[running to Squidward] Squidward! Where the barnacles is SpongeBob? This place is going down the toilet! Patties need flipping!
If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here getting yelled at by a bunch of morons?
Don't talk back to your superior officer, you...
[Both start arguing. Sandy comes in.]
Squidward! Mr. Krabs! Y'all seen SpongeBob?
I think we just went through this...
What he means to say is, no, we haven't.
Well, apparently, he's left Bikini Bottom, and he ain't coming back. [hands Mr. Krabs the note]
Let me see that. [begins to read] To whom that may concern, [muttering] ...aka... aka? Idiot Boy? [shocked] Idiot Boy?! [horrified, he realizes that the letter was written by SpongeBob because everyone called him Idiot Boy] It is SpongeBob! What am I gonna do without me fry cook?!
What am I gonna do without my best friend?! I should never have been mean to you! [starts to cry]
I should have never kicked you out of my house! [starts to cry as her helmet fills up with her tears]
[voice breaking] If I'd known that was the last time I'd see SpongeBob, I would have [happily] slammed the door in his face even harder! [he happily starts guffawing, while Patrick and Sandy are still crying]
All right, group meeting! Everybody out! The Krusty Krab's closed until further notice! [closes the doors] Now, how do you propose we find me money-making employee? [he and the others gather around]
CCheesehead
Whoo, I live in a dump! [bumps into a green fish]
SSteve
Hey, watch where you're stepping!
CCheeseHead
Sorry, sir, I was just--
SSteve
I know what you was doing, you was doing the old "bump into the sucker and reach into his pockets and take his change" routine! Well, it ain't gonna work this time! You want money? Get a job, you deadbeat.
CCheeseHead
I'm a jobless deadbeat? What a sad existence I don't remember I lead. [fade to black. Cut back to him. His tummy is grumbling] Ooh, seems like I'm running on empty. [checks his pockets and sighs] Not a penny to my name. Aw, I guess if I want to fill the hole in my gut, I'll need to find a job somewhere. [notices a bank sign that says "Help Wanted"] Help wanted?
Listen up, y'all! I got a plan to bring back SpongeBob.
Yup, and it involves this. [shows a device] It'll track any sponge within a 50-mile radius.
So, you're saying this thing can actually find SpongeBob? [holds the device]
You got it, Squid Cakes, but it's gonna take all of us to find-- [Squidward smashes the device with a mallet]
SKSandy, Mr. Krabs and Patrick
[gasp]
[holding the mallet while panting heavily like a maniac] Oops, I dropped it.
[becomes infuriated that his nose inflates and bursts like a balloon, with a large amount of water coming out of it] Mr. Squidward! This device was me last chance to get this place back into ship shape! And since you destroyed it, I am ordering you to find SpongeBob!
[laughs] I wouldn't seek out that twit for all the leotards of the sea.
If you don't find him, you'll be out of a job forever.
Ha! Is that your version of a threat?
Oh, Squidward, don't forget your retirement gift.
Mr. Krabs, I am not interested in any---- [gasps] Is that a handcrafted, jewel-encrusted, ornamental egg? That'll complete my collection! [he runs to the egg] Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Krabs!
[stops Squidward, who falls to the floor] Not so fast! Bring back me number-one fry cook first.
Here it is! You must recognize this place.
Don't recognize the Krusty Krab? Stop your kidding, boy. [takes out the greasy spatula that SpongeBob used to use] And start frying up them patties.
MCMayor CheeseHead
[holds the spatula] I was a fry cook before?
Aye, the best in the business. Now get flipping.
MCMayor CheeseHead
Look, guys, as much as I'd love to toil the days away flipping burgers, [leaves] I think I'll just go back to my modest job [drops the spatula] as mayor of a major city.
Whoo-hoo-hoo, SpongeBob's leaving for real this time! [to Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs, I brought back your number one fry cook. You gotta pay up.
All right, Mr. Squidward, a deal's a deal. Here's your fancy egg.
Oh, it's beautiful! [Squidward laughs with excitement and is admiring his egg until he slips on the spatula, which sends the egg flying] No...! [when SpongeBob the mayor leaves the Krusty Krab, the egg crashes onto his head. Squidward is upset that his egg is destroyed and a bump rises on the SpongeBob's head]
Yeah, just a bit of a headache, Sandy-- [He looks around the Krusty Krab and realized that his memory is coming back] Hey, I remember this place!
We're really sorry we ran you out of town, boy. But we're glad you're back.
I'd really love to stay, but the people of New Kelp City need their mayor. [put on the mayor hat again] Goodbye, everyone.
KSMr. Krabs, Sandy, and Patrick
Oh, not again. / What? / Huh?
[before SpongeBob leaves the Krusty Krab] Stop what you're doing and don't go out that door. [SpongeBob stops and looks at the TV in the Krusty Krab] This is a KNKC special report. Panic in the streets of New Kelp City as rampant bubbles bring visibility down to 0. The angry citizens here blame the apocalyptic scene on Mayor CheeseHead BrownPants and his newly-enacted bubble policy. [gets punched aside by Pirate 12 again]
P1Pirate 12
If I ever see Mayor BrownPants again, I'm gonna grab his little, yellow head and literally rip his—! [screen changes to "We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Share the frustration."]
[SpongeBob is in the Krusty Krab kitchen.]
[rings a bell] Order up! [hands a Krabby Patty on plate] Who wants to be a dumb old mayor when you're the best fry cook in town? [laughs] And how could I ever leave behind my bestest friends?
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, Krabby Patty! [eats the Krabby Patty] SpongeBob, another masterpiece.
It's great to have you back, Spongy!
[sighs] Looks like I'm back in Bikini Bottom forever!
[In the background cows are mooing. Squidward opens his head, removes his brain, and throws it in the trash can]
