Randy Pearson quotes from That '70s Show

Jackie

[entering the basement] So you guys-[screams] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE?!

Donna

We stole Fatso the Clown! And now we're gonna...uhm...what do we do with a stolen clown?

Hyde

[in starting a Circle] THIS is what we do with a stolen clown. Actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. It always comes back to this.

[Randy providing voice] Hohohohohohohoho. Thanks for bringing me here you guys!

Randy

So Fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for ya?

Huhuh yeah. Find me a really trashy clown-hooker with nice long legs and a pair of double D [honks horn].

Randy

I found this in the garage.

Fez

Oh Randy, you think you are so funny [sniggers] That was funny.

Jackie

Look at that freaky-ass clown. It's just staring at me...he doesn't even blink...

Donna

It's because he likes you. He loves you. He wants to marry you and then..KILL YOU! [Jackie screams loud]

Donna

You guys, the radio station asked me to host an on-air fundraiser for the Children's Library. A year ago I was doing the Farm Report and now it's gonna be Hot Donna all day long. That right. I'm gonna be referring to myself in the third person from now on.

Randy

Wait. You're not doing the Farm Report anymore? [makes hillbilly accent] Well how am I supposed to know if my corns-a-gonna grow?

Donna

And I told my boss, that I'm not getting off the air until I've raised 500 bucks. Which'll be easy, cause my fans do anything I say. Like, there was this one time, when I told everybody to get up and dance when I played Tear The Roof Off The Sucker. There was almost a riot at the prison!

Jackie

[sarcastic] Yeah. Thanks a lot Donna. My Dad had to hide under his bunk.

Donna

(voice recording) Happy birthday Eric. I have a sexy surprise for you. Look across into my window. Yeah, I thought you'd like those. Now come over here and I'll...

Randy

Hey.

Donna

(turns off tape) Hey.

Randy

What's up?

Donna

Nothing. Just, you know, hanging out.

Randy

Cool. I've never sat on the hood of a car with a girl before?

Donna

Yeah, actually, you know what. This car was kind of...

Randy

(notices the lightsaber) Ooh.

Donna

Oh.

Randy

A lightsaber.

Donna

Yeah, that belonged to someone. Now lets...

Randy

Check it out. (Donna imagines Randy with Eric's hair and clothing while he's swinging the lightsaber) I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you. (Randy continues swinging the lightsaber)

Donna

Stop it. (pushes Randy of the Vista Cruiser)

Randy

What the hell?

Donna

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, this is, this is just too weird. I can't do this. I can't see you anymore.

Randy

You could of just said you didn't like Star Wars.

Jackie

There are plenty of other things on this list. My perfect guy compliments me, buys me presents and comes when I call... and none of that describes Fez.

Fez

[enters] Did you call me?

Jackie

What? No, I...

Fez

Wow Jackie, you look fantastic today. Ah, which reminds me, I got you a present. [gives gift] Enjoy. Bye, guys! [exits]

Randy

Whoa, that was weird!

Hyde

Why is there a closed sign on the door?

Randy

Oh, Red put that up. He said I could either have a closed sign on the door or an open sign on my ass.