That '70s Show quotes

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All Seasons
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Bea: So what were you saying dear?
Eric: [sitting next to Donna] Well I was just saying that, I'm getting married!
Bea: Oh honey! How wonderful! So who's the lucky girl?
Eric: [nods to his right] Umm, Donna.
Bea: Well I guess this is a small town. [she exits]
Donna: What the hell did that mean?
Eric: That my friend is the seldom heard but much feared grandma burn. Your only warning is the jingle of costume jewelry and the overpowering scent of Ben-gay.

Bob: And then I told Donna she was grounded, and she said no.
Kitty: She said no?
Eric: Can you do that?
Red: No.
Bob: I need your help, Red. I gotta get Donna away from that guy.
Eric: Oh, Dad. You know what's good? Threaten her with the ol' foot in the ass.
Kitty: [in response to Donna dating Casey Kelso] Y'know, that Casey. How can such a bad influence live in such a handsome package? Bad people should have a, a, a big scar or an eyepatch so you can recognize them.
Bob: The problem is, you know there's a, a point where your kids realize you can't do nothing to control them.
Eric: There is?
Red: No, now stop listening. Bob, I don't want to get involved. I've got enough problems with the 14 kids who think they live here now.

Bob: Hey, there kids, where've you two been?
Donna: God, Dad, can't we be gone for a minute without you making all sorts of accusations? I mean, God, it was just a minute!
Eric: To be fair, Donna, it was a little more than a minute.

Donna: I want to send Eric some sexy photos.
Sam: Sure. I have some in the car. Want me to go get them?

Donna: Ooh, it's kinda cold.
Eric: Here, take my jacket.
Donna: I love you.
Eric: God, we are such a... perfect couple.
Jackie: I'm cold, too.
Kelso: Well, damn, Jackie. I can't control the weather!

Donna: (voice recording) Happy birthday Eric. I have a sexy surprise for you. Look across into my window. Yeah, I thought you'd like those. Now come over here and I'll...
Randy: Hey.
Donna: (turns off tape) Hey.
Randy: What's up?
Donna: Nothing. Just, you know, hanging out.
Randy: Cool. I've never sat on the hood of a car with a girl before?
Donna: Yeah, actually, you know what. This car was kind of...
Randy: (notices the lightsaber) Ooh.
Donna: Oh.
Randy: A lightsaber.
Donna: Yeah, that belonged to someone. Now lets...
Randy: Check it out. (Donna imagines Randy with Eric's hair and clothing while he's swinging the lightsaber) I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you. (Randy continues swinging the lightsaber)
Donna: Stop it. (pushes Randy of the Vista Cruiser)
Randy: What the hell?
Donna: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, this is, this is just too weird. I can't do this. I can't see you anymore.
Randy: You could of just said you didn't like Star Wars.

Donna: [to Jackie and Kelso] Finally! Where have you guys been?
Kelso: We had to look for the paper, and eat... and then some stuff happened, you know.
Eric: Your shirt's on inside-out.
Kelso: Yeah, that's the stuff.

Donna: Excuse me, Jackie, when exactly did you lose your soul?
Jackie: Um, cheerleading camp.
Season 2

Donna: How do you do that?
Eric: Do what?
Donna: You always make me feel better.
Eric: Uhm, well thank you.
Donna: I love you, Eric.
Eric: I love... cake.

Donna: Jackie, you are so totally hot for him. I can see it in your eyes.
Jackie: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I like Fez? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! [runs off]

Donna: Okay, we're back, and uh, if my boyfriend's listening, you're late and I'm a little worried you're trapped in a snowdrift or something. So, honey, if you're cold, I'm with you, baby. Okay, so let's take some requests, hello, you're on the air.
Girl at Dance: Hi, I'd like to dedicate He's the Greatest Dancer by Sister Sledge to Eric Forman, the coolest guy at the Christmas dance.
Donna: What? He's still at the dance?
Girl at Dance: Sorry, I have to go. He's telling us about his boat.
Donna: That sneaky bastard. Uh, that sneaky bastard Santa Claus is on his way with a non-stop block of classic Christmas tunes, and remember, you're listening to WFPP with me, Hot Donna. [sizzling sound] You hear that, Eric Forman? That's not bacon, that's your ass when I get a hold of you.

Donna: So, my parents are, like, fighting all the time, and they want me to choose sides. But I can't, because they're both idiots.

Donna: So, what do you guys wanna do when you grow up?
Eric: Um, not touch dead people. Ever.

Donna: Take off your pants.
Eric: All right!
Donna: No! So I can see your tattoo!
Eric: I knew that. I think you're really gonna like it. Just don't be mad if it says... "Debbie." [pulls down his pants and shows his tattoo]
Donna: Woodstock.
Eric: It says "Woodstock"?
Donna: No, it's a picture of Snoopy's friend Woodstock! [laughs] You have a little yellow bird on your ass!

Eric and Hyde [to Shirley Jones]: Hi, Mom!
Kitty: Mom?
Shirley Jones: That's right, Kitty.
Eric: We're Partridges now!
Hyde: This is gonna be great! I'm pretty sure I can nail Susan Dey!
Kitty: No! Partridges? You can't live in a bus! There's no toilet!