Sheldon Cooper quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon

O Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.

Sheldon

I've spent the past three-and-a-half years staring at greaseboards full of equations; before that, I spent four years working on my thesis; before that, I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade.

Sheldon

Engineering--where the semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello Oompa-Loompas of science.

Sheldon

What could I have possibly done to insult Mrs. Vartabedian?

Sheldon

That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0,0,0,0].

Sheldon

What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

Sheldon

No, Mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc, ergo propter hoc. [lowers his voice] No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.

Sheldon

[about his appearance on NPR] My mother is very excited. She's convening her Bible study group to listen in and then pray for my soul.

Sheldon

I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.

Sheldon

Help me! Come back! Penny!

Sheldon

[after scaring Leonard] Bazinga, punk! Now we're even!

Sheldon

I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle-bunny!

Sheldon

I help the weak. It's yet another way I'm exactly like Batman.

Sheldon

I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood?

Sheldon

I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?

Sheldon

Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood?

Sheldon

Oh, come on. I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?

Sheldon

Alright. An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing minor edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice!