The Big Bang Theory Season 11 quotes

Will you marry me? [his phone rings] One moment, please.

[incredulous] Really? You're gonna answer that right now?

It's Leonard. I don't want to be rude.

Hey, where you been? We've been calling you for hours.

Oh, I'm sorry. My phone was on "airplane" mode.

Why?

Because I was on an airplane. [gives Amy a "duh" look]

Hey, where are you?

I came to Princeton to see Amy. It's a funny story, actually. I was having lunch with Dr. Nowitzki, and she kissed me.

Excuse me?

What?

Amy I'm sorry?

And in that moment, I realized that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss for the rest of my life. So I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me.

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Mother, I have some good news to share.

[giddily] We're engaged!

I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised. I've been praying for this.

Well, God had nothing to do with it. It happened because I was kissing another woman, and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.

More than one woman was interested in you? I might have prayed a little too hard.

I want to let you know right now that we are not getting married in a church.

That's all right, Sheldon. Anywhere Jesus is is a church.

Well, he won't be at our wedding.

He's in my heart, so if I'm there, he'll be there.

Okay, well, then he's your plus-one. You don't get to bring anyone else.

That's fine. Love you.

Love you, too. Bye.

[they hang up] Lord, thank you. Even though you can do anything, that was mighty impressive.

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S11 E2The Retraction Reaction

If we weren't physicists, what would we be?

I don't know. Popular?

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JDJanine Davis

I think that you are the smartest physicist at this university.

Really?

JJanine

See? Lies. They're not that hard.

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S11 E3The Relaxation Integration

It's a date. Just pick one.

It's not just a date, it's a textbook optimization problem. There is a perfect date, just like there's a perfect room temperature and a perfect dessert.

There's no perfect dessert.

Yellow cake in the shape of a dinosaur with chocolate frosting, scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side, not touching. You'll see. You'll have it at our wedding.

You wanna bet?

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[Amy has recorded Sheldon talking in his sleep,]

That's me?

It's you.

So you spied on me in my sleep?

Sheldon, I'm sorry. You've been doing this every night. I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something.

Well, it doesn't.

Are you sure? I mean, the prefrontal cortex regulates impulse control. So it's plausible that when we're asleep, aspects of our personality that we repress might come out.

Don't try to put science lipstick on your New Age pig! And for the record, you make noises when you sleep, and I've never accused you of repressing your inner chainsaw! [storms out of the apartment]

If you want me to object at your wedding, just give me one of these. [taps the side of his nose]

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S11 E4The Explosion Implosion

Oh, come on. You can't really be disappointed [about having a baby boy].

Hey, I barely know how to be a man myself. Now I have to teach someone?

As the saying goes, "Those who can't do, teach."

Don't you want a little version of Howard?

Bernadette

I already have a little version of Howard.

Heck, now I'm having a son. I'll have to teach him how to play sports, and watch sports, and-and-and-and-and...

[to Leonard] He just ran out of "Man Things", he's in trouble.

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My mother's texting you?

Yeah, we've been talking a lot lately.

Why? Is she sick of talking to the Magic Mirror on the wall?

No, I think she's lonely. She's been reaching out.

Just be careful. You think you're getting close to her, the next thing you know, you're featured in a book called He's Doing It On Purpose: Raising a Teenage Bedwetter.

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S11 E5The Collaboration Contamination

[Sheldon has gifted Amy with a notebook.]

What is this?

The notes from our quantum cognition project. I thought we could spend the evening grinding away on it.

I just got home. I'm tired.

Of Howard. I know. So how about you and me make some... beautiful science together?

Sheldon, I wanna work on this with you, just not tonight. What if we get up early and do it in the morning? I promise, I'll be way more into it.

You know what? There was a time when you would have been happy to stay up and collaborate all night with me. And then wake up in the morning and do it some more.

[sighs] Fine, but can we make it quick?

[shocked] No. If you have to make me do all the work, then go to bed. But don't be surprised if you walk out here and catch me doing it myself.

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Ugh. Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.

Well, what are you gonna say?

They did just introduce the middle-finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.

No no no, he'll just think that means "Be there in a minute."

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S11 E6The Proton Regeneration

[The gang is discussing Professor Proton's death.]

[to Howard] Don't make jokes. He meant a lot to Sheldon.

Me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.

Aw. I thought you did it just to get girls.

Joke's on you. It worked.

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Hello, Arthur.

Arthur

What part of "Rest in Peace" don't you understand?

I suppose you're here because you heard the news.

Arthur

Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news.

You're a grumpy figment.

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S11 E7The Geology Methodology

I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.

Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me".

They're very different. Physics answers the question "What is the nature of the universe?". Geology answers the question, you know, "What'd I just trip over?".

All right, well, then don't work with Bert.

Oh, but I like the work.

Then work with him.

Yeah, but I'm ashamed of the field.

Then don't work with him.

Yeah, but we could prove dark matter.

Then work with him.

But I just think that people...

How many times are you gonna do this?

My record is fourteen.

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Are you saying that you don't believe two people fall in love?

RRuchi

Of course they do. It's just that what people call "love" is actually a series of biochemical reactions in the brain, that fade over time.

Yes. Like the old song "When a Man Has a Biochemical Reaction For a Woman".

RRuchi

Raj, we're scientists. We don't need to feel threatened just because we understand the mechanisms that give rise to romantic feelings. It doesn't take anything away from the experience.

Yes, it does. Actually, it takes everything away from it. Love isn't just science, okay? It's spiritual. It's an acknowledgement of a mystery that's greater than ourselves. It's what makes people write songs, and poems, and what has kept The Bachelor on TV for twenty-one magical seasons.

RRuchi

Don't you think the fact that love is given away as a prize on a game show slightly undermines your argument?