Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

[chases after the truck] Oh, no, you don't! [jumps onto the truck] Oh, precious heirlooms, Daddy would never let them take you. [picks up a box, he jumps out of a truck, rolls himself into his family]

Homer

Aloha AIIE!!!

Homer

A mechanical dressing dealy! Watch this, Marge. [tries out the mechanical dressing room, which ends up injured] I'm ready to hit the town.

Homer

Listen, I worked long and hard for this place, and no one's gonna take it away from me! Not you, not its rightful owner, not anyone! [downs entire goblet of brandy] And another thing: if I eve- [passes out]

Homer

Now, now, now, don't beat yourself up. I'm the one who drove her out of her seat. I'm the one who provoked the lethal barrage of T-shirts. I'm the one who parked in the ambulance zone, preventing any possible resuscitation. [notices Ned glaring at him] Yeah, I, uh... but there's no point in playing the blame game.

Homer

Barney!

Homer

The call is from heroism. Will you accept the charges?

Homer

Your Honor, I'd like to defend myself. [clears throat and turns to the left]: Drunken hicks of the jury...

Homer

For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all.

Homer Simpson

Why did I take such punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs.

Homer

I wanna set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.

Homer

[puzzled about the square-shaped hole in newspaper] Hey, who cut out Beetle Bailey? I want my Miss Buxley fix!

Homer

[confused] Is that right?

Homer Simpson

[getting upset] Oh, nobody's visiting my web page anymore! My counter is actually going down! [A tumbleweed rolls by.]

Homer

Olive oil? Asparagus? If your mother wasn't so fancy, we could just shop at the gas station like normal people.

Homer

Okay, here's the situation: We're hopelessly lost and about to die.

Homer

Don't worry! Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a giant blender.