The Big Bang Theory · Season 8
Sherlock Holmes always says when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Now, have-have you tried doing that?
Nope.
Well, maybe you should. Th-th-there's lots of books called "Sherlock Holmes" and there's no books called "Officer Hernandez."
HEY! Look who's back!
Your hair is different. You changed your hair? I can't take this, I'm out.
I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
What a sick use of science.
Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersoldier is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
I'm stimulating the pleasures of this starfish. I just need to turn it off.
What happens if you don't?
Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.
[Howard gets ready to "pitch" on the game console]
You suck Wolowitz!
What's that about?
I'm heckling you. It's a beloved part of baseball.
Did you enjoy my lecture?
No, and neither did our waiter.
Well, if you're going to serve Cornish game hen you should either be familiar with the history of Cornwall or be prepared to learn it.
It's hard to argue with that. And I know because I saw a sad man with a pepper mill desperately try and fail.
[They enter the apartment]
Hey, how was dinner?
Good, I had Cornish game hen.
Oh, that poor waiter.
Hey, I hear you're a dermatologist.
Yeah, I'm a resident at Huntington Hospital.
Oh, I like their emergency room. Even if it turns out you don't have Dengue fever, they still let you take a lollipop.
All I know is he's getting my mother buying 4-ply toilet paper. 4-ply! If his butt is so delicate, why doesn't he just use an Angora rabbit?
For starters, they shed and bite.
Maybe we have lost our focus.
It wouldn't kill us to get together and brainstorm ideas.
Oooh... We could have one of those retreats.
Like our own science retreat.
My cousin has a cabin out in the woods.
I'm not going to a cabin in the woods. Did you see the movie Cabin in the Woods?
Then we'll go to a hotel.
A hotel? Did you see The Shining?
We could go up to Big Bend, get a house on the lake.
Did you see The Lake House?
Nothing bad happens in The Lake House.
Well no, not to them, to me! Time-traveling mail box. The only time that traveled was an hour and a half of my life down the toilet.
Fine, then we'll just stay here and do it.
Well you didn't suggest a beach house.
You would go to a beach house?
Good Lord no! Have you seen Jaws?
Is "Placed" right?
What do you mean?
Is "Placed" the right tense for something that would have happened in the future of a past that was affected by something from the future?
"Had will have placed" ?
That's my boy.
Are they making fun of us?
Yep.
I miss the old days when I didn’t know.
Hey, Sheldon, you busy?
I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies.
Don't they lay eggs on a rock?
Now I've got room for another thing.
Bernadette is a successful microbiologist. She should be celebrated for her achievements, not her looks. I mean, what kind of message does that send?
I think the message is, "Check out the rack on that scientist!"
Leonard! Where are your social skills? This man is clearly upset! We should invite him in for a hot beverage.
He tried to score with Penny.
[points at Howard and Raj] So have these two and they're having dinner with us.
You know, if you're not gonna learn how to do this, they make some pretty good clip-ons.
Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on.
Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him.
His name is Alfred, and, yes, he does.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
