Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

[After a dying Sideshow Mel praises William Shakespeare.] Well, if you see him in Heaven...tell him he sucks!

Homer

[Joins Marge as a ghost] Me reading all those plays would be the real tragedy.

Homer

But I'm so cold.

Homer

Out of all the stupidest things I've ever done, this is the stupidest. And you're doing it!

Homer

She found my one weakness... that I'm weak!

Homer

[about Marge and Ned having an affair] My wife and my worst friend. Could it be?

Homer

Oh, for cryin' out...! I hate traffic - the band and the phenomenon!

Homer

Hey kids, it's daddy's turn. Stomp it! Crush it! Kill it!

Homer

Ohhh, why do my actions have consequences?!

Homer

The year is 1946, and in a war torn world, a single flower blooms and that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. Fortunately, there was one man that could help, Colonel Tom Parker. The colonel took this monster, cleaned him up and put him on stage under the name the Rolling Stones. The first concert was a sell out with many, many, many people eaten. But those that survived raved about the undeniable harmonies and brutally honest lyrics of what they had just seen. And out of the wreckage of that concert crawled the woman that would later give birth to me, not once but four times, cause in those days if they didn't like the way you looked they would send you back in to bake a little longer. After four times they just decided to cut off my tail, but you can still see it in the British museum, which interestingly enough, is in France. Not the France you're thinking of, but a much better one, built with palm trees and leprechauns, but I digress. In fact, I used to be a professional digressor, but I don't wanna get off the track, so I'll tell you about the time I was a professional digressor. The year was 2021, and I had just returned from a brief vacation where I had eaten more than my fill of tacos. Not the tacos you're thinking of. Did I ever tell you about the time I started Gracie Films? [the Gracie Films logo shows up] Hey, shush yourself!

Homer

Look at this electric bill! I'm not made of money! I'm made of man-meat and a skeleton!

Homer

I would kill for that!

Homer

Can my son come too? He knows what to do when I swallow my tongue.

Homer

Sooner or later, everyone meets their Homer.

Homer

Oh, I'm sorry, Maggie, but even at your age, I'm sure you understand that things can't always go your way. AND THAT’S WHY I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DIDN'T GET THAT STUPID ELF!!!!