Patrick[yelling at Sandy] Okay, you know what?! None of this would've happened if you didn't come back with your infestation. All you've brought us is fleas, and trouble, and pain, and itching, and a rash, and pain, and fleas, and itching, and... pain! So... much... pain! So much pain. [to SpongeBob] And as for you, if you hadn't thrown this party, we wouldn't be in this mess!
Wait a minute. You had as much to do with this party as I did.
Patrick
You call this a party?! [taps SpongeBob's helmet] I'm beginning to question our friendship.
Patrick
Oh, I got half a mind, buddy!
Patrick
That video will show me stealing SpongeBob's donut..! Oh, oh, oh, eee, eee! I gotta hide this thing. [tries hiding it under a picture of him and SpongeBob but it slips out. Patrick gasps and took it, Patrick tries to hide the donut in the lamp but the light on the ceiling shows the donut's reflection. Patrick takes it out, SpongeBob leaves his house and heads towards Patrick's, Patrick runs around it before putting it under the rug] Whew... [falls backwards onto a chair] Oh... [imagines SpongeBob walking in and stepping on the donut]
Hey, Patrick, I- [squish. He looks down and gasps] Donut! You monster...! You monster!
[Patrick gasps and screams, gets up and takes the donut and puts it in the toaster, but then imagines SpongeBob again]
Nothing goes with a video like toast! Let's pop some toast in the toaster and watch this bad boy!
Patrick
[screams and takes it out of the toaster] Ow, hot, hot, hot, ow! [throws it in the toilet, then imagines SpongeBob again]
Get out of the way, Patrick, I gotta go!
Patrick
[worries in fear and takes it out of the toilet] The attic! [cut to SpongeBob as he walked closer to Patrick's house, Patrick runs up imaginary steps, panting] Wait... I don't have an attic! [notices he's in mid-air, and then falls into his hole while he's screaming; Patrick lands on the floor and gets up] Oh... Ooh! I know! The attic. [goes up the imaginary steps again, falls and screams again; Patrick lands and gets up again]
Patrick
Ah! [hides the donut] H-hey, SpongeBob.
Patrick
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BEHIND MY BACK, SO DON'T LOOK THERE! [looks both ways; the donut is in the back of his pants]
Okay... No problem. Ready to see this? [takes out the tape, Patrick's eyes shrink in horror] The official testament of how heartily we party... hardly? [puts the tape in the VCR and pushes play, but Patrick stops him]
Patrick
NO! [sobs] I took it, SpongeBob! I took your donut! I'm sorry!
[looks confused then smiles] Oh, Patrick! You really need to see this video.
[He plays the video of the party from last night.]
VSVideo SpongeBob
I wanna give you this, because you're my buddy and... A donut this nice could really make a guy happy.
Patrick
You mean... This is mine?!
Of course! It was your birthday.
Patrick
When?
Patrick
Oh... Thanks, buddy! Hey, Wanna share it?
[The two each eat one half of the donut; SpongeBob stops and shudders because of how disgusting it is]
Patrick
Yeah, pretty good, huh?
[SpongeBob shudders again; episode ends]
See these ice cube trays? [points to barrel] I want ya to put 'em in that bucket.
Patrick
How do I do it?
Patrick
Uh... I have to be very gentle. [Patrick does the exact opposite; he closes the doors, picks up the freezer and throws it on the bucket, causing it and the freezer to break into pieces]
What the...? What are ya doin'?!
Patrick
[stacking ice cubes on remains of barrel] Almost done, Mr. Krabs. [stacks on last ice cube, causing pile to collapse]
You've destroyed me refrigerator. [picks up melting ice cubes] You've destroyed many of the things I love. [grabs Patrick by the arm] I got another job that even a nimrod like you couldn't mess up.
CCCamp Counselor
[to Prisoner 6] Oh, that is very good, Bruiser!
[We see others complaining and crying. SpongeBob and Patrick are making crafts and sigh contentedly.]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Patrick?/SpongeBob?
Patrick
I...I like the other island better!
[Both start crying uncontrollably; episode ends]
Patrick
The gloves are off now. [takes his hand off to show a human hand] It's booger time!
Oh, booger, schmooger, you don't even have a nose. [pokes his nose]
Patrick
Oh, yeah? [clenches his face, and forms a nose. SpongeBob gasps, and Patrick picks his nose]
[screams] Booger! [continues screaming while running to the front door of the Krusty Krab, with Patrick behind him] Run! Run, Mr. Krabs! Patrick is digging for gold! [they run into the kitchen]
Gold? [giggles; runs into the kitchen to find the gold, but comes out with nothing]
[to Mr. Krabs] Did you get any of Patrick's "gold"?
He's not digging for any gold I'm looking for!
[to the audience] Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it's almost if the evolutionary clock ticks backwards.
[in the kitchen]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Squidward had a Krabby Patty...
[at the cash register, Squidward is trying to take a customer's order, but Patrick and SpongeBob are still singing]
Excuse me for just a second. [he pokes his head through the order window to talk to SpongeBob and Patrick] Do you mind? I'm trying to work at a fast food restaurant. You might wanna try it some time!
I sure would, Squidward. That sounds----
Patrick
Hey, wait a minute! SpongeBob, you already do work at a fast food restaurant.
[it looks like SpongeBob forgot that he already works at a restaurant, which is very unusual, considering he has worked at it since "Help Wanted"]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Yay!
Remind me to fire my therapist.
Patrick
Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Thanks, Plankton!
Ice cream? It shoots ICE CREAM?! [jumps out of the tank] Oversized ice cream maker! [childishly kicks the tank but hops around in pain] Yah! Ouch! Ouch!
LLRH
Look! A talking speck! This talking speck will make a fantastic [glares at SpongeBob and Patrick] replacement for our recently deflated national treasure! [looks at Plankton and speaks in a babyish tone] Won't you, little fella?
I'll destroy all of you...!
LLRH
[squeezes Plankton within his hands] Amazing! This is so much better than that dusty old bubble!
[is later seen in a baby bottle cage] You haven't seen the last of me! When I get out of here, I'll hunt you all down like a pack of... [someone takes a picture] Hey! Can't you read? [points at sign] No flash photography.
[running to Squidward] Squidward! Where the barnacles is SpongeBob? This place is going down the toilet! Patties need flipping!
If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here getting yelled at by a bunch of morons?
Don't talk back to your superior officer, you...
[Both start arguing. Sandy comes in.]
Squidward! Mr. Krabs! Y'all seen SpongeBob?
I think we just went through this...
What he means to say is, no, we haven't.
Well, apparently, he's left Bikini Bottom, and he ain't coming back. [hands Mr. Krabs the note]
Let me see that. [begins to read] To whom that may concern, [muttering] ...aka... aka? Idiot Boy? [shocked] Idiot Boy?! [horrified, he realizes that the letter was written by SpongeBob because everyone called him Idiot Boy] It is SpongeBob! What am I gonna do without me fry cook?!
Patrick
What am I gonna do without my best friend?! I should never have been mean to you! [starts to cry]
I should have never kicked you out of my house! [starts to cry as her helmet fills up with her tears]
[voice breaking] If I'd known that was the last time I'd see SpongeBob, I would have [happily] slammed the door in his face even harder! [he happily starts guffawing, while Patrick and Sandy are still crying]
All right, group meeting! Everybody out! The Krusty Krab's closed until further notice! [closes the doors] Now, how do you propose we find me money-making employee? [he and the others gather around]
Listen up, y'all! I got a plan to bring back SpongeBob.
Yup, and it involves this. [shows a device] It'll track any sponge within a 50-mile radius.
So, you're saying this thing can actually find SpongeBob? [holds the device]
You got it, Squid Cakes, but it's gonna take all of us to find-- [Squidward smashes the device with a mallet]
SKSandy, Mr. Krabs and Patrick
[gasp]
[holding the mallet while panting heavily like a maniac] Oops, I dropped it.
[becomes infuriated that his nose inflates and bursts like a balloon, with a large amount of water coming out of it] Mr. Squidward! This device was me last chance to get this place back into ship shape! And since you destroyed it, I am ordering you to find SpongeBob!
[laughs] I wouldn't seek out that twit for all the leotards of the sea.
If you don't find him, you'll be out of a job forever.
Ha! Is that your version of a threat?
Oh, Squidward, don't forget your retirement gift.
Mr. Krabs, I am not interested in any---- [gasps] Is that a handcrafted, jewel-encrusted, ornamental egg? That'll complete my collection! [he runs to the egg] Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Krabs!
[stops Squidward, who falls to the floor] Not so fast! Bring back me number-one fry cook first.
Here it is! You must recognize this place.
Don't recognize the Krusty Krab? Stop your kidding, boy. [takes out the greasy spatula that SpongeBob used to use] And start frying up them patties.
MCMayor CheeseHead
[holds the spatula] I was a fry cook before?
Aye, the best in the business. Now get flipping.
MCMayor CheeseHead
Look, guys, as much as I'd love to toil the days away flipping burgers, [leaves] I think I'll just go back to my modest job [drops the spatula] as mayor of a major city.
Whoo-hoo-hoo, SpongeBob's leaving for real this time! [to Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs, I brought back your number one fry cook. You gotta pay up.
All right, Mr. Squidward, a deal's a deal. Here's your fancy egg.
Oh, it's beautiful! [Squidward laughs with excitement and is admiring his egg until he slips on the spatula, which sends the egg flying] No...! [when SpongeBob the mayor leaves the Krusty Krab, the egg crashes onto his head. Squidward is upset that his egg is destroyed and a bump rises on the SpongeBob's head]
Yeah, just a bit of a headache, Sandy-- [He looks around the Krusty Krab and realized that his memory is coming back] Hey, I remember this place!
We're really sorry we ran you out of town, boy. But we're glad you're back.
I'd really love to stay, but the people of New Kelp City need their mayor. [put on the mayor hat again] Goodbye, everyone.
KSMr. Krabs, Sandy, and Patrick
Oh, not again. / What? / Huh?
[before SpongeBob leaves the Krusty Krab] Stop what you're doing and don't go out that door. [SpongeBob stops and looks at the TV in the Krusty Krab] This is a KNKC special report. Panic in the streets of New Kelp City as rampant bubbles bring visibility down to 0. The angry citizens here blame the apocalyptic scene on Mayor CheeseHead BrownPants and his newly-enacted bubble policy. [gets punched aside by Pirate 12 again]
P1Pirate 12
If I ever see Mayor BrownPants again, I'm gonna grab his little, yellow head and literally rip his—! [screen changes to "We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Share the frustration."]
[SpongeBob is in the Krusty Krab kitchen.]
[rings a bell] Order up! [hands a Krabby Patty on plate] Who wants to be a dumb old mayor when you're the best fry cook in town? [laughs] And how could I ever leave behind my bestest friends?
Patrick
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, Krabby Patty! [eats the Krabby Patty] SpongeBob, another masterpiece.
It's great to have you back, Spongy!
[sighs] Looks like I'm back in Bikini Bottom forever!
[In the background cows are mooing. Squidward opens his head, removes his brain, and throws it in the trash can]
Welcome one and all, to the first biannual big arena of annihilation! [everyone cheers]
Patrick
All right! [Patrick is about to eat a sausage, when the lionfish growls at him, Plankton laughs]
That pink dimwit doesn't stand a chance with those sausages around his throat! As soon as the smell of sausage hits that ravenous lionfish's nostrils, he'll be all over Patrick like mold on a shower curtain!
BKBetsy Krabs
Boring! [throws a tomato at the ground] I want to see some body parts!
This is ridiculous! I order a simple brutal mauling for my denizens, and I get a circus act!
SSadie
Ten dollars?! Why would I pay ten dollars, when I can go across the street and get a Krabby Patty for one dollar?
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
