TV show quotes
[testing to see how well their friends know them] I was talking to my favorite aunt.
Aunt Felda right?
Yeah.
Did she ever figure what that thing on her knee was?
Turned out to be a chocolate chip.
That makes sense, she does love to bake.
She does, you are a thoroughbred!
What are you doing?
Making a boat. When I was a kid, my dad showed me how.
Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.
I'm Rajesh Koothrappali. Thank you for taking a walk with me... through the stars.
That pause seems to get longer every time.
I do believe... you're right.
[Showing a picture on his phone] It's me in bed with a beautiful woman, and my watch showing the time as 2:30 AM.
So, State's Exhibit A?
Howard, I want you to know I forgive you.
Thanks, I'll take it.
Do you even know what he's forgiving you for?
Don't know, don't care. Happy Yom Kippur to me.
I just learned some distressing news. Amy sometimes doesn't do things because it would hurt my feelings.
First of all, it's not sometimes, its always.
Second, it's not just Amy, it's everyone.
And third, it's not news, it's well established.
[first lines as Bernadette wakes Howard up] Howie. Howie, wake up. It's time.
[waking up] Oh. Did your water break?
No.
Are you feeling any contractions?
No.
[she starts to climb out of bed] Wait. Well, where are you going?
To the hospital. Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.
All right, that moves us on to the tactical shipping phase. Penny, I believe as logistics commander, that's you.
Okay. [waving a white napkin] I surrender.
Nice try, Penny. It takes more than everybody not enjoying it to stop a game with Sheldon Cooper.
You know, I'm really happy with our wedding date. The month squared equals the square of the sum of the members of the set of prime factors of the day. Isn't that romantic?
Yes, it's like that Shakespeare sonnet, "Shall I compare thee to a day that's also a really weird math problem?"
Did Albert Einstein ever sit in any of these chairs?
I think these are fairly new. But Stephen Hawking's eaten here a lot.
Yeah, but he brings his own chair, you know?
Oh, Penny, I folded your laundry for you.
That's not mine.
It's not?
No.
[holds up a pair of large pink panties] So you're telling me that this is not yours.
Nope.
So I'm holding a stranger's underpants.
Yeah.
[drops the panties and puts Purell on his hands] And just like that, it's the worst day of my life.
God. What's happening? I'm a smart, educated, successful...
Woman?
I was gonna get it.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Pregnancy and childbirth actually cause physical changes to the structure of your brain.
I liked the old structure of my brain. But then [takes a look at her frame] I liked a lot of my old structures.
Well, these are positive changes. Studies with rats show that new mothers are more sensitive to danger, better at multitasking and bolder in the pursuit of food.
What you got there?
Oh, I grabbed a sandwich at the food truck out front.
Wait, n-now hold on. Tonight is Friday, and I believe you know what that means.
That my fun, young life took a drastic turn somewhere?
No.
But yeah.
No, that means it's Chinese food night.
Yeah, and you have Chinese food, so eat it.
But I can smell your pastrami.
And we can all hear your complaining, so no one's happy.
[relaxing in Howard's jacuzzi] Oh, this is the life. What could be better than this?
If you weren't wearing one of my swimsuits.
I'll give it back.
You know the rule. Once it touches heinie, it's no longer miney.
You're such a prude. Do you know all the things this water's touching right now?
[getting out] Well, I'm relaxed enough.
If Bruce Banner is driving a rental car and turns into the Hulk, do you think it's covered, or does he need to add the Hulk as an additional driver?
You really need a girlfriend.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
