Squidward[finding out he's in a blank background with colored-square tiles] He's not here. No more SpongeBob! No more! I may finally have found a place where I can be all alone! [the word "Alone" appears, alongside some word balloons]
[the word balloons saying "alone" became smaller]
Squidward
I gotta get out of here! [panics, runs] Where's the time machine? Where's everything? Where? [stomps on the floor, falls into the time machine with the lever being fixed] I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I miss Bikini Bottom! I miss my Easter Island head! I even miss SpongeBob! [right when Squidward says "SpongeBob," the time machine disappears and reappears in present time Bikini Bottom where SpongeBob and Patrick are still waiting for Squidward in front of his house] SpongeBob! Patrick!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Hi, Squidward.
Squidward
[rushed] I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was nowhere, and now, I'm back! And...you don't know how happy I am to see you guys.
Does this mean you wanna go...
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
...jellyfishing?
Squidward
No! Who's the barnaclehead who invented that game anyway?
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
You are, Squidward.
[The scene cuts to the island of Bikini Bottom up above the sea while SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh offscreen]
Squidward
[offscreen] I'm going back.
[SpongeBob walks home into his own dream cloud where his real self is still sleeping]
Ah, that was fun and all, but it's good to be back in my own dream cloud. [goes to sleep] Ah... [wakes up after hearing his friends voices and faces hovering around his head]
Squidward
[his head starts circling SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [the heads of Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, Pearl and Patrick start surrounding SpongeBob]
HSHeads of SpongeBob's friends
SpongeBob!
[tossing and turning in his sleep] What do you want from me? Leave me alone! No, no... No, no, no, no, no, no! [Squidward nudged and tapped SpongeBob and he wakes up]
Squidward
SpongeBob!
[screams, then sees his friends stand around his bed, except Patrick] Hey, what are you all doing in your pajamas? Are we having a slumber party?
[Scene now shows Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, and Pearl, who all look angry at SpongeBob.]
Squidward
No. We are not having a slumber party!
Do us all a favor, SpongeBob, and stay out of our dreams!
AEAll except Patrick
[grumble in agreement]
Squidward
Don't we get enough of you during the day?
[walks in] Does anyone have a quarter? [all stare at Patrick]
Squidward
Well, you can't play music with a piece of paper. [plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' off-key. Little black musical note symbols fall out of the clarinet]
[applauding] Hooray! Hooray! That was great, Squidward. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
Squidward
What? I didn't play any wrong notes. [plays the song off-key again]
Yeah, see, you're playing it like this... [plays his piece of paper as the clarinet with the note symbols coming out] ...When ordinarily it goes like this. [plays the song on-key] I'm partial to doing it in the key of A-minor myself. [plays the song in high notes. A music sheet appears] Ah, nothing like a duet between buddies, eh, Squidward?
Squidward
Wait, more impressions! A guy [angrily] throwing a piece of paper on the ground! [throws it on the ground] A guy stomping on the piece of paper [stomps on the paper, then picks it up and is upset] I'm a guy who traded everything he owns for a...
[walks up to Squidward chewing gum] A worthless piece of paper. [grabs the paper] Hey, thanks, it's just what I needed, Squidward. [blows a gum bubble then puts the gum on the piece of paper and throws it behind him in the garbage can. Then he walks away, towards SpongeBob's house] Nice shirt, SpongeBob. [laughs]
[The wind whistles.]
Squidward
Anybody have any sunscreen? [The episode ends with a fade out to black.]
[Gary snoring and meowing]
[quizzically] Meow? ("We are?")
That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become peasants! [puts on a hat and a fake beard]
[takes Gary's bowl away] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clam shells.
[SpongeBob seasons the shells with salt as Gary starts crying.]
SpongeBob [takes off the peasant mask] April Fools! [puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There you go, pal.
[goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty! [opens the fridge and takes a giant pitcher of lemonade out of it] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor, causing the floor to shake a little]
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas.]
[normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me.
[SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously, leaves his home and goes to work. Squidward sees him walking next to his house.]
Squidward
What's he so happy about? (I mean, what's today anyhow?) [walks by the calendar and panics when he notices it's...] "April 1st"!? [yells] April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday!
Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go.
Thanks. [drinks his lemonade]
[giggles with every sip, and Tom finishes his drink; laughing] April Fools!
What did you do to my drink?
You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]
Hey, I guess that is kinda funny.
Squidward
Ugh, that's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks. I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about.
[The bubbles transition to Squidward squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]
Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up. [starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]
Squidward
April Fools! [laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]
Whoa! [the rope sends him into some bags of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this and rolls on the floor. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar] Whoa! Blblblblblblbl... [yells as he is sent slamming face-first into the wall]
[Squidward's eyes pop out as he laughs hysterically. SpongeBob flies into Bubble Bass' rear]
Whoa! [The scene cuts to Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]
Squidward
[runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob. [giggles to himself. SpongeBob shouts as he plummets toward Squidward, who quickly sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the can] Oops. [dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can] April Fools, you little sausage. [laughs]
Awww! [starts to cry and runs out of the Krusty Krab]
Squidward
SpongeBob, I was just kidding. C'mon, c'mon. You guys know I was just kidding... Right?
I3Incidental 37B
Aww, man, poor kid.
I4Incidental 45
That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. [the customers angrily glare at Squidward as they begin to leave]
I7Incidental 71
April Fools, jerk. [all the customers storm out the door in disgust as Squidward starts to look upset by their reaction]
Squidward
Wait, don't go.
Squidward
Wait, wait, wait. It was a joke! Uh-huh... [looks around at the mess he has made and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward starts to feel ashamed of himself] Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. [makes silly face] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [throat goes haywire] gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
What would we do with Squidward?
[after making a Krabby patty] Look! a perfect patty.
Squidward
Alright SpongeBob, Hand it over. [beat] well?
[imagines how Squidward is really far away and how his shoelaces are snakes that will squeeze and keep him from moving. He snaps out of hallucination] Hey Squidward! I've got a idea! How about you come get it?
Squidward
[sarcastically] Oh, gee, SpongeBob, that's a great idea. And maybe I should cook the patties, and do the dishes, and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple, while YOU wait in the unemployment line!
Squidward
Then bring that patty here now!
What's the meaning of this, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward
It's SpongeBob's fault.
[gets upset, his eyes turn into steamboat whistles] SPONGEBOB, GET OUT HERE! [SpongeBob peeks out the door] More. [SpongeBob peeks out a little further] More! [SpongeBob stretches himself partially trough the door] All the way, boy! [SpongeBob snaps out of the door and falls too the ground] What be the matter, SpongeBob? I ought to make you walk the plank for this!
I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, it's just that I, I...
I... I... I... I... I... I...
KKKr. Krabs
[shakes SpongeBob] Out with it, Boy! What is it?
I forgot how to tie my shoes.
[The camera zooms in to Mr. Krabs' feet, revealing he indeed doesn't wear shoes]
Ah, beautiful springtime, a time for fun and frolic for most, [the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, zooming in and then right at the front door. Squidward is there] but not for this poor slob.
Squidward
Oh, what a beautiful day, and here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. [the bell dings] No one ever comes in on Sunday. [the bell dings again] Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? [the bell dings again. Squidward gets angry and growling into SpongeBob. The scene changes to SpongeBob ringing a bell, set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob] SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell. [picks it up and slams it on the bottom of the order window]
Squidward
[leans through the order window getting in SpongeBob's face] I will ring the bell when there's an order. But...There's no customers! There hasn't been one all day, and there isn't gonna be any! [struggles to pick up the cash register, but successfully does so and he slams it down making a bell noise]
One Krabby Patty coming up!
Squidward
No...!
[The register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' office where Mr. Krabs is writing something on a sheet of paper and he stops to hear the money dropping.]
That sounds like me money dropping. [the scene changes to show the outside of the office and Squidward is picking up the coins; opens his office door] What's going on out here?! My babies! [runs up to Squidward and shoves him away] Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice clean money... soiled! [scoops up the coins in his claws] I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way! [runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink] No, no, no, don't cry, little ones.
[gets startled and throws the dimes in the air. One dime rolls into the sink and starts to roll towards the sink drain] Me dime! [the dime rolls around the sink drain. Just as it seems like it's about to fall down the drain, it flips over facing away from the drain; gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime jumps, winks, and goes down the drain] No! [grabs the dime in the drain] I got it, boy! [his claw got stuck] What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
You've gotta let go of the dime.
I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and heave! [SpongeBob pulls on him from behind a couple times until he gets thrown back without his arms] Me arms!
[Mr. Krabs hits the wall, the impact causing the shelf above him to slant and drop a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and a scuba suit on his head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs' head and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to fall over and black out]
I can't believe this is really happening. [sits on the cash register box, then starts to tear up] Today, I start living!
Okay, now... say it. [SpongeBob hesitates] Say it.
SpongeBob, you're never going to feel better 'til you get this thing off your chest.
[has a purple alien-like leech sucking on his chest] I know, Patrick. [pulls it off and throws it aside]
Say it. [SpongeBob still hesitates] Say it...
Squidward
Is that what he calls it?
[As we cut back to the pineapple rooftop]
[breathing heavily] That felt great! I feel empowered!
I don't know. How about a movie?
SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
Squidward
For what, dare I ask?
The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.
Squidward
Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]
[dressed as a king] The King Krab.
[holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.
[dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!
[Pause]
SPSpongeBob and Pearl
The Kuddly Krab! [they both hug and laugh]
[A rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad in fact that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. The female fish and Fred drive by in a car]
It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
Squidward
THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs] Oops.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
[are at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads] Whew!
[drops his spatula; laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]
Uh, me too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]
[SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]
Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!
So I can win an award like you.
Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to "Mary had a Little Lamb"] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]
[in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
[in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Aaaggghhh!
[SpongeBob and Patrick then run out of the Krusty Krab]
There's no award for that!
Squidward
[leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]
[he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?
Until I have as many awards as you.
[takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.
Me too. [takes out a jump-rope]
Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]
Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]
Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?
Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you. '[SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice. Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head] My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]
Stick buddy! [the stick falls over] Nah. Rock buddy! Nope. Sink buddy! [a drip of water comes out of the sink] Almost.
Squidward
Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival style! And if there is anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask.
FFrancis
He kept us waiting for a bubble?
That's nothing! He called us fat! [begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]
[crying as she shows her clean flipper] He washed my flipper!
[storming up] He owes me money!
Squidward
[following Mr. Krabs] He made me provide excellent service!
[appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes! He made me experience high tide! [floats up towards the surface while laughing]
He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!
No...But are we just gonna wait around until he does?
I say we tip somethin' over!
[All yelling, everyone tips the lifeguard stand]
[The stand crashes to the ground]
PProtesters
Get the lifeguard! [they go to the lifeguard]
Squidward
[stops them] Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! [holds up a needle] Who's with me?!
PProtesters
Pop the bubble! [hold up needles]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
