Ned Flanders quotes from The Simpsons

Ned

Well, sir. Now we'll have an open marriage.

Edna

Um, you do know what that means?

Ned

No, but I'm sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong.

Homer

People here do not respect boundaries.

Ned

Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

Edna

I know you feel guilty about about cold-cocking Homer.

Ned

Please don't use that word in bed.

Ned

I want you to punch me in the eye. If you do, then we're even according to Exodus, Leviticus, and Matthew.

Homer

You went and hired a law firm, eh. That's pretty aggressive.

Ned

Come on, Homer. I'm insisting on a fisting.

What's this about a fisting?

Ned

Homer, I can't believe you're partaking with my parents.

Homer

Yeah, it's medicinal; we had a pain in our neck!

Ned Flanders

Pray for a miracle, boy. God can hear you better from up there.

Bart

[Pray to God] Dear Lord, please help me land safely. Or transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen.

Ned Flanders

That's not a prayer.

Bart

My God says it is.

Bart

What's your soda refill policy?

Marge

All you can drink, if you buy a jumbo cup.

Homer

Careful, Marge, that's how I bankrupted a Pizza Hut.

Ned

Homer, this is my Freezer-ino!

Homer

Seriously, I am getting so tired of those stupid Flanders-isms!

Ned

It's the name of the freezer.

Homer

Okily-Dokahama?

Ned

Right next to Mount Fuji-I'm glad to see you!

Maude

My bladder's going to burst.

Ned

Now I know you've had a few too many waters, but that is no reason for the sailor talk.

Lisa

Bart, some of your biggest heroes are dancers. Krusty was on Dancing with the Stars until a panel of experts determined he wasn't a star.

Ned

And done. Proud of you boys.

Homer

[flips the fence to the brown side] Thanks for painting my fence stupid Flanders!

Ned

Homer Simpson reorder that border. We've been painting since sun-up.

Homer

Half the fence is mine.

Ned

Fine. Let the good lord decide.

Homer

[spins the fence] D'oh! Woo-hoo! D'oh! Woo-hoo! D'oh! [the fence comes to a stop at the painted side] Woo-hoo!

Homer

Hey, Flanders! Gas up your leaf blower much? [notices Flanders' hen house] Chickens?! Since when do you have chickens?

Ned

Oh, about six months.

Homer

Well, they've been driving me crazy. Get rid of them!

Ned

[chuckles] Don't let these feathery fellas ruffle your feathers, fella.

Homer

Chickens. You have yourself a perfectly good coop, and that's what you keep in it? [whistles]

Ned

Oh, Homer, surely you know there's nothing tastier than a fresh-laid egg! [to Rod and Todd] How do you want 'em, boys?

Coddled! Coddled! Coddled!

Ned

[chuckles] What is it about boys and their coddled eggs?

Rev. Lovejoy

Bless you all for sacrificing your Saturday afternoon to help us clean up skid row.

Homer

When God came for Sunday I said nothing. Now he comes for Saturday.

Ned

Homer Simpson, it's one thing to moan and groan on the bus, but in front of these unfortunates, well... [scoffs] that just curls my 'stache! [his mustache curls a bit]

Homer

Hey, Flanders, why don't you take some advice from your Bible and zip it?

Ned

Oh, where does the Bible say "zip it"!?

Homer

It's the first thing the burning bush said to Moses! [a homeless man approaches Homer]

Thank you for teaching us Scripture. [hugs Homer while he shows his tongue to Ned] Thank you.

Bart

Isn't this great,baby alone time. Where's Maggie’s Peek-a-boo.

Lisa

Well, what do you think of my late pick-up room?

Ned

It's wonderful, hard to believe it's the same room they found all those dead rats in.

Ned

[plays Christian parody rock music in the car]

Homer

Maybe we should talk.

Ned

Well, of course, my friend! Wanna talk about Jesus?

Homer

No.

Ned

Wanna talk about Ecclesiastes?

Homer

No.

Ned

Wanna talk about baby Jesus?

Homer

[turns Christian rock back on]

Ned

Ralph, what would you say?

I would say, Baby Jesus, thank you for dying for our shins.