RRaj
Oh, my God! This tomato is amazing! I can eat it like an apple.
RWDr. Robert Wolcott
The secret is I fertilze it with my own manure.
[Raj stops eating]
The look on your face.
It's a sort of grin. You wanna know which kind?
S11 E20The Reclusive Potential
S11 E21The Comet Polarization
What are you doing?
Pigeon check for Sheldon. All clear on the north side!
Okay, let's look at some planets!
I've learned to accept change.
Since when?
Since Amy changed her shampoo from Prell to Prell for oily hair. Although I miss how her head used to slide off the pillow. [walks to the counter]
Hello, can I help you?
Who are you?
I'm Denise, the new assistant manager.
Nope! [Drops the comic book and runs out]
S11 E22The Monetary Insufficiency
Speaking of fashion, I'm going to ask the university for money. What should I wear?
I can lend you a bra that gets me free drinks.
How much money are you asking for?
Five hundred million dollars.
I'd go no bra.
I can't believe you threw me under the bus like that!
I know! Crazy, right?
Do you know how that makes me look?
I do. Terrible!
What happened to keeping a united front?
I'm sorry, is this your first day being a girl?
S11 E23The Sibling Realignment
Okay, so each welcome bag gets a schedule of events, a map, and chocolate from me. And from Sheldon, a bottle of Purell, the number for Poison Control in case someone accidentally drinks the Purell, and a laminated table of elements because the American school system is a failure.
How many out of town guests are there gonna be?
I'm actually not sure. Turns out Sheldon didn't invite his brother.
Mm. Now it's starting to sound like a wedding.
And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.
Ooh, now it's starting to sound like a good wedding.
So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Yes, and apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.
We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just some loser who sells tires?
You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.
S11 E24The Bowtie Asymmetry
Now we got a lot of family coming in tomorrow. I'm gonna need everyone's help. Think of this as one of your comic book movies. There's a bunch of superheroes, each with a different task.
RRaj
Oh, like the new Avengers
Which one was that?
The one you slept through last weekend.
Ah. That was a good nap.
I think it's more like, uh,... like Lord of the Rings, and you're the Fellowship. Someone's gotta go to Gondor, someone's gotta go to Mordor, someone's gotta hold off the Demon of Shadow and Flame.
You mean the Balrog?
I mean my mother.
[Sheldon and Amy's wedding vows]
Sheldon, when I was a little girl, I used to dream about my wedding. But, eventually, I stopped because... I thought that day would never come. And then I met you. From the first moment in that coffee shop, I knew that there was something special between us. Even though I did work on a study that disproved love at first sight.... Clearly, it was wrong. Because I felt something that day. And those feelings have only gotten stronger with time. I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now, but I felt that way yesterday. And the day before yesterday. And the day before that.... Sheldon, I don't know what the future holds. But I know that I've never been happier than I am, in this moment, marrying you.
Amy,... I usually know exactly what to say. But in this moment,... I have no words. I guess... I'm overwhelmed by you.... Even if I can't tell you now how I feel, I will spend my life showing you how much I love you. [puts the ring on Amy's finger]
S12 E1The Conjugal Configuration
Good morning, wife.
Good morning, husband. I can't believe we're actually married.
It's official. According to tradition we should hang the bed sheets outside so the Villagers can see that we consummated. [makes his way over to the curtains]
I don't think that's appropriate considering where we're starting our Honeymoon.
Well, I suppose you're right... [opens the curtains, revealing Legoland California outside] Although when you think about it, Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress; two pieces that interlock together with a satisfying snap.
Oh, that's the sound you were making.
Oh, I almost forgot. While you were sleeping I ordered room service.
Really?!
[lifts the lid off the plate, revealing bacon, eggs, and pancakes made out of Legos.] Viola! You thought it was going to be food, didn't you?
I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them, and you'll grow cold and distant and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled long Shore man.
Where would I find a long Shore man?
Along the Shore. It's in the name.
Sheldon, I couldn't be with anybody but you.
That's good to know. I wouldn't want to have to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.
How's this for a compromise; make all the schedules you want. Just don't tell me about them.
Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule. And do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Come with me.
Where are we going?
To the hotel room. And when we get there I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.
S12 E2The Wedding Gift Wormhole
So, do you know what it is?
BBert
Of course I know what it is. It's a silicon dioxide crystal, also known as quartz.
Are you sure?
BBert
Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic extrusive of igneous rock formed by the rapid cooling of magnesium and iron-rich lava? Yeah, I'm sure.
"I heart New York". Aw, the baby's gonna love throwing up on this.
it doesn't have to just be New York. That's the beauty of it. Uh, the initials "NY" can stand for anything you like. For instance, I understand that there is an elderly rock-and-roll musician named Neil Young. Perhaps you heart him. [pause] Or if not him, Egyptian table tennis silver medalist Noha Yossry. Or Nana Yamaguchi, the Japanese voice actress who starred in Sally the Witch.
RRaj
Did you just Google the initials "NY"?
I had Wi-Fi and a long plane flight. Draw your own conclusions.
S12 E3The Procreation Calculation
Wanna see my room?
Yeah.
Cool.
[They head off]
How do you feel about this?
She can clearly do better, but that's not for me to say.
No. Them in his room. Doing stuff.
C'mon. We're sitting right out here. They're not going to do anything. [As soon as that's out of his mouth, suddenly Sade's "Smooth Operator" starts playing loudly from his room] I'd like to change my answer.
Hey. Wait a minute, what about us? I mean, we're married now. Maybe we want to buy the house next door.
Well, Amy, we can't move. I'd have to change all the tags in my underwear.
You can buy new ones.
New house, new underwear. What am I, in the Witness Protection Program?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.