Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Relax, Lisa! Meet your new comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson! [hums The Odd Couple Theme]

Bart

I'm gonna make your life a living hell.

Homer

[hums The Odd Couple theme and shoves Lisa in]

There goes the finest trucker who ever lived.

Homer

He called me "greenhorn." I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.

In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making.

Homer

Oh, yes he will....and on time, too.

Marge

Oh no, Homer, no.

Homer

I got to, honey. I owe it to Red as both his friend and his killer.

Bart

Oh, let me go with you, Dad.

Homer

Don't you have school?

Bart

Don't you have work?

Homer

Ahh, touché.

Bart

Dad, they're going to kill us!

Homer

Oh, why do all my trips end like this?

Marge

Oh, no, it's the Apocalypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?

Bart

Not anymore.

Lisa Simpson

It's Rapture, and I never knew true love.

Homer

I never used those pizza coupons.

Goliath II is going to pay. And this time, it's biblical.

Homer

English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le grille? What the hell is that?!

Homer

Yeah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. [it is revealed to be the design on the box, as the real end result is a jumbled mess] WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! [finally snaps, then starts hitting the mess of a pit with a crowbar] WHY?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!?!?

Marge

How's your father's project coming along?

Bart

I think he's almost done. [He looks out, as we see Homer charge towards pit with an umbrella while screaming, shove it into an opening, and fall backwards as it opens up] Yeah, he's done.

Homer

How about it, Bart? Would you like a new backyard barbecue pit?

Bart

Can I burn evidence in it?

Homer

We can all burn evidence in it.

Bart

Hit the road, "Welcome home"!

Homer

Adiós, "Casa de Flanders"!

Bart

See you in Hell, "God bless this house"!

Homer

So long, "The Simpsons"! ...D'oh!

Bart

Are you sure this is art and not vandalism?

Homer

That's for the courts to decide, son.

Bart

Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?

Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball State, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?

Uh, don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of community service.

Intercourse?

What if we refuse?

You won't pass to the next grade!

I fail to see the threat.

SKINNER! Good idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.

Groundskeeper Willie

Let's see what's been captured in the Up-Kilt camera. Ugh, this lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. Agh, that's Willie!

Bart

My name is Mary. I'm 45, heavy, and willing to settle for less.

Wow. This Mary's got the whole package.

Lisa

Wow, Dad, You're surfin' like a pro.

Homer

Oh, yeah, I'm betting on jai alai in the Cayman Islands. I invested in something called News Corp--

Lisa

Dad! That's Fox!

Homer

Undo! Undo!

Lisa

Dad, do we have any money left?

Homer

Well, let's check the old bank account. See? Even after my cyber squandering, we've still got $1,200.

All right, dorks, this is a holdup. Oh, yes! Download to papa. Yoink dot adiós, back-slash losers.

Marge

Hawaii here we come!

Bart

Come on Transylvania

Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure and has 4 available mega-saver seats.

Yeah!

Marge

Come on, Homer, Japan.

Homer

No, not Japan, Jamaica. I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.

Lisa

Never mind. Looks like the Flanders are gonna get those seats anyway.

Homer

Oh, so Flanders he can steal our vacation, huh? Come on! Sayonara, suckers.

Lisa

Yay! The Simpsons are going to Japan. [a gong sounds. Zoom out to reveal that the Simpsons' airport cart crashed into a gong]

Hey, watch the gong, jerk.

Lisa

Look, Mom, the safety instructions are written in haiku. "Fasten seat belts tight. Your seat cushions float gently. Headsets, five dollars."

Sir, it is not safe to use electronic devices yet.

Bart

You're the waitress. [turns it off. Cut to outside shot of the plane as it nosedives]

Turn it back on! Turn it back on!

Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.

Homer

[gasps] They're years ahead of us!

Bart

[as he turns on the TV in the next room] Mom, Lise, check it out, Dad's on TV.

Homer

[unzips his pants and sits on the toilet] Oh, yeah! [Marge and the kids are heard screaming in the next room]

Homer

I can't believe they stuck us at Taxachusetts! Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket.

Bart

And?

Homer

Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.