The Big Bang Theory · Season 9
So what package were you thinking?
Well this one comes with music and flowers. Oh, and they even stream the whole thing live on the internet.
Why would we want that?
Cause there's a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don't believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist? Let's give them hope.
Whatever. Put us on the internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.
Don't send it back yet. Your sister's married and I'm not letting your brother give my grandmother's ring to that whore he's dating.
Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?
When your idiot brother redeems mankind he can date whoever he wants.
The show must go on, and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.
Why are marine biologists always so cute?
I don't know, but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda Triangle.
That's not helpful.
Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.
Are you done?
Not yet, this is fun! Ooh, I know... I'd let her free my Willy.
[Leonard gets up]
Where are you going?
Going to ask her if she'd be willing to talk to Penny. Tell her she has nothing to worry about.
Leonard wait.
What?
I'd like to spongebob her squarepants.
Now we are done.
I bet he picked up a lot of cute grad students in this bad boy.
And talked about physics with them!
[The boys are performing percussive shock to the tune of “We Will Rock You.]
[Singing in the tune of “We Will Rock You”] We will, we will percussive shock you! [Leonard and Raj join in for the second chorus.] We will, we will percussive shock you!
[Sheldon begins singing the verse to “We Will Rock You” in falsetto while Leonard, Howard, and Raj watch in bewilderment.]
I have an eidetic memory; sometimes it can be a curse.
Blue Icees and a trip to the container store? It's like I died and went to the postmortem neuron induced hallucination commonly mistaken as heaven.
I still don't understand why you bought that pill caddy, you're a young man.
Age is a state of mind, Leonard. In here, I'm 90.
I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until that evil wizard gave him a heart.
I don't think that was the point of the movie.
Fine! I was like Pinocchio who that jerk Geppetto went and made him a real boy.
There you go.
Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.
That's not why we're here.
Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.
And maybe a little Princess Bride.
Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride! That's my answer!
Excuse me, Barry?
Yes?
When can I stab one of my friends?
In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.
Be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you do this for me?
Yes.
No chance.
What are you doing?
He said be honest, so I was honest. Didn't your mother tell you? It's the best policy.
What was wrong with that guy?
Um, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.
Hey Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much. It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life journey began in my hero's scrotum.
[quietly aside to Adam Nimoy] I told you this guy is gold.
[Sheldon is showing the valuables he keeps in his lock box]
[bringing out each item] My passport. My Wil.
You have a will?
Yeah, my one-eighteenth scale Wil Wheaton action figure. Yeah, I also have the other kind of will, and in it, I will my Wil back to Wil.
Will Wil want it?
Wil won't.
Some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
