Janice Soprano quotes from The Sopranos

Janice Soprano

You better hope you have all your shit outta here 'cuz I'm callin' the locksmith.

Janice Soprano

Bobby...my uncle loves you. He needs you. So you're gonna get up tomorrow morning, and you're gonna get dressed. And you're gonna get in that car and you're gonna do what needs to be done, aren't you?

Janice Soprano

(In middle of sex with Richie, while Richie holds a gun to her head) Oh, Richie baby you're the best. You're the best one. Oh baby. Oh, you're the best one ever. Oh..ah..ahh..oh baby you're the best. Oh baby you're the best. Oh, Richie. Oh, Richie!! Oh baby you're the boss. Oh, you're the boss. Oh, you're the boss. Oh baby! Oh, you're the best. Ah..ah! It should be you. Ah! It should be you. What? What?

Richie Aprile

Fuck that come from? It should be you? What are you tryin' to say Janice?

Janice Soprano

What?!

Richie Aprile

Don't what me! Why'd you say that?

Janice Soprano

I was making love to you baby!

Richie Aprile

You know what you said.

Janice Soprano

I was in the heat of passion, I'm doin' it like you like.

Richie Aprile

"Boss" this. "Boss" that. It Should be you! That's not part of it. How can you think of shit like that during sex? You're not in the moment.

Janice Soprano

I find powerful men erotic.

Richie Aprile

Is that another dig in me?

Janice Soprano

Oh, Jesus, Richie.

Richie Aprile

I got to be loyal. Without that, we crumble.

Janice Soprano

Tell that to Paul Castellano.

Richie Aprile

I'm old school, Janice.

Janice Soprano

All I mean is my brother needs help.

Richie Aprile

Teaching him manners is one thing.

Janice Soprano

My Uncle Junior still has friends and Junior thinks the world of you. When your opponent gives you an opening, be swift as a hare.

Richie Aprile

When I think of that jacket I gave your brother and he spit on it. I could slice an ear off his head.

Janice Soprano

Richie wait, wha-- ma, (Livia comes down the stairs) if you need something, call, I'll bring it up.

Livia Soprano

Are you smoking marijuana? I want to watch the tv.

Janice Soprano

Well, we should get another one for your room.

Livia Soprano

Listen to her. Like Rose Kennedy with all our money to throw around.

Richie Aprile

Put my fucking dinner on the table, and keep your mouth shut.

Janice Soprano

No, you shut up. Just because he's a ballroom dancer, you think your son is gay. What if he was gay, what difference does it make? (Richie slams Janice in the face)

Janice Soprano

Ow! Fuck!

Richie Aprile

What are you looking at? You gonna cry now? (Janice goes, gets a gun and points it at Richie)

Richie Aprile

Get the fuck out of here, I'm in no mood for your- (Janice shoots Richie)

Janice Soprano

What'd you do with him? (about Richie)

Tony Soprano

We buried him... On a hill overlooking a little river, with pine cones all around.

Janice Soprano

You did? (joyous)

Tony Soprano

C'mon Janice, what the fuck? What do you care what we did with him, huh?

Janice Soprano

I mean...I...I do know what mom's wishes were, but not to have a wake or a funeral, I mean makes us look like we're unloving children, not to mention cheapskates.

Tony Soprano

Who gives a shit what it looks like, the woman expressed her wishes.

Tony Soprano

So how's yer love life?

Janice Soprano

Why don't you mind your goddamn business?

Tony Soprano

I don't know, it kinda feels like it is my business considerin' I had to haul your last boyfriend outta your kitchen in a hefty bag.

Janice Soprano

You're a miserable fuck. You know that? You're just like Ma.

Tony Soprano

Oh yeah?

Janice Soprano

Yeah really, with your condescension and your sabotage. For your information, Ralph is a great guy.

Tony Soprano

Trust me, I got more information than I need about Ralphie.

Janice Soprano

Well it's always something, Tony. What are you, threatened by the fact that he has a sense of style?

Tony Soprano

Oh a sense of style?

Janice Soprano

Ralph Lauren? Collegiate?

Tony Soprano

Let me ask you a question Janice, do I know this guy better than you? Cause I'm tellin' you, he's no fuckin' good.

Janice Soprano

My happiness really drives you crazy, doesn't it, Tony?

Janice Soprano

How much money did you make today, slut?

Ralph Cifaretto

three hundred.

Janice Soprano

That's all bitch? Oh, I'm gonna put you back on the street ho, make you work that ass.

Ralph Cifaretto

Put me back on the street baby, yeah.

Janice Soprano

Work that ass you little cunt.

Ralph Cifaretto

You work it baby.

Janice Soprano

Mommy's little tramp. Mommy's little Whore. Pimp you out bitch.

Tony Soprano

Did you ever know anybody that uh...ever committed suicide?

Janice Soprano

Plenty. I used to live in Seattle, Tony.

Janice Soprano

Three thousand dollars.

Tony Soprano

How'd you come up with that figure?

Janice Soprano

It's a number that I thought you'd say yes to.

Tony Soprano

You thought right.

Janice Soprano

So, what have you heard?

Tony Soprano

You pay me three thousand dollars, I'll answer your questions.

Janice Soprano

He bottoms from the top.

Tony Soprano

I don't even know what that means...

Janice Soprano

Means...he has to control things but he pretends he doesn't. Like he'd make me fuck him with a strap on and call him my bitch...shit like that.

Tony Soprano

What about plain old fuckin'?

Janice Soprano

I'm tellin' you, he can't get hard that way, and if he could, I don't think that he'd want to.

Bobby Baccilieri

Got home tonight, kids were kind o' quiet. Then bedtime, all hell broke loose, cryin', wouldn't be left alone! Sophia especially. They've been playin' with that goddamn Ouija board again.

Janice Soprano

Oh no.

Bobby Baccilieri

They've been tryin' to contact Karen. What?

Janice Soprano

I don't know what to say Bobby. I came over this afternoon with some pound cake.

Bobby Baccilieri

I saw it.

Janice Soprano

I heard them in his room with that Ouija board...I thought...this is not good. But then after the other night, I didn't wanna overstep my bounds.

Bobby Baccilieri

It's my fault.

Janice Soprano

Hey, you're under a lot of stress. You're a single dad.

Bobby Baccilieri

No, you were right...it's bad for them, it's unwholesome.

Janice Soprano

You want me to go up?

Bobby Baccilieri

I think they're asleep. Finally. I had to read to Sophia for like, an hour. She couldn't even handle a "Nancy Drew." It was too mysterious.

Janice Soprano

You went to the cemetery today, didn't you?

Bobby Baccilieri

How do you know?

Janice Soprano

'Cuz you got cemetery mud on your shoes.

Bobby Baccilieri

Mud? What are you, Marge Higenbrinder now? What do you know about the mud? You been spyin' on me? What, I can't go to the cemetery? I gotta get permission from you?

Uncle Junior

[to AJ at dinner] Your father never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Tony Soprano

Oh, what the... What the hell's with you?

Uncle Junior

What?

Tony Soprano

It's not true. I lettered in football.

Uncle Junior

You never played college ball.

Tony Soprano

College? Those guys from Seton Hall were seven feet tall some of them. Took an academic leave anyway.

Uncle Junior

Small hands, that was your problem.

Janice Soprano

[laughing] Oh yeah, Daddy always said that.

Tony Soprano

That's not the point. What is it with you and this obsession with this varsity crap? The other day you said it. When I was a kid you told the girl cousins the same thing, it was very hurtful.

Janice Soprano

Tony, relax, it's not a big deal.

Tony Soprano

It's undermining! And it's the kinda stuff I'm teaching my kids not to do - so I don't wanna hear it again! End of subject!

So coming down I heard on the radio, looks like the Jets are gonna grab that kid from Tulsa, that tight end.

We still get those season tickets, big brother?

All I know is he never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Tony Soprano

AW, SON OF A BITCH!

What?

Tony Soprano

DID I JUST TELL YOU NOT TO SAY THAT AGAIN?!

Say what?!

You don't like the way I talk, get outta my house!

Ugh, here we go...

Janice Soprano

Tony...

Tony Soprano

No, "Tony" shit! [to AJ] Get your coat, we're leaving.

I don't have a coat.

Tony Soprano

Well then get moving, Goddamn it!

Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Tony Soprano

It's my last Sunday dinner here, that's what's going on.

Janice Soprano

Uncle Jun, was that really necessary?

He's a goddamn hothouse flower, that's his problem.

Janice Soprano

That bitch is lucky I didn't kill her.

Tony Soprano

Well we all know that.