Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

But Marge... valets! For once maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "You're making a scene."

Homer

I've got two questions. One: Where's the fife? Two: Give me the fife.

Homer

Aww, it makes no sense; I haven't changed since high school and all of a sudden I'm uncool.

Homer

Nobody knows the band Grand Funk? The wild, shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner? The bong-rattling bass of Mel Schacher? The competent drum work of Don Brewer? Oh, man!

Homer

SWEET, MERCIFUL CRAP! My car!

Homer

You could close down Moe's or the Kwik-E-Mart

Homer

[he drops a heavy jar of pennies to the ground] Aw, nuts! [echoes] Hello? China? Little help?

Homer

To alcohol! The cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems.

Homer

I'm gettin' out of this town alive if it kills me!

Homer

[Thinking] Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake.

Homer

[Looking at Bart's drawing] Oh what a beau... Aaah! Burn it! Send it to hell!

Homer

[realizing the people in Springfield are transformed into skeletons] Everyone's gone! [saddened] Little Bart...little Lisa...little Marge... [sniffs] and the rest! [cries]

Homer

[dancing in church nude when someone turns off the radio button] Hey. What happened to the tunes? [sees Springfield citizens dressed in monk robes] What's going on? Where did you get these cloaks?

Homer

[mistaking Edgar and Johnny Winter for mutants] Die, you chalk-faced goons!

Homer

Something I should have done a long time ago. [furiously turns red, angrily shouting at Bart] I'll teach you to mess with my machine!

Homer

[angrily starts chasing Bart] I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me 35 cents! You're just making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!