Uncle Junior quotes from The Sopranos

Uncle Junior

(to Tony) You may run North Jersey but you don't run your Uncle Junior. How many fucking hours did I spend playing catch with you?

Uncle Junior

Take it easy. We're not making a western here.

Uncle Junior

Hear about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

Uncle Junior

Anthony is a cunt hair away from owning all of Northern Jersey. And I am that cunt hair.

Uncle Junior

No need. You say sign, I sign. You tell me to take a crap on the deck o' the Queen Mary, an hour later, they're hosin' it down with disinfectant.

Uncle Junior

Me with the competency hearings, you with the head shrinkers, this one in rehab now.

Uncle Junior

Five hours they let me out for these funerals. I gotta spend it bein' maudlin?

Uncle Junior

I bet that gym teacher shit a brick when your little friend puked on his boots, huh Anthony? (Anthony Junior laughs)

Tony Soprano

Wanna encourage him Uncle Jun'?

Uncle Junior

Hey, whatever happened ta boys will be boys?

Carmela Soprano

He stole from the church.

Uncle Junior

'Cause he's a fucking mental weakling.

Mikey Palmice

I know.

Uncle Junior

You don't know shit Mikey. He's seeing a psychiatrist fer chrissake. How about that huh? My nephew is seeing a psychiatrist. It makes me wanna cry.

Mikey Palmice

No shit...

Uncle Junior

Indictment's being prepared. He's spilling his guts.

Mikey Palmice

I fucking knew it.

Uncle Junior

No, you didn't fucking know it, I just told you.

Hey grandma how come yous not supposed to breathe in a cemetery?

Livia Soprano

Who says?

It's a joke for chrissakes...say why.

'Cuz you'll make the dead people jealous.

(At a funeral) Junior. Hey.

Uncle Junior

Jimmy. How ya doin' kid?

How many o' these things we gotta go ta? Brendan Filone's mother at the kid's funeral...the way she carried on...

Uncle Junior

Fuckin' manners.

I just want you ta know, I always thought ya had that right too, you know...(Jimmy does a gun motion with his hand)

Uncle Junior

Jimmy, lemme tell you somethin'. Don't worry about what I know.

Mikey Palmice

Junior, are you alright?

Uncle Junior

Pork chop boy was here, that fuckin' Altieri. Runnin' his mouth about the Brendan Filone hit. Is that what him and my other capos talk about behind my back at that fuckin' old folks home?

Mikey Palmice

Well, the meeting's adjourned at the green grove.

Uncle Junior

Jimmy; does that answer your concerns?

I think a lot of good ground was covered.

Uncle Junior

OK, I guess that is it.

Uncle Junior

You are right; it is him.

Tony Soprano

All of the sudden having a meeting to discuss facts we have already covered. He is wearing a wire.

Uncle Junior

You have my OK. Just make sure you send a message to everybody else.

Who was it who told me you hated Russians?

Christopher Moltisanti

The two men Junior brought around to pound my ass were Russian. For a while I was bitter. However, Tony's cumare is Russian; you could not ask for a nicer girl. These two tonight are friends of hers.

I got enough cologne on?

Christopher Moltisanti

You smell like Paco Rabanne crawled up your ass and died.

Whoah, easy for you to say. I don't get young ones like before.

You prefer Corrado or Junior?

Uncle Junior

I prefer Mr. Soprano.

Your tenure as boss was a short one. Actually, it was unusual in several ways. Let me put this to you as simply as I can. You can avoid sentencing on these charges if you will testify that in fact, you were not the boss of North Jersey, that in fact, your nephew, Anthony Soprano, was and is. That he de facto controlled your capos with the backing of two of the New York families, communicating through their emissary, John Sacrimoni. We want Johnny Sack. But more than him, we want Mangano and Teresi.

Uncle Junior

I want to fuck Angie Dickinson, let's see who gets lucky first.

Richie Aprile

You know, Jun', it kills me to sit back and watch. Forget it.

Uncle Junior

No, finish what you were gonna say.

Richie Aprile

Well I forgot already.

Uncle Junior

Then un-forget.

Richie Aprile

I can't not notice that he's fucking you. This Scatino bust out, is like a license to steal. What's he throwing your way? U gatz. This garbage thing, he's already taking your townships. Now he's fucking with mine?

Uncle Junior

What am I supposed to do about it? I'm under indictment.

Richie Aprile

Sorry, Junior, I don't want to rip open old wounds, but...

Uncle Junior

I'm in no shape for disharmony.

Richie Aprile

You and I both know he's gotta go.

Uncle Junior

That's my nephew you're talkin' about. How dare you in my own home!

Richie Aprile

C'mon junior, this fucking guy was supposed to be laid out on midland avenue a year ago. I know it. You know it.

Uncle Junior

Let me tell you who's not a good kid. That niece of mine. I left my brother's house one night and my wallet was light. I'm talkin' about a 10-year-girl here, Richie. A word to the wise, that's all i'm saying.