[The sea bunnies crawl into Squidward's house]
[zips the door shut as sea bunnies crawl under the wallpaper. Squidward hides under the table and dials the shellphone] Hello, Animal Control? Save me! [The sea bunnies emerge from the wallpaper and from one of Squidward's paintings. More sea bunnies emerge from the cabinets while others emerge from the electric outlet. Squidward blubbers in panic as sea bunnies invade his house. One sea bunny emerges from his nose. His entire house is flooded with sea bunnies. Squidward escapes from the upper window of his house. He gets up and groans like an old man. He shakes the sea bunnies off him and growls in anger. He grabs a mallet from the shed and spits on his hand] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GAH! [hits his house with the mallet] That'll get them out.
[Squidward's house cracks and breaks into two halves. The sea bunnies form into his own house from underneath the wallpaper, much to Squidward's horror]
Sorry about your house, Squidward.
PatrickYeah. We just heard.
[Squidward is overwhelmed with what he did and whacked himself on the head with the mallet. His head opens and his brain flies out. Squidward goes mentally insane and grows bunny ears, whiskers, a pair of buckteeth, and a fluffy tail. He then begins to hop like a sea bunny]
[laughs maniacally] I'm a bunny now! [laughs crazily] I'm a bunny now! I'm a bunny now!
ACAnimal Control Officer
Okay, Mr. Tentacles, easy does it. [puts a straitjacket on Squidward]
[kicks the animal control officer in the face and runs away. The animal control officer gets up and goes after the mentally-crazed Squidward with the net; laughs maniacally] I'm a bunny now! [laughs crazily] I'm a bunny now!
[As the animal control officer chase after the crazy squid into the sunset, one sea bunny makes a face to look like Squidward. He mumbles like Squidward and plays "Shave and a Haircut" on the clarinet before closing the sea bunny window, ending the episode]
Patrick
It's so straight-downy.
Don't worry, Patrick. A scavenger is always prepared. [pulls out a rope, ties it to a nearby rock and goes to climb down, but the rope isn't long enough] The rope is too short! We need another one!
Patrick
[throws down a rope] Here!
Thanks, Patrick! Where'd you get another rope?
Patrick
From that rock! [slips off the edge and falls down into the canyon with SpongeBob, crashing into some stalagmites in the process. They both crash to the ground below the canyon]
[The episode begins at Patrick's house during the night. A shooting star flies in the sky]
Okay, Patrick, one more book, then you go to sleep, 'kay?
Patrick
'Kay.
This one is called "You Can Be Anything."
Patrick
[blabbers as he spins over his bed] I can be anything?
Oh, sure you can, pal. [opens the book and shows the page with a fireman pop-out] You can be a firefighter... [the fireman pop-out sprays water in Patrick's face; SpongeBob turns the page that shows a doctor pop-out] You can be a doctor... [Patrick whimpers; SpongeBob turns the page and shows a cowboy pop-out] You can be a cowboy.
Patrick
That's what I want to be!
Patrick
No, no, no, no, no! [points to the horse pop out] That.
A horse? [chuckles] Buddy, I don't think you want to be a horse.
Patrick
You said I can be anything, and I want to be a horse! [His eyes thump SpongeBob's eyes]
Sure, sure, you can be a horse. [tucks Patrick in his sand bed and sighs] Nighty-night, Patrick. [turns out the light and leaves]
What are you two dizzy dingbats doing out here?!
Just treasuring our time together, Squidward.
Well, that time is over! Say good night, go to your separate houses, and be quiet!
[SpongeBob and Patrick whimper and cry]
Patrick
[cries] I can't do it! I can't be away from my best friend!
[cries] No, it hurts too much! [he and Patrick continue to cry]
Oh, will you two cut it out? [SpongeBob and Patrick stop crying]
Cut it out... Squidward, that's a great idea!
SPSquidward and Patrick
It is?
[SpongeBob takes out a pair of scissors, cuts off part of his head and forms it into a tiny version of himself]
Patrick
Wow! My turn! [rips his head off and also forms it into a tiny version of himself]
[SpongeBob and Patrick hug each as the tiny versions of themselves hug and dance around]
I think I'm gonna be sick! [gets sick and runs back into his house]
[gives Mini SpongeBob to Patrick] Here you go, Patrick. Now we never have to be apart, even when we're not together. [Patrick gives SpongeBob Mini Patrick]
Patrick
This is great. See you forever, SpongeBob.
Yeah, see you forever, Patrick. [enters his house and yawns] Time for bed, Tiny Patrick.
[Mini Patrick jumps happily on SpongeBob's hands and hops on his head as SpongeBob goes upstairs. Bubble transition to SpongeBob washing his face with soap and water. Mini Patrick jumps off of SpongeBob's head and dives into the sink. He pops out of the suds and rides on the rubber duck like a cowboy. Bubble transition to Mini SpongeBob brushing Patrick's teeth. However, he shrivels up by the bad odor inside Patrick's mouth and falls into the sink]
Patrick
Hmm.
I hope you didn't damage my goods.
Oh, your goods are all good, Bubble Bass. And we sure build up an appetite for that free lunch. [Patrick gulps out a bib and fork and knife]
Oh, yes, about that. I'm afraid I was waiting for you so long that I ate them! [eats the paper bags] Mmm. [belches]
'[SpongeBob whimpers]
Patrick
[inhales and swallows the fork, knife, and bib; he grumbles] If my friend SpongeBob doesn't get his free lunch, things are gonna get crazy! [pants while Bubble Bass melts]
That was the meanest thing I ever saw, Bubble Bass. You, sir, have crossed the line of aquatic decency. You might think you took a couple of bottom feeders like us for a ride today, but I got a newsflash for you, slappy. These bottom-feeders wouldn't eat your free lunch if you paid us!
Patrick
I would.
Come, Patrick. I'll make you a free Krabby Patty for $2.50 plus tax.
[watches the pair leave and laughs] Well, you pulled it off, Bubble Bass. And you didn't even have to flick a fin. [hums and opens a box]
[emerges from a box and growls] Bubble Bass, why do you think it's funny to pack your mother in a box and drag her all over town?!
[shocked] MOTHER?! [grunts as she picks him up and stuffs him in two boxes]
[pulls a dolly out her hair] We'll just see how you like it! [pants as she pushes him]
I didn't do it! [Mama Bass bumps into a mailbox] OW! [bumps him into a building] Mother, please— [grunts] It was SpongeBob and Patrick! [grunts] I'll dry the dishes, Mommy. [grunts] I love you, Mommy. [episode irises out on him inside the box]
MY LEG is really stressing out, Dr. Charley Horse.
CHDr. Charley Horse
[examining Fred's leg] Hmm. Uh-huh. [twists Fred's leg and bite it] You're right, Fred. It's so tense, but I've got just the remedy. Take off your shoes and follow me.
Patrick
[wearing a gas mask] So far this plan stinks.
This is no time to be smelling stinks, Patrick. I need to protect FRED'S LEG, and I can't do it alone.
CHCharley Horse
The only way to relax YOUR LEG is to walk on... hot coals. [removes the rug]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Hot coals!?
[SpongeBob goes to protect Fred while Patrick hides in a sock.]
HDr. Horse
Now, Fred, close your eyes, and repeat after me the ancient mantra, "My feet are cold, my feet are cold…"
FHFred and Dr. Horse
'My feet are cold.'
My feet are cold. [stretches his foot out over the hot coals, but SpongeBob lays himself underneath] My feet are cold. [walks on top of SpongeBob as he burns] My feet are cold.
My feet are cold. Whoa! [falls on the hot coals] My butt!
HHorse
[his voice gets higher and starts to shrink as he walks on the hot coals] Oh! My feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold…! [disappears; forms a word above the coals and whispers] Transcendence.
Hello? [the door slams itself shut, leaving Squidward locked outside. Squidward tries to open it to go back in, but it wouldn't budge. The lights turn on. Squidward turns around and finds himself in a haunted themed area made by Patrick himself. He whimpers] I've lost it. I can't tell what's real anymore! [Patrick scares Squidward with a toy worm and a toy snail under his feet. The toy snail makes Squidward flip over and fall on the ground]
Patrick
Boo! I'm a haunted tablecloth! [swings over Squidward with a tablecloth over his body; Squidward screams a sprays more ink out from his nose. The ink fills several cups, pitchers, bowls, and pails laid out by Patrick. Patrick swings himself into a wall and laughs. Squidward runs up the stairs while spraying ink in more cups and bowls laid out by Patrick. He runs into a spooky baby's room with creepy music playing in the background]
Not creepy nursery rhyme music! [Squidward hears a creaking sound in the crib behind him. He looks in the crib and sees Patrick wearing a creepy baby costume while having a nose similar to Squidward's]
Patrick
Dada! [Squidward screams and sprays more ink out from his nose into the crib. Squidward runs out through the window. Patrick puts the sucker back on the baby bottle filled with ink] Thank you, Daddy!
[falls to the ground and sees a spooky but crudely version of the Krusty Krab in front of him.] The Krusty Krab? How did I wind up here? I don't think I want to go in. [a newspaper falls on him; he gasps as he reads it] This newspaper is dated 60 years into the future. [The conveyor belt underneath him moves and it takes him inside. Squidward covers his eyes] I can't look! I'm afraid to see. Please, no. [looks up and sees a puppet version of his old futuristic self in his workstation]
PSPuppet Squidward
May I help you, young man?
[Squidward's nose becomes a faucet and he screams the ink out of himself. Patrick, who is operating the old Squidward puppet, watches down happily. Squidward has had enough of the haunted area and goes to run away. He runs out of the haunted area and bumps into Don the Whale at the lemonade stand]
Squidward, if you want to buy some black lemonade, you'll have to get in the back of the line.
[The last wall breaks apart and falls outside the building. Now, the entire building is completely destroyed. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick finally cleaning the stain off the floor of the main office right before dawn]
SpongeBob SquarePants always keeps his word. That carpet is clean.
Patrick
And I helped!
You sure did, buddy! Come on, pal. Let's go get us a snack.
Patrick
Oh, I like that sound, SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob and Patrick leave the building as it now stands in ruin. Meanwhile, the worker, who was not aware of the destruction, gets up from his chair, stretches and prepares to leave. However, he falls downward. The security guard enters the ruins of the building and catches the worker. He sees the place completely destroyed and drops the worker]
[straightens himself out] Oh, tender, naïve Patrick, it's not that kind of playground. It's a place to read books! See?
Patrick
Oh, I love books! [laughs and throws books around] Book! Book! [SpongeBob dodges the incoming books] Book!
[whispers] Gary, I don't think Patrick knows how to use a book properly. [gets hit in the face by a book] Ow! [removes the book and grabs Patrick] Behold the books, Patrick. Each one has a story to tell.
Patrick
Whoa.
Look out! Those books are cliffhangers, stories for the adventurous. [Two books are clinging for their lives on the shelf. Patrick panics and rushes to help them]
Patrick
I'll save you! [climbs on the shelf] Whoa! [falls down and gets crushed underneath]
[pulls Patrick out and shows a log-shaped book] There are logbooks, unabridged books, and books with bridges. [holds up a really large book entitled, "War and Peace"; he shows a pop-up book that displays London's Tower Bridge]
Patrick
Whoa! [laughs]
[puts a book close to his ear] Listen to the soothing sounds of the audiobooks. [hears seagulls cawing and ocean waves] I can hear the ocean.
Patrick
[grabs a book and hears a toilet flushing] Me too!
[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
Cookbooks, for the culinarily curious.
Patrick
[takes a page that has a picture of a turkey on it. He puts it on a stove, fries it up, and eats it] I like the pictures.
[reaches in Patrick's mouth and grabs the page] Ah, but the pictures are a mere snack! [closes the book and puts it away] It's the words in the book that really feeds your brain. Let's start you off with an old book. [takes an old book that is covered in cobwebs and dust; he parachutes down and opens the book; and eerie dust bunny appears and SpongeBob sniffs it up] Ah, musty old books smell. Now, read the words, Patrick.
Patrick
Oh, read the—oh, uh..."Once...Upon a..." "Once upon a..." Once upon a what?!
To continue the story, you have to turn the page. [turns a page]
Patrick
Oh. "Time." "Once upon a time!" [laughs and turns pages] That's the most amazing trick I've ever seen! I want to stare at more words!
Then feast your eyes! [turns the pages and Patrick goes to read. Inside Patrick's head, his brain is sitting alone on the couch, feeling bored. It picks its nose and smears it on the arm rest. It then sees Patrick looking at the words in the book he's reading]
Patrick
Once upon a time...
Sandy, don't you think you're playing a teensy-weensy bit rough? Just a smidge? Hm?
Aww, I'm actually going a little easy on you guys, seein' as you're all so delicate. [lets them go and takes out a bucket of chum] Hey, who wants to play "dodge the chum?" [throws some chum at SpongeBob]
No, I don't think I'm— [gets chum thrown in his face] Sandy is really stressing me out today. You want to go jellyfishing?
Patrick
[licks the chum off SpongeBob's face] No, I'd rather go jellyfishing.
You sure you don't wanna go [takes out his jellyfishing net] jellyfishing?
Patrick
I said no. [takes out his net] I wanna go jellyfishing.
[groans] Okay, we'll do what you want.
[SpongeBob laughs as the cart falls through the floor. The Flying Dutchman leans over to hear. SpongeBob's laughter hits him hard again]
How can he still be laughing? I've never been so humiliated. I got to do something here.
Boy, Patrick, I wish all our friends could be here. They'd love this place! [laughs]
Friends! He's got friends. That's it! I know how to scare this guy. [laughs evilly as he unleashes his ghostly mist down from his ship into Bikini Bottom]
[gives candy to several trick-or-treaters] Happy Halloween! [the ghostly mist surrounds her and takes her soul from her body] What in Fort Worth...?
[Several trick-or-treaters run up to Mr. Krabs and Squidward, who are handing out candy]
TOTrick-Or-Treaters
Trick or treat!
[Suddenly, the Flying Dutchman's ghostly mist surrounds them and takes their souls from their bodies]
[The souls of Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are being lifted in the air by the ghostly mist]
[The trick-or-treaters laugh and throw eggs and toilet paper at Squidward and Mr. Krabs' motionless bodies. Mr. Krabs growls in anger. Back inside the Flying Dutchman's ship, SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the cart. Patrick is still afraid while SpongeBob continues to laugh, still thinking it's funny. SpongeBob stops laughing and sighs]
[her soul is in one of the Flying Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob! Patrick! Help me!!!
[laughs] That almost looks like Sandy! [laughs]
[his and Plankton's souls are in two of the Flying Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob!
[his soul and Gary's are in two other cages] Help us!!!
[laughs] That almost looked like Mr. Krabs and Squidward and Gary and Plankton! [giggles] Funny! Oh, Patrick, this is hysterical! [laughs] Why aren't you laughing? [giggles until he notices Patrick's motionless body] Patrick, what's wrong with you?
Patrick
[his soul suddenly appears in one of the Flying Dutchman's cages] Help me, SpongeBob! My body's butt itches!
Patrick, is this really happening? Hey, this isn't funny.
Patrick
I was wrong, SpongeBob. Sometimes, scary equals scary!
[screams at Patrick's motionless body] Hm? [pulls out his chalkboard, erases the word "funny," and replaces it with "AHHH!"] Yup. I got the same answer. Scary equals "AHHHHH!!!".
Success! I knew that would get him!
[SpongeBob is finally convinced that scary doesn't equal funny at all and screams in terror. His skeleton tears itself out of his body and runs off. SpongeBob's skin and skeleton run out of the ship. SpongeBob's skeleton and skin fall to the ground and attempt to run]
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
That's the scariest thing I ever saw in my life!
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Me too! But we gotta go back.
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
Go back?! Are you nuts?!
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Show a little backbone! We gotta save our friends!
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
Oh, you're right, but I'm still scared. Will you hold my hand?
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Deal! [they both go back together and SpongeBob heads back to rescue his friends]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
