Scenes with Patrick 322
PatrickHEY! Where do you think you're going, chum chewer? [grabs Squidward and holds him up.
[Patrick and SpongeBob are angry at Squidward for what he tried to do]
Hey, come on! This is just a big misunderstanding! Ferry, fairy: They're two different words that just happen to sound alike!
[holds up a bucket of chum meat] Open wide, Squidward!
[Squidward's teeth scream and they jump out of his mouth. Squidward's teeth go into the water and swim towards the Tooth Ferry, ending the episode]
[Patrick looks at SpongeBob, who gives him a thumbs up. Patrick looks at Don Grouper and Mr. Krabs. Patrick looks at SpongeBob again]
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh...!
Patrick
[turns to the audience; awkwardly] Good evening, ladies and the other ones. I know you're all excited to see the 400th commercial, but before we see it, I just want to say that Frozen Krabby Patties are MADE WITH SAND! [The audience gasps in shock]
[shocked] Oh, no! [faints in Don Grouper's arms again]
DGDon Grouper
That was cute when you were rich. [drops Mr. Krabs and surrenders with his hands up guiltily] I'm out of here. [leaves the stage as the audience vomit out sand. In doing so, their butts shrink down to their normal size. The scene changes to a graph of the Frozen Krabby Patty sales going down]
And in shocking news today, it has been revealed that Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand.
[As everyone is watching the news, various people vomit out sand and their butts shrink back to normal. One of which vomits out palm trees. Another vomits out patty-shaped sand. Another vomits out sand shaped like a rectangular box. Another vomits sand through his eye sockets. Another vomits out sand with a snail in it. Then their butts begins to shrivel up afterwards. Not wanting to take this anymore, the customers decided once and for all to throw away all of the frozen patties they bought. Mr. Krabs is seen near a trashcan, depressed. The Krusty Factory is being closed down and pushed away by construction workers]
Well, it's gone. Everything I spent me life building is all gone. I'm ruined. [sobs]
[The episode begins at nighttime. Squidward, who appears to be very tired, is getting ready to go to bed]
Oh, why can't I get to sleep? Let's try it again. [sighs] Warm milk. [drinks milk] White noise machine. [turns on the noise machine and it blows bubbles out. He groans as he closes his eyes. His eyelids say "10 Grit" on them. Then he wakes up] Dim lights. [turns off lights and groans; sings] ♪ Sleep, little Squidward, catch some winks / Everything and everybody clearly stinks ♪ [shuts his eyes, curls up in his bed, and tries to go to sleep. Suddenly, a loud belch is heard and a startled Squidward screams and clings on the ceiling with his suction cups]
[At SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing while having a sleepover]
[chugs down a liter of soda and swallows it. His bottom begins to bubble up] Oh, yeah! Fizz Bomb Cola!
Patrick
Fire in the hole!
[SpongeBob's body bubbles up and he makes a really loud belch. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
[yelling] Hey! Will you two psychopaths keep it down?!
Oh, hi, Squidward. How ya doing?
Horrible! I haven't slept for three days!
Patrick
[grabs Squidward's hand and shakes it] Hey, that's great!
It is not great! [pulls back his hand] I've got an audition with the Bikini Bottom Philharmonic Orchestra tomorrow morning, and I'm a nervous wreck!
[appears behind Squidward] Why don't you try taking a walk? Works for me.
You know, normally, I jump up and scream when you appear like that. But I'm so tired, I'm just gonna take your stupid advice. [walks away]
[Squidward lumbers into SpongeBob's living room with a vacant look on his face]
Patrick
SpongeBob, what's happening?
[Squidward's eyes close. He begins to snore and collapses to the ground in a deep sleep. SpongeBob quickly forms into the shape of a mattress and catches the octopus before he hits the ground. Squidward mutters in his sleep and fluffs SpongeBob's eyes like they're pillows. SpongeBob smiles warmly]
Aww, the poor guy was just sleepy.
Patrick
Hey, kids, I'm a... [The kids scream at Patrick's clown outfit. Patrick screams and hides in the coral tree]
Hey, I'm not paying you to play hide-and-seek! These children want to be entertained! Get down here! [shakes the tree and Patrick falls off the tree]
Patrick
Hey, SpongeBob! [notices SpongeBob in his underwear] You're in your underwear. That's cool. [shoves a large envelope onto SpongeBob's face] I got your mail. What is it?
[pulls out envelope from his face] It's my life insurance. I got one for you too!
Patrick
Oh boy, life insurance! [jumps around joyfully] Life insurance, life insurance, life insurance, life insurance! [suddenly stops moving in mid-air] What's life insurance?
I'm not sure, but I think that means for the rest of our lives we are protected. We can't get hurt.
Patrick
[stares at the contract, closely chews the contract, then spits out the contract] This contract tastes legitimate, but I don't believe it! [squeezes moist contract]
Well, let's try to get hurt, and we'll see?
Patrick
Huh! Well, finally, something I'm good at.
[from inside his house, to SpongeBob and Patrick] Higher! Higher!
Patrick
Turn the volume up inside of your voice!
Huh? SpongeBob, what's going on?
Oh, hey— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other] Sandy. Patrick and I are— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again] in the middle of a sports game.
[Patrick jumps onto SpongeBob]
This sure don't look like any sport I've seen before. [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again]
I believe it's called kickboxing, or something? [Patrick falls down]
Well, whatever it is, it seems to be causing you lots of pain. [SpongeBob hits Patrick]
Patrick
Ow! Sure is. [gets hit again] Ooh!
Why not stop playing it if it hurts so bad?
Patrick
We can't stop... [panting] Until we break our tie.
[The trumpeters play and fog steams out from between the booths]
SSShark Son
It's the rule giver.
[The crowd murmurs as Don the Whale, Frank the Muscular Goldfish, and Larry the Lobster carry Squidward, who is in a grim reaper outfit, onto the field. They set him down and the crowd cheers]
I ain't never heard of a rule giver.
[flips his hood] I prefer "King of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.
You're making up a game where SpongeBob and Patrick hurt themselves, and you won't let them stop?!
I'm just giving the people what they want.
That's pretty low, Squidward, even for you. I'm putting a stop to this. SpongeBob and Patrick have had enough! [SpongeBob and Patrick appear brutally beaten up by Squidward's so-called games]
MMan
AAAAAAAAAUUURRGGHH!!!
See? They're fine. Let the games resume. [Sandy grumbles and the audience cheers]
Oh, I don't think so. Y'all want to see a game? Fine. Squidward, I challenge you to a game—a game of basketball. Winner decides the fate of SpongeBob and Patrick. [throws basketballs in Squidward's face]
Huh? [the crowd cheers] Me? Play sports? No, no. I'm mostly in an advisory position.
JGJimmy Gus
Aw, come on! We came to see some action! Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
CCrowd
Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
See you on the court, Your Highness. [shoves the crown down Squidward's face]
[Inside the Ice Cream Store, it was the most amazing thing Patrick has ever seen. There are sprinkle fountains, chocolate syrup waterfalls and rivers, candy cane trees, ice cream mountains, and an ice cream roller coaster that goes around tables. Patrick's mouth begins to water and he slowly walks over to the counter]
And a good ice cream day to you, sir.
Patrick
Yes, it's a good day for ice cream!
And what's your pleasure?
Patrick
Oh, I want your bestest ice cream for my bestest buddy, SpongeBob!
Excellent choice, sir. One Heavenly Paradise coming up.
[Lou pulls the rubber cow utter and the Heavenly Paradise sundae comes down on a roller coaster cart. The customers cheer and applaud as Patrick's eyes glimmer. The trumpeters blow their candy cane trumpets and the sundae stops right in front of Patrick. Patrick jumps up and down in excitement and the Ice Cream Store employee hands him a spoon. Patrick grabs the spoon and gives the employee his coupon]
Patrick
SpongeBob won't mind if I just take a little taste.
Are you the exterminator?
Patrick
Oh. [laughs] No. I'm not the extra gator. I'm here to redeem my coupon for a free ice cream! It's for my bestest friend, but it's out of date.
[points to a pile of coupons] They're all out of date because I don't know what year it is.
Patrick
I don't know what anything is. [he and the Ice Cream King look at each other]
Patrick
[thinks for a bit] Apples?
Genius! Let's see your head. [squeezes Patrick's head] I can't feel your brain.
Patrick
[lifts his foot with his brain appearing in it] It's down here today.
[lifts his foot with his brain appearing in it] Mine too! High 5! [they do a high 5 but end up hitting each other] Secret handshake? [they both slap each other and fly around all over the place until they stop] Perfect! You don't know the secret handshake either. Hey, I don't know your name. [pushes Patrick]
Patrick
Hey, you're right! [pushes the Ice Cream King]
[snatches the coupon from Patrick] This may still be redeemable according to the fine print.
Oh, hello, Patrick. What's up?
Patrick
I was gonna give you this ice cream, [holds out the melted ice cream cone] but it melted. Instead, I got you this hearty handshake. [holds out one of Mr. Krab's claws]
Aw, I love hearty handshakes, but not as much as I love ice cream! [points to the Heavenly Paradise sundae in the middle of the living room; holds up a spoon] Care to join me?
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Whoo-hoo! [jump into the sundae and ice cream splatters all over the screen, which forms the words, "The End," ending the episode]
[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff fight each other again. However, now that Neptune's Moon is gone, they both revert themselves back into their regular forms. But unfortunately, the effects of Neptune's Moon also caused their respective clothing to dissolve into nothingness, thus leaving them naked]
KPMr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff
Oops. [cover themselves in embarrassment and run off laughing]
[Larry reverts back to his regular form as well. But he is also naked. He picks up a flower and uses it as a loincloth. Then he walks away. Pearl and Squidward continue fighting above Sandy's treedome. They both revert back to their regular forms. However, they're also naked as well. Pearl spits Squidward out from her mouth]
What is going on here? [gasps] MY CLOTHES! [screams and runs away]
[screams and runs away as she is naked] NO!
[SpongeBob and Patrick revert back to the regular forms, but they're also naked as well]
[SpongeBob pulls himself off of Sandy's suit. Patrick giggles and falls off of Sandy's helmet. SpongeBob looks around and sees Sandy's treedome destroyed]
Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked?
Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had.
And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun.
[The ground shakes. Neptune's Sun comes out of a volcano and shines its light on Sandy. The light then transforms Sandy into a realistic land squirrel. It appears that Neptune's Sun only effects land creatures while Neptune's Moon only effects sea creatures. Sandy chitters and crawls around inside her suit]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty!
[They both laugh as Sandy chitters]
[Patrick flies off the track and lands directly near his house. SpongeBob pulls himself together and sends Patrick back to his house. Patrick steps on a pebble]
Patrick
Ow! [strains]
Oh, brother. [falls asleep as he is completely tired from having such an eventful night]
Patrick
Oh!
[SpongeBob sleep-walks into the street]
Patrick
Oh, he'll be fine. [jumps on his rock and goes to sleep. As Patrick closes his rock, crashing noises are heard as SpongeBob is getting run over by the boats, ending the episode]
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton at Patrick's house. Patrick is trying to decide what his wish will be]
Patrick
I wish... I wish... I wish...
Pick something, you bozo!
Patrick
Well, sometimes I wish I had an extra head so that I'd have someone to talk to when you're at work.
Pathetic. All right, your crummy wish is my command! Give me your hand, Jumbo. And the both of you, close your eyes. [Patrick holds up his left hand as he and SpongeBob close their eyes. Plankton draws a doodle on Patrick's hand with a marker, making him giggle] Alakazam!
Patrick
[notices the doodle on his hand] Oh! My extra head! It's my wish come true! Oh, I'm gonna call you Noggin.
Oh, hello, Noggin. Nice to meet you.
Patrick
Noggin, say hello to SpongeBob. [silence]
Patrick
Noggin, you're embarrassing me. Say hello to SpongeBob.
Patrick
No, it's not okay!
Leaping lungfish, can we go now?
Patrick
Yes, go! Noggin here needs to be taught a painful lesson.
[SpongeBob and Plankton leave as Patrick enters his house]
[sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob coming for you. They're here.
They done busted my dome!
OROld Ribeye
They wrecked me up!
They got pictures of me naked!
No one wants to see your moles.
Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!
[Officer John pushes Mr. Krabs aside and grabs Rube's camera. He opens it and sees Plankton already inside of it, but the camera itself appears to not have any film in it]
Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.
[Everyone looks at Rube in confusion]
Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.
[The camera disappears, with Plankton falling to the ground which surprises everyone]
EEveryone
[shocked] Huh?!
In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here. [disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise]
Patrick
[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!
[Everyone backs away in fear and runs off. The screen fades back into "The Tidal Zone"]
You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling]
[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
