Well, don't be silly! It's nice to have a new friend. Especially one who's so... dirty! [laughs] You know what's fun? [goes to bathroom, where Hyde and Eric are bathing together, Eric looks at his father with a "why?" look]
Well, I have a prank too... One where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go [gets closer to Eric] HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY... WRONG! I can’t even think of a punishment big enough for this! But trust me, it’s going to be awful! The kind of thing that Harry Truman might order to end a war! [walks upstairs]
Speaking of secrets, look what I found in Jackie's cheese. [holds up piece of paper with...] Some guy Phil's phone number. I–I can't take this anymore. I just know it, Hyde. She's cheating on me again!
Hyde
Kelso, don't jump to conclusions. Maybe I don't care! Forman, man, you gotta be cool about this Donna thing, or she's gonna know you're jealous. You can't be all... Simon and Garfunkely. You gotta get Bruce Springsteeny... Springsteenian... Springsteenicious. ...Wait, what are we talking about?
Hey, you guys, I am not jealous. I’m just looking out for her. I mean... Donna’s practically a sister to me. A tall, shapely sister. Who I’ve done it with. About a million times.
Hyde
Look, maybe Donna and Casey won’t even do it tonight. I’d call it... 50/50.
I read by 1984, the government will have tracking devices on all of us. And after that, they're gonna jam electrodes in our brains so they can read our memories. Damn U.S. government.
"Damn U.S. government?" Without our government, you'd be stuck in Siberia now sucking the juice from a rotten commie potato! Let me tell you something. If the U.S. government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank you, and God bless America!"
Man, everyone's down on me and Donna getting engaged. You guys, my parents... even the magic 8 ball said, "Outlook not so good." I just... Look, I really think Donna would love an engagement ring.
Hyde
Oh, she'll love the ring. It's the thought behind it that'll send her running for the hills. Or maybe she'll see how smart it is to get married when you're still in high school and have no money or future.
I know I ran when Jackie wanted to marry me. Except I ran for California instead of the hills. I mean the beach kicks the hills' ass! There's way more bikinis and they usually have a snack bar!
Maybe you guys are right. What if she thinks I'm moving too fast? Man, giving her this ring is a huge gamble. Am I man enough to make that bet? No! No! The answer is no!
Hyde
You see, Forman? You try to do a nice, thoughtful thing and you screw it yourself. It's all about expectations, man. Like, I've taught Jackie to think I'm rude and inconsiderate. I can't disappoint her because I'm always disappointing her!
You know what? Maybe I do have feelings for Michael. But what am I supposed to do, he was my first boyfriend! And you know what, you're going to have to learn to deal with it, and if you can't, and you're going to have to break up with me because of that, then I can't stop you. But I think it's a real waste because I love you!
Hyde
...I'm not saying it back!
S5 E14 Babe I'm Gonna Leave You (a.k.a. Valentine's Day)
See, I think it's stupid that Eric and Donna need to practice being married. I mean, it's simple. The woman just needs to be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room, and an acrobat in the bedroom. And I can hire a cook and a maid.
Hyde
I'm liking you more and more.
S5 E15 When the Levee Breaks (a.k.a. Eric and Donna Play House)
That '70s Show · 421 quotes
Young Hyde
