The Loud House · Season 1
[approaching Lucy and the twins, desperately seeking their help] Guys, I think I broke Shiloh!
Embody or spirit?
Both! He thinks he's a big loser now because of me! I got so caught up in beating him that… I forgot he's just like…a little kid. He looked up to me. Ugh! Why did I have to be such a jerk (to him)?! [determined] I've gotta fix this before Aunt Sharon comes to pick him up!
[The Actions News Team enter the cafeteria kitchen and find Chef Pat's deep freezer being vandalized]
Chef Pat, what can you tell us, and I don't mean the lunch specials.
Some heartless monster busted in here and ate all of my… I mean, the school's ice cream! Michigan Cherry, the best flavor! Sorry. I need a minute. [runs away, sobbing]
I scream, you scream, we all scream for justice.
[The Action News Team rush to the teachers' lounge and find it completely wrecked where Principal Ramirez is]
This is not looking good for Crikey.
Yes, Miss Zhou, especially since there is poo in the corner! [gags in disgust, then calls for Meryl] Meryl, bring a shovel and a bag!
This is not in my job description, ma'am.
[enters Crikey's room where he's packing up all his stuff; mournfully] Hey, Crike. [sniffles] I just wanted to say bye. [Crikey gives him a sad hug; hugs and sobs]
[The Action News Team and Crikey have captured the fake Crikey and Liam takes off the mask, revealing to be…]
[shocked gasp] Mr. Budden?!
You're the one who trashed the school and framed Crikey?!
Why would you do that?!
[un-zipping the kangaroo costume] It was the only way to get your beloved Crikey out of here! He's overshadowed my pep band from day one! We never perform in our own anymore! We're always backup for Crikey. I didn't go to an expensive music school to be less pop songs for a kangaroo! And his treatment around here is frankly ridiculous. Donuts every morning, a key to the teachers' lounge. Oh, give me a break!
[video-calling Principal Ramirez on his phone] Did you get all that, Principal Ramirez?
[in her bathrobe and her hair wrapped in a towel] Yes, I did. [firmly] Mr. Budden, you and I are gonna have a little talk tomorrow. [to Rusty; annoyed] And Mr. Spokes, I don't know how you had this number, but lose it. [hangs up]
[ashamed] Well, Trevor Bernard Budden, you've done it again. I guess I deserve whatever's coming to me. [walks over to Crikey] Crikey, I'm really sorry about everything.
[looking through binoculars from his bedroom window, watching Lori waiting outside her apartment for her new mattress to arrive] 9:00 A.M. No sign of delivery, just Lori trying to get gum off her shoe. Yeesh. [to the viewers] I know what this looks like, but I'm not spying on Lori. She ordered a new mattress that's being delivered today, and I'm gonna claim her old one. It's still in great shape! Meanwhile, my mattress has sustained some damage. [zoom out to reveal he's standing on his wrecked mattress] Oh, don't worry, it's just cherry Flippee spillage… [gets a coil caught in his head] And there are coil issues. [shakes his head to get the coil off and hears a truck horn outside] The mattress is here! [walks outside to Lori's apartment as she pushes her new mattress inside] Hey, Lori! Let me help you.
Nice try, Lincoln. I already gave my old mattress to Leni.
What?! Why Leni?!
Because she's next in line. It's literally a family rule. Did you forget about the L.L.S.? "Loud Line of Succession?"
Of course not. [cut to him in front of the bookshelf, only to be proven wrong that he did forgot; to the viewers] I definitely forgot about the Loud Line of Succession. [uses Lynn's hockey stick to get the Book of Loud Stuff down from the top shelf] It's right here in the Book of Loud Stuff. Mom and Dad put this together years ago to help solve disputes over our…stuff. Ah, here it is: The L.L.S. [reading] "A handed down item will always go to the next oldest sibling. If that sibling passes on the item, it moves to the next oldest." Wait, that's how I can get the mattress! I just need Leni, Luna, Luan and Lynn to pass on it. Easy-peasy. [closes the book and gets covered in dust]
This will keep Lynn busy for hours. [starts a 24-hour timer on his phone and puts it in his pocket as he runs off]
Huh? 80% pork, 20% beef. Crispy yet pillowy roll. That's a meatball sub, baby! Oh, yeah! [opens her door and eats the meatball sub]
Oh, too many meatball subs. [burps and sighs] Much better. Now, let's see. Where was I? [runs into her room and takes out her old mattress] So long, Sir Sagsalot! And hello realigned back. [walks back into her room, whistling]
What's with the racket? Mr. Coconuts is on a call with his agent!
I told you, Marty, I won't work with sock puppets!
If I can explain-
[slamming Lincoln's head down to the floor] Stinkoln thinks Lori's mattress is now his because of an amendment in that dumb rule book!
There are amendments?
I had no idea!
Hmm. Well, this is for sure Dad's handwriting. Sorry, Lynn. If you never took possession of the mattress, then, it belongs to Lincoln.
[reading an amendment while taking possession of Lincoln's lamp] "Any hand-me-down not being properly cared for can be claimed by the next sibling in the Line of Succession." This light is covered in dust. [blows the dust off the lamp, which then covers her brother all over]
[hears Lola screaming, runs into the bathroom and finds her and her twin playing tug-of-war over Rita's old bathrobe; takes the robe out of their hands] What the heck is going on in here?!
Lola is trying to steal Mom's old robe from me!
It can never become yours to begin with! You know French terry is my favorite fabric!
Well, I'm two minutes older than you, so I was next in line!
[sticks a yellow sticky note on her twin's nose] That's a "Use It or Lose It" amendment I found. And since you don't even bathe, it gives me the right to TAKE THAT ROBE!
[takes the note off her nose and throws it on the floor] I don't care about your stupid rules! I'm keeping it!
[Lincoln then hears Luna and Luan fighting in their room]
[as Luan runs out of their room, carrying a leather jacket; angrily] That's my leather jacket, dude! Leni passed it down to me! [chases after her]
Yeah, but this amendment says that disrespecting an item is grounds for forfeiture!
[gets an idea and dashes into his room] I have an announcement! [his sisters all stop fighting] I've decided… [drags out Lori's old mattress] to let Lynn have this mattress.
Huh? What?!
[Lynn smiles wisely, knowing her brother is doing the right thing]
Look. I know I've started all of this, but I think everyone must get their favorite things back. The Book of Loud Stuff was created to keep the peace in this house, but now we're just using it to take advantage of ourselves. I propose one last amendment. [takes out a pen and writes down a new amendment on a yellow sticky note] "The well-being of the family always comes first."
You're right, Lincoln. You're correct, brother.
Agreed.
Absolutely.
What in the name of Jacques Cousteau is happening in here?!
We're giving the room a boat-chic makeover! It's for our viewing party we're hosting tomorrow.
[takes off her scuba helmet] We're gonna watch The Dream Boat season finale with Sam and Gavin.
Rumor has it, there's going to be a tidal wave of emotion!
And an actual tidal wave of water!
[confused] Wouldn't it be simpler to just host your nautical soirée on an actual sea vessel?
[sarcastically] Yeah, Lis, lemme call all the people we know who own a boat. [pretends to take out her phone] Ah, boop-boop-boop-boop-boop. [into her imaginary phone] Hi, nobody? Do you have a boat we can use? No? Cool. Thanks anyway. [pretends to hang up] Click.
[groans; annoyed] You can't think of anyone, ladies? Because the answer is staring you in the face.
[Leni and Luna glance to a picture of Cliff in the bathtub, looking wet and annoyed]
But how does Cliff drive his boat with those teeny-tiny paws?
[realizes what Lisa meant] Dude! [pan to the photo of Leonard and his boat] Gramps has his own ship! How did we blank on that?
And nothing says boat-y like a boat! Let's call him and ask!
[Morning at the Loud House in Petoskey Falls; Lance is eating a stack pancakes and Sharon drinks her coffee, while Shelby, in a light-pink cloak, rushes under the table, scurries into the doorway behind her mother and runs into the kitchen, then opens a drawer of kitchen supplies and pulls out a colander]
Morning, Shelby.
You can see me? Huh, this invisibility cape isn't working. Well, don't mind me. I'm just borrowing stuff for my Orcs, Horks, Wizards, and Pork campaign later. This colander would make a great helmet! [runs off into the next room]
[takes out her phone as it buzzes while Lance drinks his coffee; shocked with horror] Oh, no. One of my students is having a yoga-mergency!
[glances at the phone and spits out his coffee; horrified] Yeesh! I didn't see the human's favorite body bending that manner.
Oh, it can't. I must go help her. Ugh, but I'm supposed to drive Shelby to Royal Woods for that "Orc, Bork, Pork" thing.
I can drive the Shelbster. It'll give me a chance to get some much-needed daddy-daughter reps in. I feel like we're not connecting, you know, like we used to. [gazes at the photo of his younger self holding up a younger Shelby on the refrigerator] It used to be so much easier when she was little.
Ohhh, don't worry, baby. I'm sure that after today, you two will be closer than my head and my feet in hedgehog pose! [curls up like a hedgehog and rolls off-screen]
[Lance and Shelby arrive at Tall Timbers Park in Royal Woods for the Orcs, Horks, Wizards, and Pork, and find Lynn Sr. and Lincoln there, too]
Be that my favorite brother and favorite niece?
Lincoln! Uncle Lynn! [runs over to her favorite cousin and uncle, all hugging happily]
Hey, Shelbs!
Sweet bathrobe, little bro.
Nae, good sir. 'Tis a magic cloak, for I am Hamdalf the Wise. And this is my apprentice, Spare Rib. Ahh, I see you're traveling with the Pork Ranger!
Verily! I be a half-orc archer whose prosciutto arrows have slain many a foe! Now to come up with your character, Dad.
[runs over to his father along with Shelby when he comes out of a bush, dazed and groaning] Hamdalf! What happened?
[ashamed] Forgive me, companions. Dumbleboar didn't send me on a quest to faraway lands to seek the gem, yet I have failed.
[confused] "Faraway lands"?
Verily. I had to cross I-75!
[turns to her father; shocked] Were you trying to get rid of Uncle Lynn?
[nonchalantly] It was just a misunderstanding.
[off-screen] You, sir, are a cheater! [comes out of another bush, his hands and feet are tied up with sausages and his wizard costume is gone] This monster broke out of the stocks and tied me up in sausage!
[Lynn Sr. gasp in shock]
[hurt] That's not true, Dad. Is it?
[as Kotaro and Harold glare at him; hesitantly] No, it's n-- [stammers] I don't know. I di-I didn't...
[fuming angrily at him for sabotaging the game and deceiving her] Thanks for ruining the game! [runs away]
Shelby! Wait! [sighs in disappointment to himself as everyone else walks away and comes up to his brother] Well, you win. Shelby officially likes you better.
[confused] What are you talking about?
I came here to connect with Shelby, but instead, she ends up connecting with you. Thanks, Hambone.
Okay, it's "Hamdalf," and I'm not your problem. You are.
And what is that supposed to mean?
You haven't been listening to Shelby all day. You've just been doing what you want. This game might seem silly and ridiculous to you, but it's important to her.
[touched by the wise words] Huh. Wow, you are so right. You really are Hamdalf the Wise. I know what I have to do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Loud House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
