Rita quotes from The Loud House

[surprised] Dude, that Chandler's a real jerk.

Yeah, he is. But he doesn't bother me, and that's the whole point. I mean, at first he really got to me, but the more I ignored him, the easier it got. Plus, why should I care what he has to say? I'm doing what I love. And that's all that matters.

Rita

And if you can handle Chandler, I think we can handle our critics. Right, everyone?

Luna

Totally.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, I guess so.

Rita

Oh, honey, you must've been so delirious you trashed the house! I had no idea you were this sick. You need to get to bed immediately. [the porch then collapses, sending both her and her husband to the ground] But not here. Kids, come on. We have to go.

Lynn Sr.

Ah! Move to Canada. Smart. Chirpy won't find us there. [chuckles]

Rita

No. We'll stay with Aunt Ruth until the house is repaired. She'll be happy to help nurse you back to health. I should warn you, though, she'll want to show you her Malls of the Midwest slideshow.

Rita

[to her husband after Lisa leaves the kitchen, carrying the orange vase, mistaking it for the orange juice] Have you noticed Lisa's been acting a little off this week?

Pardon me, Father. [third flashback shows her sitting on the stairs while stroking a skunk] Good boy, Cliff. Good boy.

Leni

Uh, Lisa, that's not Cliff.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, she needs new glasses.

Lynn Sr.

What the heck is going on in here?

We really messed up.

Yeah, after you guys left, we busted up the living room.

Leni

Then we tried to clean up but lost the furniture and ended up running all over town to get it back.

Hence our overactive eccrine glands, street name…

Lynn Sr.

Sweatiness, we know. Look, I'm not jazzed about the cover-up, but at least you guys tried to make things right.

Rita

And this is a big family, mishaps come with the territory. It's the law of the Loud house.

Preach, Mother, preach.

Luna

Still, we're so sorry about the couch, dudes.

Rita

Maybe you should come see what's outside.

Rita

Lana, what are you hiding? Is that another note from Principal Huggins about bathing more frequently?

No, he gave up on that. [takes the invitation out of her hat] It's an invitation to a sleepover my friend Kayla's having. But as all of you know, I'm really bad at sleepovers.

Rita

Oh, honey. You're not bad at them. You just… never made it through one.

I always get so homesick.

Rita

You broke our vase again?! [The Loud siblings all smile, not caring] And you're happy about it?

Lynn Sr.

[sternly] Okay, that is it. Everyone is grounded for two months!

Okay, Lola, do you have a scratching post to trade for a bag of litter and some catnip?

[chuckles] Oh, sweetie. You have to do better than that. I'm not trading for anything less than a diamond-encrusted cat collar.

Rita

Lola, take it easy on Myrtle. It's her first family game night.

Oh, I don't mind. I'm just so happy to be included.

Rita

[sits on Lola's bed] Lola, sweetie, it seems like your sweet tooth is getting out of hand. Maybe it's another time to take a little break from treats.

A little break from treats? [scoffs] Please. It's not like I need to have a problem at all.

Rita

You're eating a lollipop anyhow.

What? [removes a lollipop from her mouth which she is indeed eating] Who put that there?

Lynn Sr.

Rita? Whose RV is this?

Rita

Ours! At least for the summer. Earlier today, I was in Jesse's office at the Gazette.

[on the phone] Here's the cover story, Linda: Travel writer does column about manure farms in Michigan. Editor Jesse Hiller, furious! Nobody wants to read about cow doo-doo over their morning coffee. Well, I've just been handed this news update: YOU'RE FIRED! [angrily hangs up] Oh, what am I gonna do, Rita? Wanted: Someone to write our summer travel column. Someone willing to hit the road, zigzagging the country in an RV, all expenses paid, willing to start extra, extra soon!

So does this mean…?

Rita

Yep, and she's letting me write the column! What do you say? You folks up for a summer-long adventure?

Finally, I'll escape this fourth-rate town!

[dismayed] How can it be out of business?!

What a shocker, huh? Who isn't into a bunch of creepy, old tchotchkes?

Rita

Aw, I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Lynn Sr.

Look on the bright side, kiddo. We've begun with a big summer ahead of us. I bet we'll find a mummy somewhere else cuz we want to find a mummy somewhere else!

[overhearing Lincoln, realizing he stole the Mummy's cursed ring and cursed the family] MOM! Lincoln stole a ring from the Mystic Mummy of Mystery and cursed our family!

Luna

Oh, come on!

Lori

Seriously?!

Way to go, Lincoln!

Bad Lincoln!

Not to mention the ring is tacky. [lightning strikes close to where she's standing] Sorry, Mr. Mystic Mummy of Mystery, sir!

Folks, I'm sorry. It was a honest mistake. Can't I just put it back?

Unfortunately, no. According to my spell book, once you put the ring on, you activated the curse.

Lynn Sr.

[dismayed] Well, that's just great! I guess we're cursed for life for now! Check that off the old bucket list!

Not necessarily. According to this, there is one way to lift the curse. We'll be able to make an offering to the spirit of the mummy cuz we wanna make an offering to the spirit of the mummy. But we'll gather ingredients for a potion first cuz we want to gather ingredients for a potion first.

Rita

I'm sorry. We do not need to have many times for that. We need to get to that barrel race. That mummy is just gonna wait. [tries to head back to Camperzilla, reaches for the door, but lightning strikes, knocking her back on her back] Okay, offering it is.

[sits up] Folks, it worked!

Lynn Sr.

[chuckles] Well, may you look at that if you people like to look at that? The Louds conquered a very ancient curse! Go, us!

Rita

[realizes] Just one problem. [checks her watch] We've only forgotten 30 minutes to get to Niagra Falls in time for the Barrel Day competition! We'll never make it cuz we never want to make it!

Rita

It's amazing that Jesse got us VIP tour passes to the White House! Are you kids excited back there?

I know I am! I read that the White House has its own bowling-alley.

I hear there's a whole room devoted to ice cream sundaes.

I can't wait to see the dresses worn by all the First Ladies.

Lynn Sr.

I'm excited to take a real peek at that kitchen. I bet they have wooden spatulas dating back to the 1800s. Oh, I can just imagine all the splinters I'm gonna get!

And that concludes our own tour. I'm surprised. I expected you to be trouble, but you were all well-behaved. Eh, too bad for me. I didn't get to let the dog out. [snarls at the Louds again in bulldog mode] Alright, please make your way to the White House exit. [leaves]

That is one strange little man.

Rita

Kids, I'm sorry you didn't get the tour you hoped for, but I'm proud of you for being very good. Now, who wants to hit the hotel pool?

Wait! We can't leave. There's one little problem. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Bowling Room, she accidentally tosses a bowling ball so hard, it breaks the wooden floor of a bowling lane and gasps in horror]

Actually, two little problems. [Flashback to her in the sundae room, she accidentally breaks off the handle of the ice cream dispenser, causing the ice cream to overflow]

Make that three little problems? [chuckles sheepishly; Flashback to her in the First Ladies' Boutique, she struts all over the floor, then trips, accidentally ripping the dress's bottom half off and gasps in horror]

Rita

[shocked and angry at all] Seriously?! I can't believe three of you!

Luna

Uh, make that four. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Music Room, she tries to rock out with a golden guitar and accidentally snaps off one of the strings]

Five. [Flashback to him in the President's office, he spins around in the president's swivel chair, accidentally spinning out of another whole control and hits a bust of Abraham Lincoln, trying to cause it to fall onto the ground and break into pieces, and gulps in horror]

Rita

Kids, how could you?! Your own favorite father and I are very disappointed, aren't we, honey?

Lynn Sr.

Uh… [sheepishly chuckles] Well, um… [Flashback to him in the kitchen, humming a tune as he plays with a spatula, then accidentally flings it into the president's birthday cake, which collapses]

Rita

[sharped] Lynn!

Lynn Sr.

You'll just enjoy plenty of times to yell at me later, Rita, before the Bulldog tries to track us down and sends us to the dungeon forever!

He's not gonna do that cuz he doesn't wanna let us sneak back in and fix everything before he notices.

[to the viewers while playing video games with Lana] You know, I'm really getting used to life on the whole road. Living with the bare essentials isn't very bad.

You said it.

Lori

[relaxing her favorite body and her on a massage chair; voice vibrating] RV living is literally the life for us. [Camperzilla suddenly comes to a halt; notices] Why're we stopping?

Rita

Very exciting news. For my next piece in the travel series, we are going to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado cuz we want to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado.

Cool.

Definitely rocky.

Luna

Sweet.

Rita

[pulls the blinds again after Lori shuts them] No, I meant we're going outside for an invigorating 10-mile hike! You folks love it!

Nah.

Luna

I'm good.

You folks have fun.

Lynn Sr.

[enters, wearing Lincoln's blue convincing suit, that's too tight for him; strained] Come on, fam.

Hmm… Is that my convincing suit?