook if you take it consistently like you're supposed to. What's on?

Uncle Junior

They said in the guide it's an Italian movie, but even with the captions I can't tell what's what. They had Jesus hanging off a helicopter, but you could tell it was a dummy.

You know who I saw at the bakery?

Uncle Junior

How the fuck could I know?

Rosalie Aprile. She said they're having a surprise party for Carmela's father next week. He's gonna be seventy-five. You get an invite?

Uncle Junior

No but we go back to when Moses wore short pants. I better call Hugh. Tell him not to expect me.

It's a surprise party, June.

Uncle Junior

What are we, children? Anyway, at our age it's enough surprise we're still alive every morning.