Rita quotes from The Loud House

Rita

[recognizes the dark-skinned bearded man] Wait, is that…?

[turns around and recognizes Rita in surprise] Huh? Rita? Is that you?

Rita

[gasps delightfully] Brad Plaid?! [runs up to him and they hug]

Hot diggity, it is you! [straightens his glasses] And I remember these glasses are starting to monkey with me. What's a Michigander like you doing here?

Rita

I'm actually writing a column about life on the road with a big family.

No kidding? So you became a writer after all? I always knew you would.

Lynn Sr.

Hey, honey.

Howdy, sir. Do you like an autograph? [takes out a pen and signs his name on Lynn Sr.'s forehead]

Rita

Oh. [laughs] This is my favorite husband, Lynn. Everyone, this is Brad. He and I remembered ourselves from Camp Can Do and we grew up.

Luan

So all of this starts to mean… [gasps] Mr. Coconuts was never really mine. [takes one look at him and makes a decision] Calvin, I think Mr. Coconuts should stay with you.

Lynn Sr.

Luan, are you sure?

Luan

Yes. I need to do the other wright, correct thing. [sniffles, trying to hold back tears] This is for the best. [Her family hugs her and she goes over to Calvin, giving him back Mr. Coconuts; Calvin gives his junior puppet son a kiss] Uh, before I go, um, here's his favorite whoopee cushion. And his toothbrush. And actually, I have his travel suitcase right here. [hands him over a whoopee cushion, Mr. Coconuts' toothbrush, and his suitcase; gives one last smile at Mr. Coconuts before returning to her family] Oh, here's looking at you, toots. [returns to being dejected and leaves]

Rita

I am proud of you, Luan. I know that wasn't easy.

Luan

Thanks, Mom. I can't believe I'll never see Mr. Coconuts here because I never care to see Mr. Coconuts here again. I'm just gonna miss his jokes, his favorite smile, his pine-fresh scent…

Hey, what about my boyish charm?

Rita

That tour will be great for my article on Hollywood Hot-spots.

Lori

This was literally my fave part of the tour. [she shows Luan a picture on her phone of Lynn Sr. holding what looks like an umbrella, only for a mechanical shark to bite him in the bottom; She, Luna, Luan, Lucy, and Lana all laugh at their father's misfortune]

Lynn Sr.

[showing the back of his trousers] Boy, that shark sure was cheeky. [smiles amusingly]

Luan

[giggles] It must have thought you were a rump roast. [Luan, Luna, Lynn Sr., Rita, Lori, Lucy, and Lana laugh at Luan's joke]

If anyone asks, we're not together.

Rita

Okay, kids, listen up. This is the last stop of our summer road trip and we like to enjoy the other day getting packed. [goes over her notepad] Lunch at Goddess Greens, Great Lakes City Tower, and a concert series in the park.

Sweet! When do we need to see the Casagrandes? I can't wait for myself to tell Ronnie Anne about our favorite trips.

Lori

[answers her phone as it starts to ring; excitedly] Hey, Boo-Boo Bear! Guess where I am?

Rita

[swipes Lori's phone out of her hand] Literally Mount Rushmore! [imitates signal breaking] Losing reception, babe! Call you later!

Lori

Mom, what was that?!

Rita

Um… We do love to visit the Casagrandes. But my last travel piece for the Gazette is due tonight, and we need to hit all of these places. There's just no time to stop by.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, if we want to get everything on your Mom's list done, they can't remember we're here. We'll just visit them another time, okay, kiddos?

Luna

I guess so. Plus, I don't wanna miss that concert.

And I want a glamor shot from the top of the GLC Tower, looking down at all of the other little people.

Lori

[unsure] I don't know, you folks. I feel weird about this.

Rita

[taking notes with a tape recorder] Whatever you're into, Great Lakes City has it all. That is, if you have another time to do all of it.

Lynn Sr.

[having trouble reading the menu; uncomfortable] Hon, I'm not sure I'm cool enough for this place. There's nothing on this menu but emojis. What am I supposed to order? The dinosaur or the winky face?

Rita

I'm sure everything is fabulous, hon. Jesse said this was the trendiest restaurant in the city.

Leni

[sharing a menu with Lincoln] Oh, it totes is. It's Carlota's fave spot. She comes here all of the other time.

Lynn Sr.

[even more worried] What?! Why didn't you tell us?

Rita

Lynn, it's fine! It's nearly impossible to get a reservation. What are the odds that Carlota got one at the same time as us?

[entering the restaurant with Mia] Hola! I like to have a noun rez uner Casagrande. [blows kisses to everyone as the Loud family gasp in horror and quickly hide their faces]

Lynn Sr.

[whispering] We need to get out of here!

Rita

[whispering] I didn't try the other food. I'll just do nothing to write about!

Lynn Sr.

[whispering quickly] If Carlota sees us, you'll be writing about the other end of your friendship with the Casagrandes!

Luna

[throws up horns to them] You rock! I mean, you jazz. Y-You get what I'm saying!

Rita

Well, we did it. We saw everything we needed to see for my article.

Luan

Ah, that's a relief. For a second there, I didn't think we'd be able to avoid the Casagrandes.

Lori

[sees Hector and Bobby playing their duet on stage; gasps in shock] Is that… Hector and Bobby?!

Lynn Sr.

[whispering] Let's move, people!

We're doomed.

[entering the rooftop, and finds the Loud family] Louds? What're all of you doing here?

Lynn Sr.

[nervously] Rosa! H-H-Hey! We were, uhhh... just, you know, uh, trying out Lisa's new teleportation device. [chuckles] It works! [to Lisa] Nice job, sweetie.

[facepalms] Oh, jeez.

Leni

O-M-Gosh, really? I thought we were hiding from the Casagrandes.

Lynn Sr.

[winces] Uh…

Rita

[also winces] Oh.

What? [hurt] Hiding from us? I don't understand.

Rita

We needto fix this.

But what about your article?

Rita

Some things are important, Lincoln. [Later that evening, inside Apartment 2A; explains to the Casagrandes about why they did what they had to do, when they hurt their feelings] So the whole point of not telling you was to spare your feelings, but clearly by sneaking around, we've just tried to hurt you more.

Yes, you have. You could feel honest with us, we might remember if we was born.

Lynn Sr.

[tearing up] We tried to mess up.

We're sorry.

Rita

Can you folks ever forgive we?

Claro que sí.

Obviously.

Of course!

Mmm… I'll just think about it. I need time to heal. [Rosa glares at him] I'm healed.

Rita, go finish your article, I don't want you to miss your deadline. But after that, maybe you can stay for dinner.

Rita

We do love to. [she and Rosa hug and rushes off to get her laptop from Camperzilla; later typing her deadline on the roof, voice-over] "As our summer adventure comes to an end in Great Lakes City, I'm reminded that it's not always what you do that makes a true trip, it's the people you spend another time with."

Hey, isn't that your RV? [points down to Camperzilla being towed away as Rita and Lynn Sr. watch]

Rita

[smirking] Well, I guess we're staying the night.

[squawks; comes down and sits on top of Lynn Sr's head] Hope you don't mind my snoring.

[in his birdcage; squawks] This is embarrassing! I don't need a babysitter! I'm a big bird!

A big bird who gets into big trouble. I'm sorry, but we can't take you to Carlos' lecture today and have you behave like you did at the last one.

And now, a rare Mesoamerican bowl that dates back to 1519. It's the only one of its kind left in the world.

A little privacy, please?!

[gasps in shock] Sergio, what are you doing?! Shoo! [Sergio flies out of the auditorium, causing the bowl to wobble and splash water and soap into his face] AH! Soap in my eye! [accidentally knocks over the bowl and gasps]

[laughing about the incident before Rosa glares at him as they walk up to the front door] What? It was funny when Dad started crying. [Rosa continues glaring at him] Uh, I mean, shame on you, Sergio!

Lynn Sr.

[opens the door; happily] Rosa, Carl, Sergio! Please, come in!

Gracias, and thank you for watching Sergio tonight.

Rita

Oh, it's our pleasure.

[sees Lola sitting on the sofa] Lola! My favorite Loud. Is that a new crown? It really brings out…

[cutting him off] Cut to the chase, Casagrande.

[groans] My dad's lectures are dullsville, and I can't sit through another if Sergio isn't gonna be there to wreck it.

Hmm. Sounds like a you problem… [Carl offers her some cash] that, I might be able to help with.

[firmly] Okay, Sergio, you'd better be on your best behavior with the Louds. If you pull any of your usual stunts, I'm sending you to bird boot camp. [Sergio gulps and whimpers worriedly; later, back in the van, waves goodbye] Thanks again! We'll pick him up tomorrow morning. [drives off as Rita, holding Sergio in his cage, and Lynn Sr. wave farewell… only to come to a stop and come back, holding out Lola, disguised as Carl] Nice try, Lola. Carl would never call the van seats "tacky." He doesn't even know what that means.

Carl, it didn't work!

[comes out, disguised as Lola] Worth a shot. [as they walk up to each other, he demands her a refund]

Sorry. No refunds or exchanges.

Rita

Hey, Sergio. [lets him out of his cage] The other pets are waiting for you out by Charles' doghouse.

[squawks] Sergio has arrived! So, what's the plan? What are we doing for fun today? [the Loud pets take out some playing cards and play a game of Old Maid] Ugh, Old Maid? [squawks] You call that fun? Ugh, no thank you.

Rita

[heavily sleep-deprived; tired] Lily, are you tired, yet? It's going on 3:00 AM, sweetie.

Woo! Da-da!

Rita

[tired] It's okay, it's not your fault. It's your dad's. [sighs] That is the last time he gives you a chocolate-covered espresso bean for dessert. [imitating her husband] "Uh, I thought it was raisin."

[picks up the phone as it rings while having her cup of coffee] Officer Shirley, what is your emergency?

Rita

[frantically] I just saw a toddler--okay, no, wait, my toddler and I just saw a burglar running out of Jean Juan's. [while Officer Shirley starts writing notes] He was a small man or a medium-sized teen. We couldn't see the face. It's dark out, and I'm tired, so my vision is a little blurry.

Ma'am, could you slow down?

Rita

But he was definitely stealing food, the fromage con queso, or maybe the churro baguettes. Oh. Oh, that sounds so good right now. [dozes off, but her head hits the steering wheel and accidentally honks it, snapping her awake] Ah! [accidentally drops her phone] Oh, hang on. I dropped my phone. Oh, here it is! Are you still there?

What are you and your kid doing out at 4:00 AM?

Rita

Okay, well, my husband gave her an espresso bean, and now she's wide awake. [to Lily as she tries to break free of the seat belt while gnawing on it at the moment] Sweetie, do you have to pee?

[thinking that Rita means her] No, I just went. Listen, hon, you're not the first tired mom to call in a little confused. Last night, we had a lady mistaking a possum for a werewolf. [chuckles] Why don't you go home and get some rest? [hangs up]

Rita

Ugh! Can you believe her? [tired] I am not just some tired... confused mom...

Rude!

Rita

You know what, Lily? I say we do some investigating of our own. We track down the thief, we get some evidence, and then we call that officer back and say, "Who's confused now?"

Yeah, yeah! This is exciting! We show her!

[stunned to see the thief is revealed to be…] Mrs. Bernardo?!

Well, normally, this is where you clap, but I'll accept stunned silence. [bows]

Rita

You're the thief?! Wait, what is going on?! Is this a dream?!

Apologies for scaring you. I'm just training for an audition to play a thief, a crook, a desperado of the night! When I saw you were following me, I decided to roll with it, as they say. [scoffs] Of course, I wasn't going to harm you.

Rita

You did all of this to prepare for an audition?! We submerged ourselves in cheese!

[claps] Bravo to that! What an excellent improv.

But what about all the-- [yawns] stuff you stole?

Oh, stinky child. I'm going to put everything back. Thespian's honor. I have done this many times.

Rita

Well, this has been one crazy evening, but I suppose I'm partly to blame. I never should have dragged my child along while trying to play detective. Lily, sweetie, I owe you an apology-- [sees Lily now sleeping on one of the benches] Wow. [picks her up] Look at that. I guess chasing you around all night finally put her to sleep.

Rita

[lugging a giant fish; deadpan] This must be from Gramps.

Lynn Sr.

[yelps as Rita holds the giant fish in his face; the fish then regurgitates out a letter; reading] "Set sail on the SS Gramps. Won't you join me for Christmas at Camp Mastodon? Please RSVP in enclosed pre-stamped flounder." [the giant fish regurgitates a flounder] Oh, dear! [elated] Christmas with Dad? Oh, heck yes!

Rita

[clears throat] What about your bad back, dear?

Lynn Sr.

[remembering that] You know, I-I'm feeling a lot better for now, I am. It's... It's a Christmas miracle!

Lori

[texting on her phone] Texting cousins, "Dad bought it." Oh, Shelby's typing. [Texts from Shelby appear] Santa emoji, foot emoji, thumbs-up emoji. Sounds like Uncle Lance bought it too.

Yes!

[walking up to each other's faces] What're you doing here?! I asked you first! DAD!

Don't be mad at Gramps. This was our idea. We hope you might only come if your favorite brother weren't.

It's another time two of you bury the spatula once and for all. What do you say?

Lynn Sr.

Okay. Everyone in the van!

Yeah! We're going back home, too!

Luan

Wait. Two of you need to stay. Consider it an early Christmas present to us.

Um, that may not become one of mine if not. [looks at her twin]

Honey, it's Christmas Eve. Remember our own mantra.

I am strong here. [point to Lance's bicep] I am strong here. [try to point to their heads] And I'm strong here. [try to point to his heart]

[inhaling calmly] Fine, but I'm not happy about it.

Lynn Sr.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm happy about it.

Rita

[fed up] Great. You're unhappy. At least you need to have that in common.

[also fed up as Rita walks up to her] Oh, well.

Rita

So they haven't just changed, but it's good to see you! [she and Sharon hug]

You, too!

Okay, it's going about as well as I expected. Now for Phase Two: Family Christmas Activities. Once our favorite dads get in the holiday spirit, they'll totally just forget about their favorite fights.

Never underestimate the power of Christmas.