Phil Leotardo quotes from The Sopranos

Phil Leotardo

You'll suck our cocks? She any good? (pauses) Why am I askin, you, you probably showed her how. (to Jason Evanina)

Phil Leotardo

Next time, there won't be a next time.

Johnny Sack

Tony gets one fifty. Twenty five percent comes from you, the other seventy five percent o' that comes from Hesh.

Phil Leotardo

Jesus Christ...that's like forty grand. You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me, John.

Johnny Sack

Am I smilin'?

Phil Leotardo

You got some balls kid, I'll give you that much!

Tony Soprano

You'll give me what I tell you to give me!

Johnny Sack

Whoah Tony...

Silvio Dante

Take it easy...take it easy...

Tony Soprano

Fuck that! This ain't the seventies. And I'm not a kid.

Phil Leotardo

Relax, it's an expression.

Tony Soprano

Well, here's another expression. You got five days ta give me my money.

Phil Leotardo

Somethin's off with the seat!

Phil Leotardo

Feel's off kilter! Try it, Joey!

You're right! It's off its axis.

Phil Leotardo

It reclines strange too.

Phil Leotardo

I don't feel like I'm sittin' at twelve o' clock.

Tony Blundetto

May I?

Phil Leotardo

I don't give a fuck. You can sit in there until fucking saginata. It'll still need to be dealt with. This car went through a major collision.

Tony Blundetto

Seems okay.

Phil Leotardo

How can it be okay if its askew? What's a matter Joey, you got a fuckin' eye problem! You look like Stevie Wonder, your eyes rollin' around!

Huh, what I say? I didn't say nuthin'...

Tony Soprano

First off, let me just say how sorry I am for you're loss. We all are.

Phil Leotardo

Take your fuckin' sorrys, and stick in your ass.

Tony Soprano

I could say nothing. Be a heartless prick.

Phil Leotardo

He tried to talk, he couldn't even say his last words. Anybody ever die in your arms, you cocksucker? A family member, somebody you love?

Tony Soprano

No.

Phil Leotardo

Well give it time. See if I can't make that happen for you.

Silvio Dante

Whoa whoa whoa...

Tony Soprano

Alright, that's enough.

Phil Leotardo

Ho! 'Scuse me. How ya doin'? You're Joanne right?

Who are you?

Phil Leotardo

Well, we're friends o' your son's.

My son doesn't live with me.

Phil Leotardo

We're uh...from Alcoholics Anonymous.

What's your name?

Phil Leotardo

Well, we're anonymous. I see his car's out front.

He went ta California or Vegas, I don't know.

Phil Leotardo

California or Vegas. When did he leave?

I'm sorry I have to go to work.

Phil Leotardo

Where the fuck is he?

Leave me alone. (Phil grabs Joanne)

Phil Leotardo

I had a brother your son's age.

Please let go o' my hand.

Phil Leotardo

Where the fuck is he you fuckin' cunt? I'll take that Discman and I'll ram it up your box.

Philly, Philly...please...please. It's the guy's mother Phil. It's the guy's mother. (Joanne runs off)

Phil Leotardo

I'll tell ya one thing and I'm not ashamed ta say it. My estimation of John Sacrimoni as a man just fuckin' plummeted.

Tony Soprano

Give 'im a break, will ya? It's an emotional day...

Phil Leotardo

Ta cry like a woman? It's a fuckin' disgrace.

Paulie Walnuts

His fuckin' coach turned into a pumpkin. Heh heh.

Phil Leotardo

Well, even Cinderella didn't cry...

Tony Soprano

Look, when it comes to daughters, all bets are off. I've seen tougher guys than John cry at weddings.

Phil Leotardo

Yeah, well let me ask you this. If they can make him cry and if he's that weak, what the fuck else can they make 'im do?

Christopher Moltisanti

I gotta agree with Phil, Ton'.

Tony Soprano

Oh, you do, do ya?

Phil Leotardo

Sure, we break some balls here tonight, but I go way back. And in light of recent humiliations, it's an honor to be joined by men, and not faggot ass corn-holin' cocksuckers like married my cousin. He should fuckin' die!

Tony Soprano

Whoah whoah whoah. Phil!

Phil Leotardo

'Cuz I got an empty fuckin' stomach.

Tony Soprano

So have a breadstick.

Patsy Parisi

Forty Five minutes for some grilled eggplant?

Tony Soprano

Jesus Christ. Is there nothin' without this complainin'?

Tony Soprano

What can I do for you Phil?

Phil Leotardo

Vito...do we know where he's at?

Tony Soprano

Well that really doesn't concern you. How's John?

Phil Leotardo

I dunno. Fine, through his vale of tears. But seriously...Vito...what's being done about 'im?

Tony Soprano

Well, like I just said, it's none of your fuckin' business 'cause he works for me, not you.

Phil Leotardo

He's married to my cousin. He dishonored me personally.

Tony Soprano

What do you want me ta do...put out an APB on the guy 'cause he takes it up the ass, huh? It's a victimless crime.

Phil Leotardo

Marie is a victim. Her children are victims. They've done nothing. And they're forced to live with the shame and humiliation. I gotta be frank, in your father's day, we wouldn't be havin' this conversation. A finook in his crew, he knew how ta handle that.

Tony Soprano

I sympathize with Marie, and the children, okay? But don't you fuckin' tell me what to do. You're only actin' boss.

Phil Leotardo

I swallowed my pride when your murderin' fuck of a cousin killed my brother. Don't think I'm gonna do it twice.

Tony Soprano

Phillip, lets not make a beef where there isn't one. Fundamentally, we are in agreement on this issue, but I'll handle it.

Phil Leotardo

Fuckin' nauseating!

Albie Cianflone

Could've been worse. He could have flipped.

Phil Leotardo

Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?! You don't ever admit the existence of this thing. Ever!

Phil Leotardo

I did twenty fuckin' years.

As we know, Phil asked me to arrange this meeting after the fire in his wire room.

Phil Leotardo

Correction. You asked me to fuckin' attend. I agreed.

Fair enough. Now I won't call it a sit-down because of the inclement negative implications. Let's think of it as... a meeting of minds. Now for whatever reason, certain incidents have expired lately that in addition to being dangerous could have an adverse impact on our respective bottom lines.

Phil Leotardo

I know Vito's bottom was impacted if that's what you're referring to.

Tony Soprano

Call him what you will but you're talkin' about one of my captains.

Phil Leotardo

Captain? The Good Ship Lollipop, right?

Phil, please.

Phil Leotardo

Please, my ass. The man was a fuckin' disgrace.

Tony Soprano

Well, before he came outta the closet, he worked for me. And he put a lot of money in my pocket. And yours too.

Phil Leotardo

Talk about earners? How 'bout Fat Dom Gamiello?

Silvio Dante

What about 'im?

Phil Leotardo

He's M.I.A. A lot of people are concerned for his well-being.

Tony Soprano

So what the fuck would I know about that?

Phil Leotardo

Well as coincidence would have it, he was last seen in New Jersey.

Tony Soprano

So was the Hindenburg. Maybe you wanna look into that too.

Tony, please. Phil. We're gettin' off point. I grew up in this, guys. And I just lost my friend Rusty. And for reasons I will discern in time, believe me. If there's one thing my father taught me, it's this; a pint of blood costs more than a gallon of gold. My business, all of our businesses, this infighting's costing money.

Tony Soprano

I'm willin' to move forward. Let the past be bygones.

Phil Leotardo

Fine with me.

A wise decision... on both your parts. Now what I'd love to see is a truce. Wipe the slate clean. The no-shows. The wire room. Vito... put it all behind us.

Tony Soprano

Yeah...

Your brother Billy, whatever happened there...

Tony Soprano

Alright then, uh...

Phil Leotardo

"Whatever happened there?!"

The shooting.

Phil Leotardo

"Whatever happened there?!"

God rest his soul, huh?

Phil Leotardo

I'll tell you what fuckin' happened; this piece of shit's cousin...

Tony Soprano

Calm down Phil.

Phil Leotardo

...put six bullets in the kid without any provocation whatsoever!

Tony Soprano

My cousin's dead.

Phil Leotardo

Fuck you!

Phil, hey we were makin' headway here. I didn't mean to say...

Phil Leotardo

Fuck what you meant, cocksucker! Come on!

Tony Soprano

Jesus Christ, Carmine, what the fuck? Why would you possibly bring that up?

Don't get me wrong, I loved Dom more than anybody. My point is we don't know if Tony was behind this.

Phil Leotardo

It's payback for Vito.

So why the fuck did they blow up the wire room?

Albie Cianflone

Balls on this prick...

Butch DeConcini

To blow up a store...you call that balls? Balls is you look a guy in the eye while you jam a ice pick through his lung.

Albie Cianflone

I meant balls as in "nerve," "gall."

Butch DeConcini

I know what the fuck you meant. Far as I'm concerned, this is like nine eleven. Tony wanted our attention? Fine. He got our attention. Now we wipe 'im off the planet.

Phil Leotardo

You know that fat cocksucker says I look like the Shah of Iran?

Butch DeConcini

Who does?

Tony...

Albie Cianflone

I never got that at all...

Phil Leotardo

Fat piece o' shit.

Butch DeConcini

It's irrelevant, Phil. But he's testin' you...all the time. And you keep indulgin' him.

Phil Leotardo

You're right. But whack a boss? I won't do that.

Butch DeConcini

It's been done before.

Phil Leotardo

And it was wrong then.

Butch DeConcini

Eye for an eye then, huh? Pick somebody over there.

Tony Soprano

So how was Florida?

Phil Leotardo

Hot and sticky...like my balls.

Phil Leotardo

That cocksuckin' piece o' shit, Tony Soprano's cousin, I can't even say his name, murdered Billy. And what did I do about it? My weakness...sometimes I think it's in my DNA. My family took shit from the Amerigans the minute we get off the boat.

Butch DeConcini

Come on, fuck you talkin' about?

Phil Leotardo

Leotardo, that's my fuckin' legacy...no more Butchy...no more o' this.