TV show quotes
If Tam knows what he did, we can just ask him. He's gonna be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.
Won't that make Sheldon mad?
Everything makes Sheldon mad.
Yeah. Look at his list. Jim Henson for, quote, "putting a terrifying, giant yellow bird on television and in my nightmares."
Hey, watcha doing?
[on his laptop] Improving our wedding photos.
Oh, that's nice. Wait, I'm still in them, right?
Of course. And not only you. I've added some guests who couldn't be there.
[sitting down and looking at the screen] Who's that next to my father?
The Wright brothers.
And why are they at our wedding?
Orville, because I admire him; Wilbur, because he was Orville's plus-one.
What were you guys giggling about?
They were passing notes to each other.
Oh-ho, love notes?
If you love math.
And we do.
It's for our super-asymmetry theory.
Yeah, Amy and I have been having so much fun collaborating together.
Well, you know what they say, you never collaborate as much as your first year of marriage.
So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform?
About a week ago.
Really? What was the occasion?
Date night. We do a little role-playing.
What role do you play?
[using Russian accent] I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.
Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.
[dressed like Sheldon, imitating him] Hello.
Hello.
I see you are dressed as Doc Brown from Back to the Future. May I assume that Amy is going as his wife, Clara Clayton, from Back to the Future Part III?
She is. [looks at Howard] Did you do something different to your hair?
Yes.
Looking good.
Oh, my God, you look amazing.
[dressed as "Kuth" Bader Ginsburg] I find you guilty of murder, because you are killing it!
[imitating Sheldon] Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter. They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.
[seeing Leonard and Raj laughing] Why are you laughing? His statement was factually correct.
Wait, you can make this decision. You don't care if you upset people. You can pick for me.
I certainly could.
Oh, great.
But I won't. I think this is a learning opportunity for you.
Sheldon, come on.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I upset you?
Yes.
Ask me how I feel about that.
Hey, don't freak out, but I think there's someone in your playhouse.
Oh. Yeah, that's just Bernadette. She's been hiding out in there all week.
Really? Why?
I don't know. She's been a little overwhelmed at work. And, frankly, me and the kids are a lot. She just needs some downtime.
And you just pretend like you don't know?
Sure. That's how marriage works. Three years ago, I told her I got life insurance, and I totally didn't. Someday, she's gonna find out. I'm gonna say, "Ha-ha! I know you've been hiding in the playhouse."
Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?
Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.
Why?
Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.
Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.
Really? My parents love Leonard.
Yeah. And my mother loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.
You're up early.
Huh? Yes. I wanted to get a jump on planning a day of fun for you.
Oh, that's sweet. What are we doing?
Oh, no, just you. I have other plans. Now, would you prefer to see The Grinch in 2D or 3D?
I don't wanna see it at all.
Well, let's go 2D. No sense in spending extra money.
What are you gonna be doing?
Being a great husband.
Yeah, you're gonna need to show your work on that.
You're probably wondering why I put you through this.
You mean the last two minutes or the last twenty years?
Why can't we get a grad student to do it?
We can't trust our paper to a millennial. They'll put unicorn emojis all over it and post it on social media.
Why would they do that?
Economic anxiety, too much avocado toast, who knows?
Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Symmetry.
Asymmetry.
Oh, SimCity. Sounds too much like symmetry.
That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.
Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.
Uh, also, no talk of Rocky IV.
Why Rocky IV?
Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.
Is that your dad?
It is.
I've only seen pictures of him.
[on the tape] I know we're down, by a lot. And if I'm being honest with you, we're probably not gonna win this one. In fact, we're definitely not gonna win this one.
Do you want me to turn it off?
But we're not gonna quit, either. And if we do lose, you need to know that doesn't make you losers. You learn as much about who you are and what you're made of from failing as you do from success. Maybe more. So you can spend the next half feeling sorry for yourselves, or you can get out there and give 'em hell.
Yeah! Let's give 'em hell!
Oh... watch your mouth, your mom might...
[pausing the tape] I remember that game.
Did they win?
Oh, no. No, they lost so bad, the other team let one of their cheerleaders try to kick a field goal.
Champagne, a champagne, a champagne with a packet of Splenda in it.
You know what I call this drink?
A waste of champagne?
No. A Dr. Cooper. Because...
He is also sweet and bubbly.
A toast to Sheldon and Amy and the publication of your super-asymmetry paper. We are so proud of you guys. Cheers.
Thanks.
Yay.
Ooh! That is PhD-licious.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
